The Dreaded Gyn Exam

[ellienad]

I have a history of childhood sexual abuse, and I've put off a gyn. appointment for too long because of it. However, now that I have the appointment set, I'm having some major anxiety and panic attacks about it. Mostly because I know it will be triggering...I don't know how I'm going to get through it. Even thinking about it sends me into a tailspin.

I've talked with the office and filled the Dr. in on my circumstances. They were very understanding (thank goodness), and they've been great about making sure I'm as "at ease" as possible. I'm also talking to my therapist about it and working through it as I get closer to the appointment. So, I feel like there's not much else I can do now other than wait for the dreaded day...

Any tips on getting through the actual appointment?? Any support would be helpful! :(

 

[FindingMyself88]

((ellienad)) I understand your pain. I too was sexually molested and raped as a child. 3 weeks ago I had a horrible experience of a pelvic exam with a very rude doctor, i actually posted about it. It sent me into full-fledged panic mode and the bad thing is at the time I couldn't keep down anything, not even pills so i couldn't take my anxiety medication. After this I was told to follow up with a gyn for a pap smear. I was terrified…However my Uni's student health services has a GYN on staff and I had seen her before but had not had an exam. I talked with my regular doctor in Student health and she met with me with the GYN and explained my PTSD and trauma from hospital experience. So being upfront with them is great! I was blessed because I am extremely close to my primary dr and she stayed in there with me during the exam and talked to me, plus the GYN was very nice and calm. Turns out my problem is not female related at all but intestinal issues, go figure :O_o:.

Anyways, take it a day at a time and take care of yourself. Something my regular doctor (bless her heart, she is the best!) told me that might help you is 1) take your anxiety medication if you have any and 2) do something very relaxing before the exam like a cup of tea (or preference) and a nice hot bath. and 3)while in waiting room bring a book or play a game on your phone to distract yourself.

Hope these help and I will say prayers for you! You can do this :hug:

 

[ellienad]

FindingMyself, I'm so sorry you had to go through that with the rude doctor! How awful!

Thank you so much for your support and words of encouragement. I don't take any anxiety medication currently, but yes, drinking tea definitely does help calm my nerves a bit. I will go prepared with tea and something to read in hand! :happy:

When you ended up having the exam with the female gyn, were you able to ask to stop at any point? I'm worried I'll be so nervous that I won't be able to say so if I need to stop.

 

[FindingMyself88]

It was awful and I'm still having nightmares and flashbacks from childhood because of it, but I am dealing. Thank you for caring!

Definitely drink the tea and take the book, also do something nice for yourself afterwards :) you deserve it!

She did tell me at any point we could stop, but between the medication, the support from my regular doctor, and my want to get it over with, we didn't have to stop. Not saying it was easy, but I got through it and they kept me for a few minutes in the room just to make sure I was okay before I left. So if you need to stop, by all means you have the right. It's your body and only you know how much you can handle!

 

[radicalgratitude]

For me being on medication made me feel drunk and more vulnerable so both the gyno and I were uncomfortable and we stopped. After a year or so I tried again. For me it helped to have someone hold my hand (her nurse) and then when I had another, a friend, and I would talk to this person about things that don't have to do with the exam.

The doctor would explain everything before it happened and I could stop it at any time. For me the hardest part is when they touch the speculum to my inner thigh before beginning (I don't know why they do this). For some reason that has given me a flashback each time. (Really, what could my dad have done to my inner thigh....strange...)

The hand holding combined with my inner mantra of "This is medical only....she's checking for cancer...." got me through it. (Yes, the idea of having cancer is a lot more soothing to me than feeling violated.)

Make sure you ask for a pediatric speculum. If the idea of holding someone's hand makes you sick, how about a koosh ball or a stone to keep you grounded?

 

[Maggiemay]

I just want to say how brave you guys are :)

I have refused to have a smear test done as I would never be able to cope without serious flashback hell :(

xxx

 

[radicalgratitude]

I must add that doctors have found that unless you are sexually active, a pap smear isn't necessary.

 

[ellienad]

Thanks guys for all your support. I'm new to the site and I'm SO happy to have found it.

FindingMyself: First, :hug:, sending a virtual hug. Very true about wanting to get it over with, that's probably what will keep me from stopping, is that I know it will take longer. However, I really hope that I'll find the strength to vocalize when/if I've had enough and need to stop.

radicalgratitude: Oh dear, anything or anyone touching my inner thigh is extremely difficult for me too. Thank you for the heads up, wouldn't have been prepared for that. I also didn't know you could ask for a pediatric speculum...good to know as well. And yes, bringing something with me to hold on to or squeeze might be helpful!

Maggiemay: :hug: xx Baby steps! We are all on our own journey.