The dreaded v word

[IamFree]

V is for vulnerability. Working on relational healing. just discovering I am the anxious/ avoidant attachment type due to the physical and emotional unavailability of my family. Which I understand to be I am either super Needless.....F@#k you all....or super needy OHMYGOD if you don't text me back I will never feel joy again...vulnerability feels like sticking needles in my eyes....

 

[Deleted member 34561]

Oh crikey I hear you!!! It's really hard to find the middle way between the two extremes of feeling isn't it? Yes it absolutely is about avoidance on the one hand and over attachment on the other. I guess the aim is to strike a healthy balance between the two. I'm just realising this for myself being newly sober and recently drug free. So I don't really have any answers for you but just wanted to validate you and acknowledge how difficult it is to overcome this issue. Wishing you the best of luck in sort it out for yourself and I hope I get there one day with it too :)

 

[The Albatross]

Know what you mean about the "vulnerable/vulnerability" word. My own attachment style is anxious / ambivalent. Though I don't have the immediacy or as much concern about others replies or not to me, I hang way back and don't fully engage. I was messed up apparently to not be all that fearful about being losing a connection with somebody or abandoned - in some ways it comes as a relief.

It is a starting place only and can pare down where to use effort to get improvement. I'm less inclined to take a powder on people now.

 

[IamFree]

I think the big challenge facing me is turning an anxious attachment in to a secure attachment...rather than just going back into avoidance and running away from it which i acheive by creating a big drama and then the crazyness they can not see becomes obvious and then i have blown it and then i can go back to my comfortable but soul destroying isolation.