Well, thus far am 'still going' but the night is young, lol.
Did realize that 'if' I'm not beating myself up my mind is often blank (which it never is, lol)
Actually, seriously speaking, tonight is very hard, because I feel 'awful', am triggered in the worst wayand would be triggered to spiral lower, so it's a real test not to allow the thoughts and self-condemnations or negativity to start rolling.
Some part of me just wishes something 'nice' or 'happy' would pop up, but I guess the key consists in creating it myself, even though the triggers are around.