I also think that if we focus on spirituality as opposed to religion we can make greater progress with our recovery work and this then is my 2 cents, please take it for what it is.
Thank you for your contribution, Lionheart. I am at a point now in my recovery, that I am wondering if what I term "connection" is actually spirituality... or actually, I'm wondering the opposite... if Spirituality is connection. I know that there are a ton of people who don't like to be around other people, and reject the idea of needing a connection with them. However, I feel a connection with people, nature and myself that I never felt when I was Christian. I felt that connection with God, exclusively. I was "alien".
Yesterday, I imagined moving to Montana. It is a wide open state. There are rolling pastures as far as the eye can see. But then, I thought... I couldn't live so isolated "I like people" and it is a breakthrough for me. How did I change from often thinking "I hate people"? I knew I didn't really hate them, but I never thought in a private moment that I like them,
in general. People can be so cruel to one another, and have been, collectively, to me. But, now my mind says "I like people". What's changed?
I have.
I understand that people need their autonomy, their independence. I need them to be independent. If they can blame their actions, their words, their thoughts on someone else; then they won't even see that they're wrong because they have agreement with someone they admire, care about, or revere. They don't need to consider reality, they have connection with those who matter to them. If that person isn't even human, than what hope is there that they will consider the human condition appropriately? They might say "Well, that's just how it is", when it's not that way unless they believe it is that way, or are surrounded by people who believe it is that way.
The connection we have among one another creates our perception. That is the truth! That is why when you are raised to believe you are worthless, you find that others agree with it...even when they don't know the people who taught you that... and it's because YOU carry that belief.
If "God" or "the Creator" is omniscient, omnipresent, all-powerful, might he be in that connection between and among us all? Maybe the creator is the universe. Maybe we were born of the Big Bang, and whatever happened before then as well. Maybe the fact that the chemical bonds that make up our bodies, and our ability to share ideas with one another,
is our spirituality. And, maybe when people were unable to understand so much of our world, they understood that feeling of connection and called it spirituality. They gave reason for it by calling it god, and then they gave motive to god and created religion.
I cannot know the Creator better if I cannot know individual people better. When people are brainwashed in childhood to believe certain things that are based on the beliefs of a people who have been proven wrong time and again... then, all I get to know is their covert selves... that part of them that disagrees or naughtily disobeys the scriptures they've been taught. If you are part of the link in my spirituality, then what you think is valuable to me. I would never ask you to stop thinking and follow me. I would never tell you that you will be punished for eternity if you aren't special enough to get through a narrow doorway and live forever.
The end of life is hard enough without imagining that I might be burned, tortured and abused for all eternity. To think that this was it for me, my only chance to experience any freedom from pain... and I spent part of my life being tortured and abused already! I even
volunteered for much of the abuse, clinging to the concepts of family ties, religious obligation, and that god was my only
real connection. I will have a hard enough time letting go of life when it is time to die. I don't want to miss a thing! I never have wanted to be excluded. I don't want to say goodbye to my children, or my husband, but I don't want to miss the opportunity to say goodbye either.
To think that I am special enough that god would choose me to enter Heaven is pretentious,
proud. I'm better than... how many other souls? How many souls have there been since people introduced the idea of there being a heaven? How many does heaven hold? How many is "a small number"? If god is the Christian god, then surely he's looking for zealots. Why would he take someone who didn't follow all of his rules, but instead defended homosexuals? Why would he take me over a committed Christian who studies their faith and preaches their faith to others? Should I find a new religion? One where I can agree with the god, so I can believe that I will live forever?
What if, the most precious thing about my life is that it has an unknown, but definite expiration date?