The Guilt After Recovery

[Amcam]

I used to suffer from a myriad of mental disorders which included bipolar disorder, major depression, and an eating disorder. I struggled with these for years from about 16-25 all the while under the care of my mother. I am 27 now and have stabilized. I am weened of all my medications for almost a year now and so much happier and no longer use unhealthy coping mechanisms such as self harm or medication abuse. I am married and I am seven months pregnant and moving into a new home. But with this recovery, I feel an overwhelming guilt for those I hurt the most when I was suicidal and extremely depressed. I did not show them the kind of love and care they deserved and now that I am no longer blinded by my own pain, I clearly can see the way my mom and husband suffered seeing me destroying myself. They are happy that I am doing so well, but I feel like there is nothing I can do make up for the way I acted in the past. Sorry, this is a long post.

 

[Punky143]

Your not alone. I too had that same remorse for anyone I came in contact with, and as a result, lost a lot of friends. I'm on my thirdish downhill slop and because of the past, have little to no friends and prefere it. That way, I don't drag others into my life of hell. I wish you the best of luck in the future...

 

[Gs172003]

Why are you feeling guilty for being sick? What would you say to someone with diabetes if they felt bad for being diabetic? You battled something terrible and though it was hard on the people around you you are still here and we'll and that's what those family members care about I would guess.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Amcam I agree with @Zoogal I too feel so much better, but I also realize that feeling guilty isn't healthy. I can't go back and change the past and what I've done or didn't do. I can only move forward and try to be a better person everyday.

Why not do something nice for them, or write a letter telling them just how much their support meant to you and still does. How their unselfish love and guidance allowed you to grow a beautiful child within you, and that you hope one day to be able to support that child as lovingly as your parents did?!?!?

Just tossing around ideas. Don't feel guilty, feel blessed that you had such supportive people to guide you..... I wish I had that, as I bet many here do...

 

[Amcam]

Why are you feeling guilty for being sick? What would you say to someone with diabetes if they felt bad...

You are right. I guess I kind of get stuck in the past a lot. I know they are not hurting anymore but I guess I mourn for their past selves? Ugh, I'm sorry I know that doesn't make much sense. We have all gotten over that part, I just need to leave all that in the past. Thanks for your reply :)

 

[IamFree]

well you mentioned the people you hurt are supporting you now then they must understand that you was in pain.

 

[Amcam]

@Amcam I agree with @Zoogal I too feel so much better, but I als...

Thanks She Cat. I definitely like to do nice things for them. I cook and help with the chores, now that I am okay now, when they are down I can actually help them now. There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful.

I apologize if the post may have come off as privileged sounding to those that don't have a good support system. I pray that they find people that will be there for them, and if that's not the case I hope they have all the inner strength in the world.

 

[Gs172003]

You are right. I guess I kind of get stuck in the past a lot. I know they are not hurting anymore but I g...

You're welcome