@David1959 I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and I imagine the situation with your pain is intensifying everything. I have been through some similar circumstances with my T retiring. I took time off therapy after that too as I really don't trust easily, or rather at all really. I have then recently experienced a sort of similar episode where memories were coming back and my tendency to deal with them through dissociation wasn't really working any longer. I have since started seeing a T again, I am doing so online via a health-system type zoom for therapy set up in Australia. I have been back with this T for about three months and it is helping but progress is slow as is trusting. When I left my first T after she retired I looked for a new T but the ones I tried did not fit me at all. I don't know what country you're in, but sometimes GPs have a handle on Ts that might be good? I hope that you are able to find somebody to help you through this tough time.
Thanks for posting DIGZ:
I am realizing I need an online T and have started looking, I am in the US and hoping to find someone with experience.