- Post starter
- #145
mumstheword
VIP Member
Asd dad told when i was a teen, i just found out
This was hard. Today was very hard. Thank you for the support @NatBird !
Can't sleep. Couldn't sleep much last night either. It tends to happen when my guy isn't here.
I need to go out in the morning. Yesterday I was supposed to go to yoga. I didn't get to yoga.
I'm pretty zombie ATM. At the mo mo mo
Dealing with baby rape. Being raped as a baby. Pre verbal rape. Makes too much sense that it happened. My feelings of it today were powerful, very, very crushing, very immobalizing, very stultifying, demoralizing, excruciating, it dissociated me for so much of my early life, my whole life, it zombied-me, nullified me, stole my will, my light, my childhood, my "virtue" - virginity, it's true, I need to be FREE of this oppression, he stole my ability to LIVE, but I've AMAZED myself, dazed myself, crazed myself, uplifted myself, found reasons to push through, be true endure, fight for my light, my life, I'm full of grief, I need some relief, this uphill battle is steep, but I'll reap my rewards, I'll swim fjords if I have to, I remain true to myself, I'll no longer back-shelf this pain, I've so much to gain, reclaim my throne, my own way, I've grown SO MUCH, my spirit is HUGE, my heart IS BIG, the waves of love and compassion keep growing, I owe it to myself now, to be knowing MYSELF, LOVING myself, I don't need the hate, it's overrated, but I've been baited, groomed, penetrated, infiltrated, mistreated SO BADLY, it took SO LONG to get out from under that yoke, choked me he did, one rapist, I've been poked, stroked, I've been strangled, my vagina was mangled as a tiny person, I've been beaten down, down to the ground, ground down, impregnated, I've gestated, been frustrated TOO MUCH, negated, neglected, heckled, had my hackles up, my defences down, but now their up, I need to pick myself UP, I'm a FIGHTER, a LIGHTER of ways, a brave lady, a sage poet, a traveller on the HIGH way of life, singer of songs, I'm STRONG, I'm not beat, I DEFEAT, I claim VICTORY, FREEDOM for ME, they didn't kill me, even if they filled me with seed, shame blame, hate, rape for myself, I blamed myself but it's not too late, now I get to see the GREATNESS of ME, I AM FREE in my SPIRIT and LOVE, I RISE ABOVE, but my body is not free, yet, of pain but it's LOVED, one day I'll be free of it, for now I use it TO LOVE my family, this planetary being needs me to be me, I SEE my way through. I remain TRUE because I LOVE YOU - Self
This was hard. Today was very hard. Thank you for the support @NatBird !
Can't sleep. Couldn't sleep much last night either. It tends to happen when my guy isn't here.
I need to go out in the morning. Yesterday I was supposed to go to yoga. I didn't get to yoga.
I'm pretty zombie ATM. At the mo mo mo
Dealing with baby rape. Being raped as a baby. Pre verbal rape. Makes too much sense that it happened. My feelings of it today were powerful, very, very crushing, very immobalizing, very stultifying, demoralizing, excruciating, it dissociated me for so much of my early life, my whole life, it zombied-me, nullified me, stole my will, my light, my childhood, my "virtue" - virginity, it's true, I need to be FREE of this oppression, he stole my ability to LIVE, but I've AMAZED myself, dazed myself, crazed myself, uplifted myself, found reasons to push through, be true endure, fight for my light, my life, I'm full of grief, I need some relief, this uphill battle is steep, but I'll reap my rewards, I'll swim fjords if I have to, I remain true to myself, I'll no longer back-shelf this pain, I've so much to gain, reclaim my throne, my own way, I've grown SO MUCH, my spirit is HUGE, my heart IS BIG, the waves of love and compassion keep growing, I owe it to myself now, to be knowing MYSELF, LOVING myself, I don't need the hate, it's overrated, but I've been baited, groomed, penetrated, infiltrated, mistreated SO BADLY, it took SO LONG to get out from under that yoke, choked me he did, one rapist, I've been poked, stroked, I've been strangled, my vagina was mangled as a tiny person, I've been beaten down, down to the ground, ground down, impregnated, I've gestated, been frustrated TOO MUCH, negated, neglected, heckled, had my hackles up, my defences down, but now their up, I need to pick myself UP, I'm a FIGHTER, a LIGHTER of ways, a brave lady, a sage poet, a traveller on the HIGH way of life, singer of songs, I'm STRONG, I'm not beat, I DEFEAT, I claim VICTORY, FREEDOM for ME, they didn't kill me, even if they filled me with seed, shame blame, hate, rape for myself, I blamed myself but it's not too late, now I get to see the GREATNESS of ME, I AM FREE in my SPIRIT and LOVE, I RISE ABOVE, but my body is not free, yet, of pain but it's LOVED, one day I'll be free of it, for now I use it TO LOVE my family, this planetary being needs me to be me, I SEE my way through. I remain TRUE because I LOVE YOU - Self
:hug: 
