The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[Chris-duck]

Genuinely, it was bad wording, I'm sorry for offending you. You've clearly put a lot of work into your music and managed to get far with it. I understand why you're wanting to learn the theory, I hope it all works out for you. Sorry again

 

[mumstheword]

Genuinely, it was bad wording, I'm sorry for offending you. You've clearly put a lot of work into your music and managed to get far with it. I understand why you're wanting to learn the theory, I hope it all works out for you. Sorry again

No it's ok. No offence taken. I do understand. I would have learnt theory and instrumentation but I had heaps of children and health problems instead.

It's all good @Chris-duck :-) I'm honestly not offended at all. It will be a lot of work that I haven't previously done, and yeah, I acknowledge that many people do a lot of, perhaps, sometimes, tedious theory to develop musicality, I'm not, in any way, minimizing their approach, it just wasn't something I had the privilege of being exposed to, I'm just someone's who's learnt good musicianship from a different angle. I'm not particularly insecure about my skills, I just know I need a set of expanded skills to do what I want, as professional musicians of the calibre I want, are not easy for me to meet, I'm gonna have to work for it. I figured the uni door is already open to.me, but I need theory up to year 3, apparently, so I'll need to start at "music theory kindy" level, to do the course.

 

[mumstheword]

I think my approach to music is kinda primitive, but my actual musicality is surprisingly sophisticated.

It's kinda "shamanic". It's been a lifeline out of abuse-trauma-damage brain, psychosis, no sense of self or a very negative demoralized one and just all round misery and dissociative states.

I touch a lot of different genres and "cultures" through my freestyle self-brain-rewiring-healing singing sessions. I never know where I'm going, it's just a journey I embark on and I feel/sense/express where my song or my composition or my chant goes. It's playful, exploratory, expressive, reparative, soothing and fun. I am a diverse artist who always keep things fresh, and I've been doing it so long that I'm comfortable with my eclectic unique sound. I have a lot of musical freedom and yet, music is something that is so addictive, one always wants (well, this one wants) to keep expanding, developing deepening, opening and refining the skills and the physical training and abilities.

It's highly political, too, though. I haven't figured out where my politics is going. I just have a desire to express passion, rawness, beauty, power, openness, vulnerability, love, tenderness, story, my self, and more, and bring people along on my journey for a bit, coz it's uplifting and fun and alive-making for me, so, why not share that?

I don't want to conform to other's ideas of what's "supposed" to be, I want to surprise people and comfort them, validate them and confound them, drive them wild and bring them to a place where they can get in touch with their Self/connection/freedom/truth/joy
/fearlessness/aliveness, where they can cut loose on the dance floor or lose themselves in abandoned trancey reverie.

I believe I'm capable of it too. That might sound really full of myself, but, and I'm not there yet, I've been working on it along time and I've had plenty of affirming feedback but no real notoriety. I'm an introvert, a parent and a sufferer, who can't drive yet, and I live in rural/regional Australia so, yeah, not ideal or necessarily conducive, but I know what's in my heart, brain,body and soul and I'm gonna trust that. It will lead me where I'm needed. "Gotta have faith":-)

 

[Freida]

I love music and singing -- and can't read a note! yep --one of those. I did community theater for a bunch of years and loved doing musicals because it was always songs that made me feel happy. I can sing pretty well I guess, but always preferred being in the chorus background because there was no limelight stress. Music was an amazing way to center myself and stop thinking for just a bit

 

[mumstheword]

I love music and singing -- and can't read a note! yep --one of those. I did community theater for a bunch of years and loved doing musicals because it was always songs that made me feel happy. I can sing pretty well I guess, but always preferred being in the chorus background because there was no limelight stress. Music was an amazing way to center myself and stop thinking for just a bit

It's so good for our brains! Endorphin release, being present, focused, feeling good, being "in the zone" all brilliant neural repair outcomes and brain plasticity-making, from practising music, or any kind of play and having fun, in general, even for us "illiterates":-)

 

[mumstheword]

So after the emergence of "Junior D" I smashed any and all notions of misogyny. I disavowed it. I'm still irreverent of certain things that I notice plenty of other women indulge in. That's just me.
I grew up alienated by Very. Damaged. Women. I'm ok though. I learnt a lot. I have HEAPS (comparatively) of female friends. I like us. I'm an inherently unsexist person, but I'm real about biology, which doesn't seem as popular as it used to be. I like that I like honest PEOPLE, I don't care what gender they are, I care that they are REAL, because I can't, I just can't, trust people that I perceive aren't REAL. It's super-trigger/hypervigilance-city for me, with denial, ignorance, emotional manipulation, any kind of manipulative or narcy behaviour. That's my danger zone.

 

[mumstheword]

I'm not afraid to be alone, Grace calls me in the dead of night and when I'm here, by myself.
I'm not afraid to love, but I am afraid to trust.
I'm longing to show my colours but how can I be sure I won't be ignored, shut down again, run out of town or scapegoated? I'm a goat woman, I practically have horns (figuratively speaking). I'm an anarchist from the multidimensional universe, my witch inside won't die or be dispossessed, believe me I've tried to get rid of her. I'm a dreamer, I waft in lofty thoughts and mystic gardens, in my head. I'm really a hobo but I look like a well-dressed mum. I'm a homeless woman living in a hood, in a hillbilly-meets-cops-n-drug dealers mountain town, but I have a roof, 4 walls and it's my cave. I'm a cave woman living in the 21 century, but I ripped out my dreadlocks, I ripped them out of my head in a ghetto! I'm a walking miracle because I'm still here! So many are dear to me, it's clear I'm meant to be here. I have inner riches, but on the outside I'm a basket case, a classic misfit, a rogue, a beggar woman cum crazy poet. I'm free to be me coz I'm poor, but, I'm under house arrest by my own brain, most of the time. Words, melody, colour, shape, poetry, artistry, sets me free. Walk with me, let's be creators and fill the world with beauty and truthfulness.

 

[Freida]

That was beautiful. So very, very, beautiful.?

 

[Swift]

Much love, mums.
I wonder if you're a bit grieving having any kind of childhood or stable education and the music stuff is a flashpoint for that? Or a stable adulthood, a chance to develop yourself or even just have yourself as your main priority rather than other people, or basic survival.
I'm aware I grew up with immense, immense privilege - but it doesn't make me less "real", I think. Didn't mean to start any drama with the music thing.

 

[mumstheword]

Much love, mums.
I wonder if you're a bit grieving having any kind of childhood or stable education and the music stuff is a flashpoint for that? Or a stable adulthood, a chance to develop yourself or even just have yourself as your main priority rather than other people, or basic survival.
I'm aware I grew up with immense, immense privilege - but it doesn't make me less "real", I think. Didn't mean to start any drama with the music thing.

I didn't think there was any drama, about the music thing, Swift. I actually felt really good, talking about music. It was healing for me and I've had a lot of grief around my losses, in connection with my musical past. I'm just needing to learn more stuff, is all, no drama.

 

[mumstheword]

O

Much love, mums.
I wonder if you're a bit grieving having any kind of childhood or stable education and the music stuff is a flashpoint for that? Or a stable adulthood, a chance to develop yourself or even just have yourself as your main priority rather than other people, or basic survival.
I'm aware I grew up with immense, immense privilege - but it doesn't make me less "real", I think. Didn't mean to start any drama with the music thing.

Of course you aren't less "real"!!!! I'm talking about honesty when I talk about being "real" . Real as opposed to chronic bullshitters, I've just met lots, and been too affected by some, is all. I was just talking about my triggers, not in reference to anyone on the site. People who are invested in manipulating others and not owning stuff that is their responsibility, which is the opposite of a path to empowerment, it's a path of manipulating others by playing "the victim", I don't see you as that way, at all. I think you are an immensely courageous and considerate woman. The people I'm thinking of when I say the not-being real, are not people who demonstrate courage and consideration for others, like you do, @Swift. You choose to hurt yourself instead of others, when your pain overwhelms you and you feel guilt for how that affects others. The people I'm thinking of, hurt others to avoid pain, shame, acknowledging guilt and judgement and they pretend that they are the most disadvantaged, to buy pity and to be rescued, and to hide their crimes and abuses of others. I don't think you are anything like that. You are waaay too considerate of others and hard on yourself, those people are like, the opposite of you @Swift.
Those people are emotional abusers, they want to control others, instead of work on themselves, and they loathe honesty and choose to lie when it is in everyone's best interest to tell the truth.
They are pretentious and conniving, parasitic and damaging to those who fall under their sway. They perpetuate falsehoods and seek to dominate others. You are nothing like that, Swift.
You are kind, caring, honest and considerate, as much as you can be, while also needing to protect yourself from exposing too much vulnerability. That is wisdom, not pretentiousness.

 

[mumstheword]

That was beautiful. So very, very, beautiful.?

Thank you, so much Freida! :-) I'm glad you liked it.:-)