The Parent Trap

[IamFree]

Anybody relate..any knowledge. I am reflecting on how and why I am always feeling very conflicting emotions around my father. Sometimes i can feel sorry and commpassionte for hm sometimes i can wish him dead.

 

[brae]

i can definitely relate, ur not alone<3
one thing that my therapist has been teaching me is that i dont have to have compassion for everyone at all times. im probably too empathic a lot of the time and always empathise with the fact that a persons abusive behaviour usually stems from experiencing a lot of trauma themselves. but if we are experiencing a lot of pain and anger toward someone for what they hav done for us then swing to compassion and back again, it is probably a sign that we are still in the stages of healing where we need to be angry at that person, and that by focussing on having compassion we are abandoning the wounded parts of ourselves that need to be protected and nurtured.
i hope that makes sense, i guess it was kind of a revelation to me when i learned that and am still working really hard on believing it and letting myself be angry when i need to without also feeling extrreme guilt, u know?

 

[hodge]

I relate, @Terry W. I can't count how many times I wished my mother was dead so the abuse would stop. I've been so angry at her I couldn't let myself have contact with her for years at a time. Yet I also have compassion for her in spite of how she treated me.

I don't know if you're a person of faith, but the one thing that finally, finally got through to me and broke her spell over me was God saying that she's not the boss of me, He is. That really put things into perspective for me. And ever since I've been able to not let her control how I feel.

 

[EveHarrington]

It's hard to say without knowing more about your relationship with your father.