The Positives Of Being Abused.

[RussH]

I don't know if this is is the correct forum for this post, or not, and if not then moderators please feel free to move it to the appropriate one.

I do not like the fact that I was bullied over a period of several years, and that I am suffering life-long effects from it, but I choose to no longer be a victim. I recognize I have some bad traits that can be traced back to my bullying, but I also have some good traits as well. I suspect all of you can find some good traits in yourself that resulted from your trauma. Please feel free to add your post to this thread.

Because I was traumatized :

I respect the feelings of others.
Have compassion for the hurting.
I am willing to accept someone, even if I don't agree with the choices they make.
I am willing to love others; even when I cannot love myself.
I will put the well being of others ahead of myself.
I will stand up for someone who is being bullied.

So, there are qualities I have that would probably not be present if I had not been bullied. So in that respect I am grateful to the people who brought these diamond like qualities out in me.

 

[rightkindofme]

Last night I got into a huge argument with someone over the "obesity epidemic". By the end of the argument I had gotten the person to admit that they just need to stop fat shaming and that is the actual problem.

I feel like being traumatized my entire life gave me the ability to look at every situation from the point of view of the persecuted minority. I'm really good at arguing why they have just as much right to live as people who start out more privileged.

I really like this aspect of my personality.

 

[Lucycat]

When I read the title of this thread I was horrified - what good can come out of being abused? But now I have read the above posts I get it!:)

I probably have more compassion and empathy than many I know, perhaps that is because of my trauma?

It is so much easier to see the negatives. I think this thread is a great idea @RussH , with more thought I might think of other positives.

 

[bell]

I agree with both of your posts, @RussH and @rightkindofme, I feel like all of this has given me a depth that not everyone else has. I'm not saying that a) I'm better than anyone or b) it wasn't hard won or c) I often wish my life had gone a different way, just that I'm thankful that I have been given the compassion that I have been given, and that often I think of it as the silver lining to all the not-so-good stuff.

 

[RussH]

with more thought I might think of other positives.

Lucycat, go for it! I think we can look at our past with optimistic eyes, instead of pessimistic(sp) eyes. This is another way we can take back the life that was taken from us, and be better people than our tormentors.

 

[Candleflames]

Like the others here I have the ability and desire to understand others perspective before making decisions. I also think I have a greater desire to understand anothers position. So compassion is something I think I have come away with from my past. Sometimes I think if I had not been the abused one in my family I would have the same level of selfishness that they have.

On the flip side I am kind of tough. I stand up for myself, my kids, random strangers that are being attacked and for what I think is right. I'm the neighbor that calls child protective services or the police when something is going on and I don't do it anonymously either. I give my name and phone number. I don't know if I stand up for others now because I had to stand up for myself then or if it is something I always had in me.

Good thread. I seam to remember seeing one about how ptsd has had a positive effect a while back. There is always positives and negatives. It good to look at the whole picture.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm going with the crowd. I'm empathetic, caring, and would help almost anyone. I am also tough. I have been through horror so I know that having it hard for awhile is nothing to me.

 

[HelenB]

I also agree so much with so much on this thread and do know that even though so often I still struggle a lot with self hatred, that there are many good qualities which I have, which my experience has helped me with. I also know that for me my experience and journey towards healing has really brought me to a place where I have really experienced God in so much of a deeper way, which for me has been invaluable and makes such a massive difference to everything in my life.

I also know that my experience has helped me in having compassion for others and know that often people do open up to me and that my own experience does help with being able to listen and have compassion and understanding in so much of a different way.

I also know that I have a developed a real resilience, and though there are still many times where I find things very hard, do not believe I could be the person I am today without the things I have been through.

On a different note I also believe that my experience and knowing how aware I am of how things were in my childhood has given me a real determination that I do not want things to be the same for my children, and though I do still find the pressures of being a wife and mother very hard at times, I do believe that this has been so beneficial to me and really helped with breaking the negative cycles and showing that something positive can come from all the bad stuff I experienced.

Helen

 

[HelenB]

I just read candleflames thread too as it was posted while i was writing mine and also know that for myself standing up for others is something which I have brought out of my experiences. I have also contacted children's services about child protection issues and never had an issue about leaving my full name and not doing it anonymously and believe that my real sense of wanting justice and for no-one to ever have to suffer the things I have been through is a really positive trait and means that I really will never just be the neighbour who stands by and let's things happen, but really will stand up for others too and really try and help and do my upmost to protect them too.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think we're all a bit stronger...

I think that if and when we experience hardship later in life, we will be able to handle it better whereas others who haven't experienced anything this "challenging" (for lack of a better word) may crumble under the pressure. We will be able to see through to the other side because we have already waded through the muck and reached a better place in battling PTSD. Just my thoughts on it.

Of course, this reasoning may fall apart if it's a re-triggering situation!

 

[DMerish]

Like Lucycat, I was first shocked when I read the title of this post. But, like others have said, going through hardships does build character, compassion, and the ability to have a broader mind-set beyond things always being black and white.

 

[RussH]

On a different note I also believe that my experience and knowing how aware I am of how things were in my childhood has given me a real determination that I do not want things to be the same for my children, and though I do still find the pressures of being a wife and mother very hard at times, I do believe that this has been so beneficial to me and really helped with breaking the negative cycles and showing that something positive can come from all the bad stuff I experienced.

Helen you are a diamond in the making.

Helen[/quote]