Dom Violence The Reasons Behind Domestic Abuse

[Springbok2]

Why do partners (both men and women) abuse one of another? Are there any articles that clearly spell out why they do it? This is a piece of my puzzle I am missing. I dealt with my own abuse, but also watching my parents abuse each other on more days than not.

I think it would be freeing to really know what research suggests. Is it just about power? Is it more.

May you all continue to find he pieces to your own puzzles. I struggled for a long time completely in the dark, and in denial. I went to therapy, and it wasn't until several years after I finally saw a bigger picture. It happened somewhat quickly to me, and it can happen for you. Don't give up! I wanted to, but I feel better about myself now that I know I'm not a terrible person. These abusers are and they were successful in making me feel terrible about myself.

Keep fighting and do something good for yourself today.

 

[Seagreen]

Are there any articles that clearly spell out why they do it?

I don't think that would be possible. It can be about power and control. I think mental illness, substance abuse and personality disorders can often play a part. Plus other contributing circumstances could include, past experiences, genetics, the kind of upbringing the person had, unresolved anger or resentment.

 

[arfie]

There is a plethora of articles too generalized to be helpful on this very subject. Reasons personal enough to be healing aids vary so widely that no two of the articles are the same. In the case of my husband and myself, each of our abusive spots had its own history.

I do not believe there is a one-size-fits-all explanation for this one.

 

[Seagreen]

Arfie said it better

I do not believe there is a one-size-fits-all explanation for this one.

 

[Eleanor]

I agree, there are lots of reasons. My H's parents enjoyed violence. But that's not everyone.... by a long shot.

 

[Blue Survivor]

There is a book that I read to try to understand what I was subjected to (domestic violence from my ex husband). I bought it on Amazon. It is called 'Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men' by Lundy Bancroft.

But that's just me, and the book focuses mostly on men abusing women. Just remember there are women who abuse men, adults who abuse children, soldiers suffering, and even people who have experienced a train derailing...PTSD affects a lot of people from all walks of life for many reasons. Each person is affected differently. But if you were looking for something to get you started, that book was really insightful and well-written.

 

[Queen Boudica]

There is no excuse. If we start searching for excuses then they are used as justification. No violence is acceptable no matter what a book tells you the reasons why.

And PTSD is not an excuse for abuse.

 

[Hideycave]

I was a victim of domestic violence as a child, i never dealt with because i felt that i seserved what i got, i had done wrong. Im only now seeking help because im starting to act the same way. And i do not want to be that monster!

 

[Eleanor]

It is not an excuse for emotional or verbal abuse either. A cause, maybe. But not an excuse. Or a justification.