The T Said I Am Frightening And I Am Affected Really Badly

[Abstract]

I am hoping Riptide won't mind me doing this. Let me know if you do.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/help...-for-dissociation-flashback-in-session.37751/

 

[Jane.l]

What happened to the T being non judgemental ? All she has done is re traumatise you and to be honest I think a lot of people without any therapeutic training would have handled the situation in a more compassion way . That is a very dangerous way to treat a traumatised person but she must be totally out of her depth to handle things so badly .

It's not you - it's her inability to do her job .

 

[Abstract]

Let me ask you who threw the stones at her, how you would react to someone who just switched into a different voice and became violent and threatened, in detail, to do terrible, unspeakable things to you?!

Muse, I hope you don't mind me saying this but where does this come in? Of course anyone being threatened would be afraid but from the other things said by this therapist I have no doubt she would have said something if any threat happened. She certainly wasn't economical with comments in general.

If she wanted to say something such as RT being frightening and there was a proper reason then I think it would only be professional if she clearly defined what it was that made it so. Feedback like that should be about change or awareness if there needs to be these and not just a random personal statement followed by abrupt termination with no follow through.

Since what was discussed was that the patient ran out I don't see how that is relevant. It seems to me from what Riptide said before that what frightened her was that she was totally regressed. That can easily happen in a flashback. I may have misunderstood the situation but I can't see how talking about people being threatened with death is helpful here. The things that were said indicated RT being afraid and regressed and nothing more from what I can tell. Just my take on it.

The part that I am most unimpressed by is not attempting to have any follow through and terminating contact completely in this way. Finding oneself out of ones depth is not an offence at all but blaming the client and not ensuring their safety is hard for me to understand.

 

[mamachick]

I just need to point something out that I have noticed repeatedly. Whenever a poster has an issue with a therapist, responders almost always say that the therapist is inexperienced, incompetent, or some way in error. There are many therapists out there that are less than qualified in their jobs, as in other professions. But I have a difficult time with this because we only know one side. Before I would want to comment, I would like to know more about the experience that you had in the office. When you dissociated and had a flashback, what happened before you ran out? Did you return to the office before going home?

Out patient settings are not designed to manage clients that may become loud and threatening (I am not saying that is the case). I agree with the poster that said sometimes treatment needs to be in patient because of this. Clients having an outburst can scare the therapist, other staff, other clients. Also, when she terminated therapy, did she give you a referral or recomendations for further treatment? Therapists, staff, and other patients have a legitimate right to feel safe in their work environment. If the client does cause fear, it does not mean that they are not caring or have something wrong with them. They are human and need to be sure that their office is a safe place for all.

Sometimes our negative perceptions lead us to this polarized thinking, ie, if I am frightening to this therapist, that is why I was not adopted, that is the "why" for every bad thing that happens in my life. I understand that thinking, even my father didnt love me so x, y and z, but it keeps us in a victim mode and does not serve us well.

Part of my recovery and returning to who I use to be includes resisting the group think and speaking up in a safe place. So when I read this, I was inclined to not post at all, but I realized how important it is to add the logical and reasonable questions that I would ask before making assumptions.

If agree that I would want to know specfically what behaviors caused fear. I would also want a referral or recomendation because therapist are required to do so and are not permitted to just abandon clients.

I am really sorry for what you experienced and that it has such a negative effect on you. I hope you will share more about what happened and what if anything the therapist suggested for future treatment. If she did not, I hope that you do call her and ask for this information. You have a right and are worthy of competent treatment. Dont give up. I hope you explore these things and seek further treatment.

 

[Riptide]

For everyone saying I did something threatening, I did nothing.. I certainly did not become violent or yelling or threatening.

I was curled up in a chair, regressed, fearing that the therapist was going to hurt me. The therapist was moving too fast with her agenda and I begin to dissociate. I got real quiet and stopped moving. Then the therapist stood up making things worse as she is taller and was hence standing over me, while I was trying to hide in my chair.

She made no attempt at helping ground me or get me back. She stood there.
She said she knew something was happening but not what.

She told me what happened...
I said multiple times "stay away" and then asked if the stuff on the floor was mine (which it was--keys, papers) and then ran out the door to get away from her. I was never loud, abusive, or anything. I was a scared "kid" trying to get away from the therapist, who I thought was an abuser.

She later told me that "stay away" could mean "stay away I have a gun or a knife" BUT I was sitting in session for 30-40 minutes before the dissociation/flashback. I had no bags, no jacket, just myself.. We were having a normal session until she triggered me.


It was not the first time I had dissociated into a regressed state during session with her. But the other times, I just cried and when I left, I almost fell because I was so dizzy. Again, she did nothing to help, but she said she "made a mistake" at the next session.....


She told me via letter that it was her limitation in her ability to work with me. She told me I was "too far on the spectrum" (all disorders are on a spectrum she said)

It is not like I only saw the T a couple times.... we talked alot about me being "scared of her" and afraid she was going to hurt me. I had never even raised my voice in session.

She advertised as being an expert in Trauma, PTSD, dissociative disorders, and long-term therapy. She was a psychatrist, who spent most of her career in an academic medical setting.

She never even took the time to give me a referral to a therapist. She just sent me a bill.



.

 

[Abstract]

@brat17

[DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/he...-for-dissociation-flashback-in-session.37751/[/DLMURL]

 

[Miss cptsd xx]

The counsellor is a medical professional. She is in the position to help extremely vulnerable people. If she is dealing with some one who has flashbacks, which lets be honest would cause us all to react differently to what we actually are, then she would have been trauma trained.
I have been to numerous shrinks who have passed me on, I don't hold it against them, they simply can't deal with the things I have been through however they have never told me something like that.
Whether she was scared or not or she found the behaviour 'weird', it gives her no right to put it onto that person. She could have simply assigned a new therapist who can deal with that sort of thing.
By the sounds of it she acted in a very un professional manner.

 

[Powder]

I don't like the way your T. handled these sessions at all.
Standing over you while you dissociated and curled up sounds terrible to me.

Many misfortunes in life that feel so dismal at the time they occur could also be seen as a "blessing in disguise," if people are able to use them to go in a better direction. Sounds like you were uncomfortable with this therapist and for good reason. Whatever happened here, it sounds as if you are better off without this T. and, once you recover and recuperate from this total mishandling of your care that she bungled, you are going to be better able to know what kind of T. you don't want. This helps find one you do want.

I've had some very bad T's, one who lost his medical license for ethics violations of a severe nature. Rather than be the victim, I used this information to be more informed and find a good T.

Use this, and realize you are actually a great person who just needs a great T.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Muse,

I think saying

"I have read over and over that patients with trauma often switch into a protector self and threaten to kill the therapist (who we suddenly see as a perpetrator)"

is saying a bit much. I don't believe this happens "often" or else many of us would have police records for threatening others or would have immediately been committed.

 

[mamachick]

Riptide-I did not read any posts that indicated that they thought that you did something frightening. I simply stating that without more information, it is impossible to judge the therapists behavior. Your last post is much more descriptive.

She may very well have had an experience in past sessions that did trigger her to fear since she stood up. Her standing up is an indicator that she wanted to be in a position to bolt if necessary. It does not sound like your actions were threatening to her though. It is common practice in therapy that the therapist not put themselves in a place in the room that they can not get out if needed, at least until they have spent enough time with the patient to know them well. Since therapist are liable, she probably is not equipped to meet your needs. That is not saying any negative about you, it is risky to have clients running out in the middle of a session. If that client runs into the street and is hit by a bus, the therapist is liable in the United States.

I dont know where you live, but in the US, it is unethical to abandon the client. A referral is standard of practice. I agree with others, this sounds like it is a blessing to you that you discovered this early on. I hope you find someone that is better at meeting your needs. There is hope and I know many that have had to shop around for the right therapist.

 

[mamachick]

Actually therapist often are attacked at some point in their profession and it can be very traumatic. Customarily, those who work in patient, out patient for an agency, or go to homes or schools have to sign an agreement that they will attempt to restrain a patient if necessary and understand this to be part of their job duties. This prevents the agency from being sued if they are seriously injured.

Offices are often arranged so that the therapist chair has access to the door to summon help. Sadly it is a reality that many therapists are assaulted or accidently injured by patients who are not in touch with reality at the time. Most patients are not violent,, but therapists have no way of telling who will be. If the therapist is triggering the patient this seriously, they are not a good match for therapy. Next time could be worse. I can see how this would be frightening for the patient.

 

[Powder]

Muse, I hope you don't mind me saying this but where does this come in? Of course anyone being threatened would be afraid but from the other things said by this therapist I have no doubt she would have said something if any threat happened. She certainly wasn't economical with comments in general.....Since what was discussed was that the patient ran out I don't see how that is relevant. It seems to me from what Riptide said before that what frightened her was that she was totally regressed. That can easily happen in a flashback. I may have misunderstood the situation but I can't see how talking about people being threatened with death is helpful here. The things that were said indicated RT being afraid and regressed and nothing more from what I can tell. Just my take on it...is hard for me to understand.

No, I don't mind. I think I see your point. I admit that my perspective on C-PTSD might be different from other people's. My sister and I grew up afraid of each other's C-PTSD, so I see the post as reflecting the same issues my sister and I have had with Complex Trauma and Secondary Structural Dissociation.

No, Riptide didn't mention dissociation. She mentioned a child part taking over. And she mentioned saying "stand back, stand back." I'm filling in the blanks how I see it based on my life experience and learning about C PTSD.

A protector part is there to protect the vulnerable inner child(ren) part(s). It turns into the Persecutor.

I hear this same part saying to Riptide that the T. is right and then mocking her with the same phrase and blaming her for everything. The Persecutor is essentially mocking Riptide; this is also the way the Protector masks the trauma. It couldn't have been as bad if it was in some way "deserved." :( :( So hard to see how this plays out. ((((HUGS Riptide)))) Sad realizations here for both you and me, I guess. :(

While it is true that it is important to love and accept all the parts, it is hard with some, like when the Protector becomes the Persecutor, who thinks she's helping me, when in fact she is emotionally abusing me to mask the trauma done to me the innocent, lovable child; if I was the "unlovable slut" my Dad called me, then the abuse was deserved, and I didn't have to see it as abuse or him as abusive. :(
In this case, if Riptide's Protector/Persecutor says she was also frightening and therefore, not so lovable, then the bad things all make sense and were not so bad. Not true, though, Riptide. You didn't deserve any of that! It was bad done to you. You do still deserve love and acceptance. You are not scary, even if you scared someone once or twice. Who hasn't?

So, I don't assume anything. I was suggesting that C-PTSD is dealing with some parts that take over, not that with certainty her PP came out and said scary things (although mine has, my sister's has, etc.) I don't think you can have a wounded child part without a Protector part, because that has been my experience, but I'm sure that it is possible. None of the parts take my normal full adult responsibility. Until I saw they are also 'Me' and I am responsible for what they do, I also didn't see how they made others feel. I'm still working on this, obviously. ;)

@Abstract, You are right that the only emancipated part that was all that was mentioned was the wounded child. But, I guess I was just assuming a Protector Part showed up and was the one who said "Stay back, stay back." However, only Riptide knows about that, not me.

I think this is the Persecutor, and want her to see that, because the same part is saying "See, you are too frightening for everyone" and this Protector is also the Persecutor, ridiculing Riptide and telling her it's her own fault all these terrible things have happened to her as a maladaptive defense that is keeping her at war with herself as to if she should even be in therapy.

I feel empathy for Riptide because this PP Part is a difficult one to integrate. It is also trying to tell her to get out of therapy and that her therapist is a threat. From my experience, I cannot trust parts to decide this for me. They may help me to see aspects of the therapist that are problematic and that I should consider. But they don't get to decide on their own that all therapists are bad. I have a part that finds fault with every therapist (everyone!) and makes me angry with them over trivial mistakes. It also tries to push my husband away for trivial mistakes that trigger me; it wants total self-isolation for survival. I have to keep working with myself to see that as not the way to happiness in life.

I think the Protector has difficulty seeing how s/he is threatening. She is a limited defense system emotional part: how could she? It's up to the main personality to realize. I'm in the same boat, both at work and at home, in all relationships.

This structural dissociation made it really hard to make this post. I had to edit it a lot to try to have it make some sense. I want to be helpful, but this is difficult to think and write about! Very hard.

Riptide, I hope you see I'm in the same boat. I may be assuming too much. I have much work to do with understanding my parts and those in others. Maybe, at the very least, your therapist pushed you too much and should have allowed you to lead more (your inner child was trying to tell you this). At the most, she really was unprofessional and her reaction to you proves that. Even so, she was probably being somewhat honest with you about how your "stand back" made her feel, whether or not it was "you" or your "protector" in control then, as only you can decide.

The way she handled her "mistakes" tells me that she is not equipped with the patience and gentleness necessary to work with Complex Trauma. And I will not be too judgmental of her, though I feel some anger toward her for this, because I often make the same mistake.

I hope you see that you deserve good therapy and gentle treatment. Please go and look for that until you find it. Don't give up hope. Don't listen to that part that says you are too frightening, because that is not the whole story. Nor it it the whole story that you can't be scary. The polarizing needs to give way to a gentler way all around. You are right and can find a loving way.

Thanks if you made it to the end.