The Tarnished Badge

[BLHutch]

Today is my wife's birthday. About six weeks ago she lost the diamond out of her engagement ring. I managed to scrape up the money to have it replaced as a surprise. I took her to the Dairy Queen in the next town over which is where we went on our first date. I got down on one knee (bad back and all) and proposed to her. (I never really proposed the first time, so I wanted to do it as a way to make up for it.) She said yes, she would still marry me if she had to decide again. Our anniversary is March 2nd and initially I wanted to do it then, but I decided to do it for her birthday instead.

So now, not only can she say that I took her to Dairy Queen on our first date, but she can say that I proposed at the same Dairy Queen!

 

[The Albatross]

Lovely way to celebrate, and very nice to have the affirmation from your spouse that she would still marry you if she had to decide again.

My partner and I got remarried at the 10 year mark after a particularly tumultuous time. It cements the bond for the both of us and is a reminder of our commitment to each other.

Good move BL!

 

[BLHutch]

Tomorrow I see my therapist again. First visit I've had since October. I really like her. I'll make a full report.......probably on Tuesday since I have to go in between classes and tomorrow is my late night.

 

[BLHutch]

Okay. I met with my therapist again today. We had to get caught up on all the goings on since I last saw her several months back. She gave me some additional things to work on.......most related to relaxation techniques. But she said that she things I am doing fairly well. We do need to work on my sleep issues though, which I knew going into it. We are going to meet again in a couple of weeks when I am on Spring Break.

 

[BLHutch]

Not such a good day today. My wife is having a very stressful year at school (she is a teacher/coach) and it seems like every day there is something else that happened that she tells me about. I was already having a tough day and she called me while I was in between classes to tell me the latest deal. I blew up and told her that I just couldn't deal with any more of her problems when I'm barely keeping my head above the water as it is. I just can't handle the constant every day stress that her job keeps adding to our lives.

I really feel bad about it. It has been building up for a long time and I finally blew my top. I've been having anger issues lately to where any unexpected stress royally p!sses me off. I don't know why. 15 years ago nothing ever bothered me. People always joked with me about how I was one of the calmest, coolest headed people they knew. Wish they could see me now.

She had a soccer game tonight and she won't be home until late, so I can't even apologize.

 

[BLHutch]

Last night I dreamed of car accidents. I must have seen every fatality accident that I worked in my career in my dreams. I woke up pale and sweating. I had a hard time catching my breath. Seeing the images flash over and over again in my head.........

 

[DharmaGirl]

You are so romantic! I bet she loved it!

Isn't it frustrating when they are doing successful surgeries in another country and you can't get them? I really feel for you. They weren't going to let me have the 2nd surgery since only 50% of the people get better. They had a consortium with all sorts of neurosurgeons, pain docs, rehab docs, and everyone decided to give me a chance. Thank goodness for that because it has improved my life so much.

 

[BLHutch]

Haven't posted in a while. Been busy with work......which is good because it keeps my mind occupied.

Anyway, for my 6th Anniversary I got a tattoo. (I already have one, so this is technically my second.) I am hoping that having it can help me fight both the PTSD demon and the Degenerative Disc Disease demon. I got my mother's family crest (The Fitzgeralds) tattooed on my right arm. My 9th great-grandfather Silken Thomas Fitzgerald led the first rebellion in Ireland against English rule. For which he was hanged, drawn, and quartered. (ie: had his intestines removed while he was still alive.)

I got the tattoo to remind me of all my family has been through over the centuries. My pain, though real to me, is nothing compared to what my ancestors went through. Now I have a constant reminder of that. When I am having a bad back pain day or a bad PTSD day, I can look at my tattoo and remember that no matter what, my family always soldiers on. We do not give up and we hold on to what we value in life.

If they can do it, so can I. (Incidentally, I told my therapist that I was getting this tattoo and the reason I was getting it. She said that she was not a big fan of tattoos, but that, given my reasoning, she thought it was a good idea for me.)

 

[BLHutch]

Friends,

Pardon the long absence. I had a steroid shot in my back and week ago Monday and suffered some MAJOR complications from it. It was so bad that I could barely walk for a week. Naturally it was over Spring Break, so that is how I spent my vacation! That is actually a good thing since I didn't have to miss any class for it. I've had other injections before and they didn't cause me any trouble, but this one sure did. I don't think I'll risk having another one.

Hutch

 

[BLHutch]

Okay, so at my last therapist visit she mentioned something called "Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder" with me. She said based on what she has observed and from what I have told her, I am probably living with a touch of that too. Yay me!

Hutch

 

[BLHutch]

Been dealing with increasingly severe pain these past few weeks, all stemming from a steroid injection in my back which, despite what the doctor said, obviously went awry. I'm hoping it will calm down eventually, but I don't know. It has been a month now. Dealing with PTSD and a Chronic Pain condition isn't fun. At all. One or the other please, not both! It was so bad Monday night that I cried myself to sleep. Something I've NEVER done. I guess the good news is that they did allow me to increase some of my medications to see if we can get things back in check. Not by much, just an extra half dose of my pain medicine and an increase in my Lyrica for the nerve pain.

Now for the good news. I've joined the 21st Century. My wife presented me with my first iPhone on Tuesday evening. I've never had one before. In an instant, I turned into a giddy teenager girl! Who would have known all of the cool things there are on those. Now I know why my students continually stare at them while they are in class! I was able to trade in my iPod and do it all through the phone now! I even have an "otter box" to protect it. I am thinking of getting my trusty flip phone that I've had for years framed. Or donate it to a museum. I haven't decided yet.

And I remember when cordless phones were the coolest things out there!

 

[The Albatross]

No dealing with PTSD and chronic pain is not fun. But it is doable. I had a steroid shot go bad once. It messed me up for a while. My friend here, just had the second one in her shoulder, the first being a bust. There is nothing they can do for her disease processes (two very rare "orphan" diseases they don't even manufacture meds for that create lesions in her "white" tissue.) she is essentially on chemo for life. Both ankles, both ears, both knees, and now one shoulder affected... but she perseveres.

I have not joined the 21st century, I have an old flip phone and am not inclined to learn all the other crap. But if your having fun, I'm very happy for you. Personally I find the unbridled compulsion that people have with them a bit disturbing. We went out to supper and a large table was filled with 4 young couples and their infant/toddlers. All of the adults were attending to their phones, no one having a conversation at the table and no one but the staff attending to the children. It irked me and I thought it neglectful. I have also been known to catch a lifeguard texting and have thrown their phone into the pool. I'm kind of a hard ass that way..