My memories of sexual abuse came back when I was 17. It's been 17 year since that started. So,I am 34. I have found out I was raped by three men and an additional person molested me.
Lately, memeories have been coming back frequently. I think it's due to accupuncture. Yesterday I was in church. (Quick backstory I was raped by my Sunday school teacher and other members of his family when I was around 7ish.) I love my church and I am not the crying type. Tearing up of course.
I was in service and the pastor speaking had made a video of kids playing the telephone game to illustrate gossiping. The chairs that the kids were sitting in are the chairs I remember from my childhood. The girl at the very end had straight blond hair and had on a dress. She also didn't act like she was aware she had on a dress. You have to be careful when you are younger and when you wear a dress. I never was careful. Just like this girl but they edited it well. I didn't understand how to act in a dress as far as sitting and standing. My mom did not put shorts on underneath my dress or teach me how to act in a dress but yet I was forced to wear one. Well, this video triggered me and I started shaking and having tears streaming down my face. I grabbed my housemate's hand. She whisper if I was okay and I couldn't say anything. She started praying quietly (I go to a very progressive church. Lights are usually dim even during the sermon, the sermon is on a tv screen, and it's louder than a normal traditional service.) I was able to calm down and start focusing on the sermon. I prayed for help and for Satan to leave me alone. Then near the end the pastor used the bible verse my abuser used to make certain I didn't tell anyone what he was doing to me. Not only did he use it he had the whole congregation repeat it aloud, multiple times. Well, I couldn't take it. I stumbled out of the chair row I was on. Went to the far side in the back corner and I almost sobbed out loud. I understood I had to get out of there or disrupt a church service. I was able to get outside with only a few people seeing me. My housemate was on my heels. I got outside and bent over and just sobbed. She said what's going on. After a few seconds I said keep your mouth shut and you will stay out of trouble. My housemate didn't understand. I said he use to tell me that. She said oh, OHHH! Later I remembered him telling people like me didn't go to Heaven. Which explains my fear of Heaven if I were to die.
Thankfully, I had a wonderful evening and met a woman who had an awesome personality. God definitely placed her in my path at the right time.
Lately, memeories have been coming back frequently. I think it's due to accupuncture. Yesterday I was in church. (Quick backstory I was raped by my Sunday school teacher and other members of his family when I was around 7ish.) I love my church and I am not the crying type. Tearing up of course.
I was in service and the pastor speaking had made a video of kids playing the telephone game to illustrate gossiping. The chairs that the kids were sitting in are the chairs I remember from my childhood. The girl at the very end had straight blond hair and had on a dress. She also didn't act like she was aware she had on a dress. You have to be careful when you are younger and when you wear a dress. I never was careful. Just like this girl but they edited it well. I didn't understand how to act in a dress as far as sitting and standing. My mom did not put shorts on underneath my dress or teach me how to act in a dress but yet I was forced to wear one. Well, this video triggered me and I started shaking and having tears streaming down my face. I grabbed my housemate's hand. She whisper if I was okay and I couldn't say anything. She started praying quietly (I go to a very progressive church. Lights are usually dim even during the sermon, the sermon is on a tv screen, and it's louder than a normal traditional service.) I was able to calm down and start focusing on the sermon. I prayed for help and for Satan to leave me alone. Then near the end the pastor used the bible verse my abuser used to make certain I didn't tell anyone what he was doing to me. Not only did he use it he had the whole congregation repeat it aloud, multiple times. Well, I couldn't take it. I stumbled out of the chair row I was on. Went to the far side in the back corner and I almost sobbed out loud. I understood I had to get out of there or disrupt a church service. I was able to get outside with only a few people seeing me. My housemate was on my heels. I got outside and bent over and just sobbed. She said what's going on. After a few seconds I said keep your mouth shut and you will stay out of trouble. My housemate didn't understand. I said he use to tell me that. She said oh, OHHH! Later I remembered him telling people like me didn't go to Heaven. Which explains my fear of Heaven if I were to die.
Thankfully, I had a wonderful evening and met a woman who had an awesome personality. God definitely placed her in my path at the right time.
