ButterflyBean
Not Active
Hi everyone,
It's been a long time since I've posted, but I do read other entries every day and comment from time to time. Amongst the every day stressors of life, which are further complicated by my physical disability/mobility impairment, I am trying to navigate a therapeutic dilemma that I never imagined myself in. The quick background is that I've been in therapy since age 14, have the same therapist since 2007 when I entered college, went through several different psychiatrists, and am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and PTSD since 2012. Currently, my biggest issues surround abandonment, attachment, and connecting with my inner child.
Let me set the stage by saying that I'm currently pursuing my masters in counseling, so I am quite familiar with ethical principles in the USA, types of therapy, and fundamental principles/theories. I receive EMDR monthly and have a solid therapeutic alliance with all of my providers, which happens to be where the problem lies. You see, my insurance plan involves Medicaid because of other services I receive for my disability. Long story short, there is an unexpected change in my mental health coverage, and thus a strong chance that I may not be able to see my current psychiatrist anymore. My options for a new provider are very limited, and quite frankly, ones that I am not comfortable with. I should add that I was already struggling with the fact that my doctor is going on maternity leave at the end of the summer. I have failed most medications and underwent genetic testing as a result. We were in the process of formulating a plan surrounding medication and her upcoming leave when I got slammed with the frustrating news regarding insurance. My doctor is aware of the situation and is currently processing viable options, but I am preparing myself for forced discharge from the clinic and having to stop my medication. I told my therapist, and her main concern surrounds the loss of the relationship with my psychiatrist. My doctor is the first one to see me as a person, actually listen instead of automatically pushing medication, and correctly diagnose PTSD. I know how hard it is to find psychiatrists like her, so ending our relationship is, and will be, extremely difficult. I even put off a major surgery because of her maternity leave and my not being comfortable in the hospital while she is gone, especially since my trauma stems from medical procedures and emotional abuse.
There is a possibility of paying a new provider privately because I have financial support from my parents, but building a new relationship is another story. I don't know if I have a question or if I'm just looking for compassion. I think I just needed to vent. Along with the loss of an important relationship, my concern/dilemma lies in where and how to proceed with therapy. I find EMDR extremely helpful in terms of getting in touch with emotions, but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable continuing without medication. On the other hand, if I lose EMDR, I lose my only access to difficult emotions right now. I also wonder how this will change my relationship with my actual therapist? Having a disability has allowed me to learn how to navigate issues with insurance companies, but I've hit a roadblock that may be impossible to overcome.
Also, do you have any thoughts on encouraging my younger self to speak? She has trouble finding words/expressing needs (feelings) and is unable to write or draw because of physical limitations. Any ideas for how to satisfy her need to be held? My parents are emotionally unavailable, and it's obviously not appropriate for the therapy room. Trying to find a balance between appropriate touch/physical contact and keeping healthy therapeutic boundaries. Thanks for listening!
It's been a long time since I've posted, but I do read other entries every day and comment from time to time. Amongst the every day stressors of life, which are further complicated by my physical disability/mobility impairment, I am trying to navigate a therapeutic dilemma that I never imagined myself in. The quick background is that I've been in therapy since age 14, have the same therapist since 2007 when I entered college, went through several different psychiatrists, and am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and PTSD since 2012. Currently, my biggest issues surround abandonment, attachment, and connecting with my inner child.
Let me set the stage by saying that I'm currently pursuing my masters in counseling, so I am quite familiar with ethical principles in the USA, types of therapy, and fundamental principles/theories. I receive EMDR monthly and have a solid therapeutic alliance with all of my providers, which happens to be where the problem lies. You see, my insurance plan involves Medicaid because of other services I receive for my disability. Long story short, there is an unexpected change in my mental health coverage, and thus a strong chance that I may not be able to see my current psychiatrist anymore. My options for a new provider are very limited, and quite frankly, ones that I am not comfortable with. I should add that I was already struggling with the fact that my doctor is going on maternity leave at the end of the summer. I have failed most medications and underwent genetic testing as a result. We were in the process of formulating a plan surrounding medication and her upcoming leave when I got slammed with the frustrating news regarding insurance. My doctor is aware of the situation and is currently processing viable options, but I am preparing myself for forced discharge from the clinic and having to stop my medication. I told my therapist, and her main concern surrounds the loss of the relationship with my psychiatrist. My doctor is the first one to see me as a person, actually listen instead of automatically pushing medication, and correctly diagnose PTSD. I know how hard it is to find psychiatrists like her, so ending our relationship is, and will be, extremely difficult. I even put off a major surgery because of her maternity leave and my not being comfortable in the hospital while she is gone, especially since my trauma stems from medical procedures and emotional abuse.
There is a possibility of paying a new provider privately because I have financial support from my parents, but building a new relationship is another story. I don't know if I have a question or if I'm just looking for compassion. I think I just needed to vent. Along with the loss of an important relationship, my concern/dilemma lies in where and how to proceed with therapy. I find EMDR extremely helpful in terms of getting in touch with emotions, but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable continuing without medication. On the other hand, if I lose EMDR, I lose my only access to difficult emotions right now. I also wonder how this will change my relationship with my actual therapist? Having a disability has allowed me to learn how to navigate issues with insurance companies, but I've hit a roadblock that may be impossible to overcome.
Also, do you have any thoughts on encouraging my younger self to speak? She has trouble finding words/expressing needs (feelings) and is unable to write or draw because of physical limitations. Any ideas for how to satisfy her need to be held? My parents are emotionally unavailable, and it's obviously not appropriate for the therapy room. Trying to find a balance between appropriate touch/physical contact and keeping healthy therapeutic boundaries. Thanks for listening!
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