therapist emotional/psychological abuse

[brokenpony]

Well, an old creep is just about that. :)
That does not necessarily make people good, just because they were doing something (badly) a long time.

good point :)

 

[Kubash16]

So to give a comparison so you have an idea of how some of it should be so that you aren’t uncomfortable:

My T sits across a coffee table from me, never closer.

If he’s handing something to me, it’s either set on the table or handed directly to me across the table.

He’s only ever looked at my face, sometimes has noticed if a clothing item is fun or whatever, quick comment, then moves on right away.

He never says I should have spoken up or implies that anything was my fault.

We’ve also had a conversation about standing up for myself. All that that entailed was asking if there had been a time that I did and what it felt like.

You need to find a T who has much clearer boundaries.

 

[brokenpony]

So to give a comparison so you have an idea of how some of it should be so that you aren’t uncomfortable:

My T sits across a coffee table from me, never closer.

If he’s handing something to me, it’s either set on the table or handed directly to me across the table.

He’s only ever looked at my face, sometimes has noticed if a clothing item is fun or whatever, quick comment, then moves on right away.

He never says I should have spoken up or implies that anything was my fault.

We’ve also had a conversation about standing up for myself. All that that entailed was asking if there had been a time that I did and what it felt like.

You need to find a T who has much clearer boundaries.

this is helpful, thanks for giving me examples as this is my first therapist.

 

[Kubash16]

I’m glad it’s helped you. He’s my first T too. But one thing I’ve come to really love about him and has massively helped build trust is his boundaries are so clear, I don’t have to second guess stuff like this. For instance (we’ve been deep in trauma talk so this dream made a lot of sense) but I dreamed he raped me. But it was okay because once awake, the thought of him actually doing that was so absurd it’s laughable. Like he just doesn’t give any indication there. Which you deserve that too. You deserve someone that doesn’t cause you to question anything like that.

 

[Ronin]

Also ask.

Definitely before any form of touch, but also about locations and scheduling, how comfortable you are with the settings and with seeing them basically.

A therapist should mind these things and care for consent to anything.

 

[scout86]

That would creep me out.

But, just as an experiment, if you don't want him sitting near you, what would happen if you refused to sit near him? What would happen if you objected to him setting something on your knee? I'm NOT saying his behavior is ok. My T rarely comes within a couple of feet of me. We basically sit on opposite sides of the room. (It's a small room.) We actually have talked about that. He notices and takes in the meaning. (He says he doesn't have many people who sit where I do these days. Sounds like maybe just 2 of us.) I have no idea how he handles other people. I know he knows I value distance, an escape route, and a clear view of the door. However he feels about it, he respects my choices.

As far as "fault" goes.... Tricky subject. Mostly, I think people with PTSD tend to blame themselves. Some people, though, are troubled by the idea that they were/are powerless. There's potentially value in learning things you might have done better. There's not really much value in BLAMING anyone. What happened happened. Sometimes it's mostly bad luck and being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong people.

 

[brokenpony]

That would creep me out.

But, just as an experiment, if you don't want him sitting near you, what would happen if you refused to sit near him? What would happen if you objected to him setting something on your knee? I'm NOT saying his behavior is ok. My T rarely comes within a couple of feet of me. We basically sit on opposite sides of the room. (It's a small room.) We actually have talked about that. He notices and takes in the meaning. (He says he doesn't have many people who sit where I do these days. Sounds like maybe just 2 of us.) I have no idea how he handles other people. I know he knows I value distance, an escape route, and a clear view of the door. However he feels about it, he respects my choices.

As far as "fault" goes.... Tricky subject. Mostly, I think people with PTSD tend to blame themselves. Some people, though, are troubled by the idea that they were/are powerless. There's potentially value in learning things you might have done better. There's not really much value in BLAMING anyone. What happened happened. Sometimes it's mostly bad luck and being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong people.

well the thing is that like i said i like sitting close to him and being touched because i have erotic transference. my question is whether it’s okay or appropriate since just because the client likes it doesn’t mean it’s okay. and he knows that i get off on my own abuse, he knows all this stuff about my sexuality and how i subconsciously seek out sexual relationships with abusive people. the transference is confusing things for me because i don’t know if i am aroused by it because of that or because he is grooming me.

 

[Kubash16]

So I get you like it. But that just means he should be even more aware of backing off a bit. You are in a vulnerable position and he knows that and the fact that he’s feeding into it is incredibly dangerous and you need to get out now.

 

[brokenpony]

So I get you like it. But that just means he should be even more aware of backing off a bit. You are in a vulnerable position and he knows that and the fact that he’s feeding into it is incredibly dangerous and you need to get out now.

i know :( i think i also like it because i get a little danger-rush from it which i guess is a ptsd thing, my heart rate elevates and i feel a little scared and excited at the same time and want to feel that again. part of the reason i wanted to ask if it seems like he is being inappropriate or abusive or if i’m just paranoid is that risky illicit sex like this is something i am prone to and while i wouldnt ever seduce him it’s possible i would do it if he started it and that would be really bad.

 

[Kubash16]

Please, please find another therapist before you get hurt.

We re-traumatize ourselves, that’s the area you are starting to tread in. The fact that he isn’t putting a stop to it means at some point you will be traumatized again.

 

[brokenpony]

Please, please find another therapist before you get hurt.

We re-traumatize ourselves, that’s the area you are starting to tread in. The fact that he isn’t putting a stop to it means at some point you will be traumatized again.

i know. i already feel weirdly bonded to him and need to tear away. i’m not sure if he can tell if i like it or not as i hold things close to my chest but he can probably tell simply because i didnt pull away. i also notice that i am behaving a little more childlike with him than i would with anyone else which he has possibly noticed. it’s so messed up if this is what he’s doing since he knows everything. i told him i feel “made to be used” and he keeps bringing that up. idk ugh. thanks for your advice i do think you’re right it’s feeling danger zone.

 

[Mach123]

The vulnerability is very hard which is why I have female therapists. I don't want to say much as you said it all pretty much already. if I put myself in your shoes and I'm feeling your feelings I don't trust anyone. Everyone should get out now. : )

That's my cPTSD talking and my experience. Thanks for sharing it, I think your brave but I think that's probably not a great situation for you. I don't worry about this with the women. That's just me. I just don't do the sexual abuse stuff with men. I have spoken about with other men who are survivors but in general I just don't. I see female doctors as well. It just works better for me.