therapist emotional/psychological abuse

[brokenpony]

I agree with the comments about being drunk are inappropriate and wrong. Again, I think it’s time to consult with other therapists.

Freezing up is not a sign at you “wanted it.” It’s a survival mechanism when faced with trauma, and happens especially when one believes that they cannot escape it defend themsleves (fight or flight.) You probably learned in childhood that it was safer to be silent then.

Being aroused during a sexual assault is also not a sign you actually really wanted it. It’s a biological response to stimulus. Not your fault. Doesn’t make you disgusting at all. Just normal.

Did you give consent? That is what defines if you wanted it or not. It sounds like you didn’t say anything at all. I’m sorry the person proceeded anyhow. Not ok.

Stating you are not helpless with your therapist isn’t the same as stating you are to blame for the rapes.

Now is a good opportunity to begin to practice saying “no” and bringing up concerns about what you legitimately need to change or stop. It is safe now to have boundaries and therapy is a good place to practice them. If you go back, I hope you communicate your concerns. Verbally or in a letter. You have very valid concerns.

oh okay, when you were explaining what he meant about not being helpless i thought you were talking about all of it. i know i’m not helpless with him, i think that mostly it’s me wondering if it’s worth the stress, but a letter might be a good way to do that without the stress.

 

[Justmehere]

Yeah, especially if a letter is less stressful. And it may not be worth the stress to even go back... but if you do, I hope you bring up the concerns.

On a different note:

The theme of “wanting” abuse or trauma or being aroused by abuse keeps popping up on this thread. It might be helpful, if you haven’t domes this already, to look up information about compulsive trauma re-enactments. (I get into them myself.) Some trauma survivors subconsciously keep trying to master or solve the past trauma by ending up in new abusive relationships and dynamics. It’s a bit different than simply wanting more trauma to happen. For some people, it’s more about gaining control and safety over past trauma. It might apply to you, might not.

 

[brokenpony]

Yeah, especially if a letter is less stressful. And it may not be worth the stress to even go back... but if you do, I hope you bing up the concerns.

On a different note:

The theme of “wanting” abuse or trauma or being aroused by abuse keeps popping up on this thread. It might be helpful, if you haven’t domes this already, to look up information about compulsive trauma re-enactments. (I get into them myself.) Some trauma survivors subconsciously keep trying to master or solve the past trauma by ending up in new abusive relationships and dynamics. It’s a bit different than simply wanting more trauma to happen. For some people, it’s more about gaining control and safety over past trauma. It might apply to you, might not.

thanks for the suggestion. i think at first i didn’t even realize it was what i was doing, seeking out abuse to re-enact but now i see that and i can see it happening with my therapist in a way i never had before. i’m seeing that the erotic transference is likely not because i see an idealized figure but because he reminds me of my ‘type’ and it’s scary how strong the pull is to stay and let it happen, if that’s really what’s happening and he’s not just clueless.

 

[Mach123]

This stuff is crazy you laid it out so well, I feel like I see it better now. I'm aroused, I'm frozen, I have to keep reliving it till I overcome it and I'm not so sure I really want to overcome it. Control it maybe. : )

 

[hithere]

I

I feel safe and respected by my female trauma specialist having previously perpetuated unhealthy patterns and blurred boundaries with a male. It wasn't my fault, I have now learnt to make different choices. You deserve a safe place and clear boundaries with a therapist you feel comfortable with.

I am curious about this @Pitstop You say you were the one who pepetuated the unhealthy patterns and blurred boundaries but it wasn't your fault. Do you mean that you unwittingly petpetuated the the unhealthy pattern, and then realized you needed to make it stop? I am curious about this. Also @Mach123 you say that you behave in a way that causes unhealthy therapy relationship by doing a "broken wing come on." I don't mean to hijack @brokenpony thread. But I want to understand what you mean by being a bottom controller? Is there somewhere I can read about it.

 

[brokenpony]

I

I am curious about this @Pitstop You say you were the one who pepetuated the unhealthy patterns and blurred boundaries but it wasn't your fault. Do you mean that you unwittingly petpetuated the the unhealthy pattern, and then realized you needed to make it stop? I am curious about this. Also @Mach123 you say that you behave in a way that causes unhealthy therapy relationship by doing a "broken wing come on." I don't mean to hijack @brokenpony thread. But I want to understand what you mean by being a bottom controller? Is there somewhere I can read about it.

i think maybe we have a tendency to blame ourselves in whatever way we can for these things even though the professionals are the ones breaking the code, sometimes the law :(

 

[Mach123]

I

I am curious about this @Pitstop You say you were the one who pepetuated the unhealthy patterns and blurred boundaries but it wasn't your fault. Do you mean that you unwittingly petpetuated the the unhealthy pattern, and then realized you needed to make it stop? I am curious about this. Also @Mach123 you say that you behave in a way that causes unhealthy therapy relationship by doing a "broken wing come on." I don't mean to hijack @brokenpony thread. But I want to understand what you mean by being a bottom controller? Is there somewhere I can read about it.

This thread has touched a core issue for me. I'm trying to understand it myself so maybe someone else can explain "bottom controller." Its just a way to refer to it. It's about roles or gender or dominance or who says what's going to happen next? Looking it up on google won't do you much good I'm afraid as it'll direct you to BDSM stuff and I want you to know it's nothing about that. I don't even know what that stuff is and I don't look at it. I've been trying to write this out and deal with it since I first came on here. Can't wait till my therapist gets back next week!

 

[hithere]

Thank you @Mach123 I think this is something I started facing about a month ago, but don't fully understand it. thx

 

[brokenpony]

not a minor. he doesn’t specialize but i know he sees youth.

@joeylittle do you think this is concerning?

 

[Theabea Palmette]

Okay, thank you for clarifying all of this. In my opinion-I would find another T. I know you say it’s gradual, but if anything makes you uncomfortable (and I would be highly uncomfortable) it’s time to go.

Look up "grooming"

 

[brokenpony]

Look up "grooming"

so this definitely seems like grooming to you? the only thing is he almost never compliments me or treats me like a “special” client (except that he does often give me 15-20 min extra time).

 

[Kubash16]

The extra time definitely counts, plus would be a huge boundary issue anyway.