therapist emotional/psychological abuse

[brokenpony]

The extra time definitely counts, plus would be a huge boundary issue anyway.

oh hmm ok. i didn’t think it was very unusual to go 15-20 min over or that it was a huge boundary issue. i just thought he thought i needed extra help :/

 

[Kubash16]

Therapists are supposed to be very specific about time with their clients. It wouldn’t be possible for him to give an extra 15 minutes to every single client and is therefore treating you special.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I agree with everyone who says to find a new T. Especially if you've already been uncomfortable over time and it's not getting better. Some of the things you listed are extremely questionable, if not downright unethical.

 

[ILoveLife]

I agree with finding a new T but don't agree with the extra time being a boundary violation in all cases. My T has nothing abusive about her and our appointments always go longer than 50 minutes, she does schedule around it. It's not me who's special, it's the needed time to dig into the issues.

Regardless, yes, change Ts.

 

[Kubash16]

I agree with finding a new T but don't agree with the extra time being a boundary violation in all cases. My T has nothing abusive about her and our appointments always go longer than 50 minutes, she does schedule around it. It's not me who's special, it's the needed time to dig into the issues.

Regardless, yes, change Ts.

I’m curious, in this particular case do you feel like this is just to dig into issues or a boundary violation (coupled with everything else happening)?

 

[ILoveLife]

Really depends, K. I don't think it's a red flag exactly, that's what I mean. The touching, the blaming, etc, are innadmissible.
The extra appointment time? Not so much.

 

[Pitstop]

I

I am curious about this @Pitstop You say you were the one who pepetuated the unhealthy patterns and blurred boundaries but it wasn't your fault. Do you mean that you unwittingly petpetuated the the unhealthy pattern, and then realized you needed to make it stop? I am curious about this. Also @Mach123 you say that you behave in a way that causes unhealthy therapy relationship by doing a "broken wing come on." I don't mean to hijack @brokenpony thread. But I want to understand what you mean by being a bottom controller? Is there somewhere I can read about it.

Sorry I've been away from the site so only just saw your question. 're blurred boundaries, I ended up in bed with my online therapist when I met him for a face to face session, but did not have sex when I realised I was perpetuating old patterns of looking for love in the wrong place with a man who was inappropriate and unavailable. Feel a bit silly now looking back, but glad I saw it and moved on.

 

[hithere]

@Pitstop thank you. Amazing you stopped it, and there are so many whack-o therapists out there. I see what you mean now. Thanks.

 

[Snowflake]

Ugh leave please

 

[brokenpony]

i saw him today and he was so normal so now i’m wondering if i imagined everything. even though it was all gradual, i keep telling myself that. but after today i feel really crazy because he was professional in every way.

 

[hithere]

I said this before, but he sounds so much like my ex-t. I wish there was pm so you could tell me the locale you're in, or vice versa, to see if it is the same t. It is so weird how similar! I will say that I believe he is either flirting with you because he can and he's attracted to you, and knows you're vunerable and gets a rush out of it himself. He then either knows he shouldn't, so sometimes is "on good professional behavior." Or, sometimes holds him self in a more professional posture as a way to keep you off guard and coming back. KInd of like playing a slot machine.

Especially when you stated it felt like cat and mouse and you were the mouse. That is exactly how it felt with my ex t.

If he is "innoncent," on the otherhand, he is making a poor attempt at using "humor" and playing it "cool" like he's some comedien in a raunch movie--in some of the 12 step programs I've been in people will talk that way with each other. However, INMHO for a t to say to a client, "He f-d you alright," THAT is not cool. I don't care if you walk the streets every single night of the week and it's your pimp talking to you this way. This is not what you say to someone when showing them respect and giving them dignity they deserve, especially a rape victim! If you were my daughter telling me this, I would be furious with this so called counselor!

I don't think you have imagined what you have experienced. His behavior today does not negate his behavior in previous sessions. How many months have you been using this therapist? Did you say the age difference, I forget if you did.

 

[brokenpony]

I said this before, but he sounds so much like my ex-t. I wish there was pm so you could tell me the locale you're in, or vice versa, to see if it is the same t. It is so weird how similar! I will say that I believe he is either flirting with you because he can and he's attracted to you, and knows you're vunerable and gets a rush out of it himself. He then either knows he shouldn't, so sometimes is "on good professional behavior." Or, sometimes holds him self in a more professional posture as a way to keep you off guard and coming back. KInd of like playing a slot machine.

Especially when you stated it felt like cat and mouse and you were the mouse. That is exactly how it felt with my ex t.

If he is "innoncent," on the otherhand, he is making a poor attempt at using "humor" and playing it "cool" like he's some comedien in a raunch movie--in some of the 12 step programs I've been in people will talk that way with each other. However, INMHO for a t to say to a client, "He f-d you alright," THAT is not cool. I don't care if you walk the streets every single night of the week and it's your pimp talking to you this way. This is not what you say to someone when showing them respect and giving them dignity they deserve, especially a rape victim! If you were my daughter telling me this, I would be furious with this so called counselor!

I don't think you have imagined what you have experienced. His behavior today does not negate his behavior in previous sessions. How many months have you been using this therapist? Did you say the age difference, I forget if you did.

yes the weird thing to me is that part of the reason i trusted him was that he pointed out that a person had tested my boundaries and groomed me similar to the way predators groom children. i thought it was an astute reading of the situation that showed he understands what psychological abuse/grooming of adults looks like since people rarely discuss the grooming of adults. then he started with the accidental and intermittent touching (he touched my arm when i was leaving recently, when he had never done that before, i mean never done an intentional friendly touch at all) and the other boundary tests. so if he knows... does he know what he’s doing? i have wondered if it’s like the slot machine reinforcement or some kind of gaslighting. he’s in his 60s and i’m in my 30’s. it’s been about 6 months with him.