Therapist finished with me without telling me, what do I do?

[Puzzled!]

I've been seeing a therapist for about 5 years and took some time off to regroup and rethink how I would use therapy once I return. I returned after the break and was not able to communicate with my therapist in the next phase of treatment. At the end of the session, my therapist thanked me for checking in with her and said I should let her know when I wanted to check in again. I was a bit puzzled because we had not talked about the next phase. I later found out that by another therapist I was working with for my PTSD that my primary therapist had completed her work with me. This was quite the shock because I never had a chance to really terminate with her. I sent her a letter expressing my thoughts about how it left me feeling. I have tried reaching out to her, but she has not responded. Now I am left feeling that I did something wrong and have damaged the relationship.

 

[Abstract]

Hi! Just trying to follow here. You mention taking a break after 5 years. ? How was that decided, for how long, how was the return planned, was the "next phase" planned and discussed. When you booked the follow up appointment did you indicate you expected to be continuing therapy again? It sounds to me as if she perceived what you thought of as a time off as termination. Did anything happen in therapy before your time off?

 

[makingit]

Hi! Just trying to follow here. You mention taking a break after 5 years. ? How was that decided, for how long, how was the return planned, was the "next phase" planned and discussed. When you booked the follow up appointment did you indicate you expected to be continuing therapy again? It sounds to me as if she perceived what you thought of as a time off as termination. Did anything happen in therapy before your time off?

The break was my decision and I was specific about how long. So we scheduled an appointment at my last session before the break for when I would return. The next phase was not planned and discussed prior to my return. It was my intentions to discuss the next phase upon my return. During my sabbatical, I sent her a letter updating her as to where I was and my wishes to return but had some reservations about how the return would be for me. In answer to whether anything happened before my time off, nothing did that I could recall. I must admit I came back from that break stronger and more focused, ready to take the work to the next level, but with less frequency. She is really great and I loved the work that I did with her. I thought and believe we had a really great working relationship. This is why I am so puzzled.

The last letter I wrote I shared my thoughts about the sudden ending and wanted an opportunity to still connect with her via phone. However, she has not responded. I want to believe that maybe this might be difficult for her too. I don't know whether or not I should reach out again, or just let it go. I don't want her to feel like I am harassing her and want to respect her right to not connect. My wishes are that I could meet with her just to process where the miscommunication was and move on, whether it's with her or not. I am really trying to check myself to see if it's my past trauma that is reacting and responding to what I perceive as rejection, hurt and abandonment. I'm so puzzled and disappointed in all of this because I really expected that when it was time for us to terminate it would have been done in a more planned way. I never planned on being in therapy forever, so I always dreamed of what termination would look like, because I have not experienced other losses in my life very well.

 

[Abstract]

Ah. So you said to her you need a break, told her for how long, booked a session for your return before you discontinued. Told her that on return you would be entering the next phase. Correct? Does she perhaps have the type of clinic where you are given a time slot that is yours the same day and week and are committed to it? Did you discuss with her why you wanted to take a break and was there any possibility she could have thought you may or may not want to continue with her? Can you phone her clinic and make an appointment? How does the other t know that she saw it as termination? Sounds strange.

 

[grit]

As a client you cannot damage the relationship and you did nothing wrong because you never even spoken with her. This is all hearsay at this point. Do not beat yourself up please.talk to her first to ensure you have all the information.

 

[makingit]

Yes. She knew how long I was taking the break for, this is why we scheduled an appointment in advance for my return. We didn't discuss what would happen upon my return. We left it open. She has a private practice and I did have a set day and time each week, which is why we scheduled the appointment for my return in advance. We did discuss the reason why I was taking the break, which was for me to take some time to regroup. I was a bit exhausted from the emotional and inner work I was doing and needed some time to put my life into perspective. In regards to the other t, I was seeing her for EMDR every 2 weeks, which my primary t referred me to. So I did give them permission to talk to each other for collaborative purposes. By the way, I took a break from both of them at the same time for the same reasons, which they both were aware of. I am not sure who called who, but when I returned to see my EMDR t, this is when she mentioned to me she had spoken to my primary t, who informed her that our work was "finish" and she had left it open for me to contact her to come in for check-ins, if needed. But we never really discussed this decision together. At the return session, after I provided an update of how I used my time off, she thanked me for coming in to check in with her and left it open for me to call again if needed. This was at the end of the session and I didn't have an opportunity to even say anything at that moment, I left feeling confused and puzzled. So I sent her an email 2 days later stating that I needed to talk to her about something and to let me know when she had availability. I needed to get some clarity from her before my appointment with the other t. As it would have helped me to make a decision about the next steps in my treatment with both of them. But she did not get back to me until after my appointment with the EMDR t, which I believe she had already spoken too. So it was a surprise when the other t informed me of what she said about us finishing the work. I did discuss this with the EMDR t and she encouraged me to talk to my primary t about it. She did email me back after I saw the other t and asked if I still needed to touch base. I said yes, told her the reasons why and to let me know of her availability. But she has not responded. Which is unlike her. I am afraid to reach out again because I don't want to come across as though I am harassing her.

 

[Abstract]

Can you not just make an appointment? It can be tricky in clinics where there is a regular scheduled appointment as they will take another client in the open slot who they then cannot just dismiss. Clinics that work that way tend to have strict policies about the slots and commitment to them. Wondering if it may not be a simple thing for her to take this up again. It also sounds possible that there has been a misunderstanding here but impossible to say without seeing her. There can be lots of reasons people dont respond to an email. I dont think following up would be harassment as she seems to have been perfectly open to having a future appointment with you. Maybe give it a day or two and try again. Best if you can just phone and book. Good luck.

 

[hithere]

how long ago was it that you emailed her that, yes you needed to touch base again, and ask for another appoint? How long have you been waiting for a response?

 

[makingit]

Abstract: She is in private practice. Not a clinic. so I have her cell phone# and email. I have always used both of these methods to communicate with her and I usually get a response within the same day.

hithere: it's only been 1 week since I asked and waiting for a response. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me.

Maybe, I'll wait another week and see what happens.

 

[hithere]

I think a week is a long time. I don't see a problem with sending another request. In my business I work on appontments and some people contact me multiple times a day if they don't hear back from me in one hour! I don't see why therapists can't behave like the rest of the business world with their customers.

 

[Abstract]

I think a week is fine to try again.

 

[makingit]

Thanks, guys! I'll keep you posted.