This is why I fired my last therapist. I don't know what gives with those types--do they want to drag your therapy out for twenty years to keep their roster full? Or are they so sick of hearing about peoples' problems that they try to fill up as much time with small talk as possible as they sit there thinking, "I should have become an interior decorator?"
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Therapist Just Asked Me Not To Come Back
- Post starter Fadeaway
- Start date
- Status
The lack of care continuity within the mental health community stuns me (and is a trigger as well). Agree with @Justmehere that it is completely unacceptable. Imagine a physician diagnosing acute appendicitis then sending the patient home without a referral to a surgeon or hospital. Sadly, it's probably happened someplace to someone, but you get my point.
Health care professionals are accountable for safely handing off care to appropriately qualified providers.
Health care professionals are accountable for safely handing off care to appropriately qualified providers.
@Fadeaway : Here's my story (one I repeated ad nauseam when I first joined the forum two years ago)
I was diagnosed with PTSD in 1998. At the time the diagnosis meant nothing to me as I had no knowledge of the disorder. My response was 'Yeah, yeah, shit happens and then you get over it', as I confused PTSD with post-traumatic stress.
Then, October 2012 onwards I had a major PTSD meltdown and had every symptom in the book. At first I had no idea what was happening. I started seeing a trauma counselor, mainly because the sessions (8) were free and she was based conveniently close by. Don't be fooled by 'trauma' counselor, the woman was completely clueless. (In her defense: she is only trained to debrief people after a trauma.) When my attachment issues reared its ugly head, she thought I was in love with her. When I had a full blown panic attack in her presence, she reassured me feeling as though one was going crazy was perfectly normal when one is in love!! And the more I protested the more she looked really sad for me. And, at the end of the 8 sessions, she wished me well and was visibly relieved to be rid of me. PTSD never crossed her mind. But I remembered the previous diagnosis and started reading.
I found a psychologist. By that time I was a mess. We had one very long session, at the end of which she said she'd think about whether she could work with me, and let me know in the second session the next week. During the week I emailed her and cancelled. I started looking for another. (She never mentioned PTSD either.)
The next one was even worse. At the end of the very long session, I asked 'Now what?' She said, impatiently 'See you next week.' I went, 'Oh, same time? She said, 'Obviously'. But the day before our next session she phoned to cancel the next day's session, and said she had thought about it, and felt I needed to be hospitalized, and would give me a referral to an inpatient program. I explained that with the logistics of my life, it was completely out of the question. She ended the call, saying it was my choice. (She never mentioned PTSD either.)
By that time I was an even bigger mess. I found the fourth one. She was really, really wonderful. Although she wouldn't go anywhere near a diagnosis, she at least referred to me as a 'trauma survivor'. She reassured me that being 'passed on' by a therapist was 'deeply rejecting'. I started seeing her twice a week. My attachment issues ran riot, but the panic attacks stopped. But, due to the mess I was, my income plummeted, and she dumped me unceremoniously after 10 sessions when yet another fed up client fired me. That was the end of therapy for me. She stayed in email contact for the next two years, but the email exchanges frustrated me as each one said 'I don't have the time now to fully address ...', or, 'the issue can't be properly addressed in an email' or ..... I was still insanely and idiotically attached to her, and I had an enormous internal struggle of wanting to end the attachment and being thrown into a state of panic by the need to do so. I thought she did care - as indicated by the email contact, and her continuing references to 'when you return to therapy' (when I could afford her). This kept the attachment alive. And on and on we went - for two years, during which I simply limped along - and stayed sane ONLY due to this forum.
It was only when I read the code of conduct for mental health care professionals, and realized that she was under legal obligation to 'provide emergency services' even when the client could not afford to pay, that I realized she was simply covering her own ass.
The point I'm trying to make is that, in my experience, there are total idiots, malicious jerks, monumental assholes in the mental health care system as much as there are in the general population. Their training does not make them more human or more intelligent or more anything. So, your therapist screwed up BIG TIME, and your feelings are totally valid. And she may know that her behaviour is unacceptable or she may not. And if she refers you to someone else it may be the right therapist for you, selected with care, or it may be the first she found in the directory, and totally NOT suitable.
My advice is: Yes, what she did, especially if you have attachment issues, borders on the bloody criminal. Yes, she should know that it is experienced as 'deeply rejecting' by a client with a trauma background. Yes, she should have put effort into getting you safely in the care of another therapist. But she didn't, she isn't, she won't, she can't, she...'.
The sooner you get a decent therapist the better. You'll have to process what happened with this inadequate one. In the mean time, this forum will keep you sane as it did me.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in 1998. At the time the diagnosis meant nothing to me as I had no knowledge of the disorder. My response was 'Yeah, yeah, shit happens and then you get over it', as I confused PTSD with post-traumatic stress.
Then, October 2012 onwards I had a major PTSD meltdown and had every symptom in the book. At first I had no idea what was happening. I started seeing a trauma counselor, mainly because the sessions (8) were free and she was based conveniently close by. Don't be fooled by 'trauma' counselor, the woman was completely clueless. (In her defense: she is only trained to debrief people after a trauma.) When my attachment issues reared its ugly head, she thought I was in love with her. When I had a full blown panic attack in her presence, she reassured me feeling as though one was going crazy was perfectly normal when one is in love!! And the more I protested the more she looked really sad for me. And, at the end of the 8 sessions, she wished me well and was visibly relieved to be rid of me. PTSD never crossed her mind. But I remembered the previous diagnosis and started reading.
I found a psychologist. By that time I was a mess. We had one very long session, at the end of which she said she'd think about whether she could work with me, and let me know in the second session the next week. During the week I emailed her and cancelled. I started looking for another. (She never mentioned PTSD either.)
The next one was even worse. At the end of the very long session, I asked 'Now what?' She said, impatiently 'See you next week.' I went, 'Oh, same time? She said, 'Obviously'. But the day before our next session she phoned to cancel the next day's session, and said she had thought about it, and felt I needed to be hospitalized, and would give me a referral to an inpatient program. I explained that with the logistics of my life, it was completely out of the question. She ended the call, saying it was my choice. (She never mentioned PTSD either.)
By that time I was an even bigger mess. I found the fourth one. She was really, really wonderful. Although she wouldn't go anywhere near a diagnosis, she at least referred to me as a 'trauma survivor'. She reassured me that being 'passed on' by a therapist was 'deeply rejecting'. I started seeing her twice a week. My attachment issues ran riot, but the panic attacks stopped. But, due to the mess I was, my income plummeted, and she dumped me unceremoniously after 10 sessions when yet another fed up client fired me. That was the end of therapy for me. She stayed in email contact for the next two years, but the email exchanges frustrated me as each one said 'I don't have the time now to fully address ...', or, 'the issue can't be properly addressed in an email' or ..... I was still insanely and idiotically attached to her, and I had an enormous internal struggle of wanting to end the attachment and being thrown into a state of panic by the need to do so. I thought she did care - as indicated by the email contact, and her continuing references to 'when you return to therapy' (when I could afford her). This kept the attachment alive. And on and on we went - for two years, during which I simply limped along - and stayed sane ONLY due to this forum.
It was only when I read the code of conduct for mental health care professionals, and realized that she was under legal obligation to 'provide emergency services' even when the client could not afford to pay, that I realized she was simply covering her own ass.
The point I'm trying to make is that, in my experience, there are total idiots, malicious jerks, monumental assholes in the mental health care system as much as there are in the general population. Their training does not make them more human or more intelligent or more anything. So, your therapist screwed up BIG TIME, and your feelings are totally valid. And she may know that her behaviour is unacceptable or she may not. And if she refers you to someone else it may be the right therapist for you, selected with care, or it may be the first she found in the directory, and totally NOT suitable.
My advice is: Yes, what she did, especially if you have attachment issues, borders on the bloody criminal. Yes, she should know that it is experienced as 'deeply rejecting' by a client with a trauma background. Yes, she should have put effort into getting you safely in the care of another therapist. But she didn't, she isn't, she won't, she can't, she...'.
The sooner you get a decent therapist the better. You'll have to process what happened with this inadequate one. In the mean time, this forum will keep you sane as it did me.
I had no idea about this. Makes me look at my T in an entirely different way. My apologies, I retract my first post @Fadeaway .
rightkindofme
Diamond Member
I've had 21 therapists over 30 years. Getting dumped sucks. :(
At this point I'm really fierce as I interview new providers. You need to be able to *jump through hoops* or forget it. My current therapist is an incest specialist who helped open one of the first trauma inpatient centers in the US. There are people out there who can handle our big problems. Unfortunately finding them can be hard.
At this point I'm really fierce as I interview new providers. You need to be able to *jump through hoops* or forget it. My current therapist is an incest specialist who helped open one of the first trauma inpatient centers in the US. There are people out there who can handle our big problems. Unfortunately finding them can be hard.
StellaBlue
Gold Member
It has taken me years to understand this and to accept it and to stop blaming myself when I've become deeply "attached" to a therapist. I have recently started with a new therapist with the goal of specifically working on the trauma(s) and we have spent a lot of time circling around this issue and my fears surrounding it.
@Fadeaway, I think the most important takeaway is that your feelings of being abandoned are perfectly valid.
I may be way off base here and the last thing I want to do is make you feel worse but it occurs to me that your feelings are strong because they're valid. You DID just experience loss. It was not anything you did wrong - it was about your T and not about you, but loss is loss. It sucks and it hurts. And maybe if you allow yourself to feel the way you (quite naturally, it seems to me) do, the feelings will begin to ebb. All the rationalizing in the world doesn't help the awful feeling when someone says what amounts to "go away" - even when you know it's the right thing and what YOU were going to choose. It makes perfect sense to me that you wanted to be the one to make the decision and if this T doesn't have the experience required to help you - and it sure sounds like that's the case, then I hope s/he has the decency to not inflict on anyone else what you have just had to experience. The loss is yours but the reasons for it have nothing to do with you.
I hope that makes some sense and, as someone with major issues with abandonment, my heart goes out to you and how you must be feeling.
I hope that makes some sense and, as someone with major issues with abandonment, my heart goes out to you and how you must be feeling.
- Post starter
- #32
I can only suppose your intentions are good and that you mean to be helpful. Still, you'd do well to consider that people do not come here to be bullied and, like it or not, that's how your post comes across. It isn't that you're wrong. It is that you are powerfully unhelpful and even, perhaps, harmful. I shudder to think how I'd feel after laying my feelings on the line only to be told to knock it off, pull myself up by my bootstraps, stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it. Ask yourself - without defensiveness if you can - would your words have helped the person you were when you were in the hell you described?
I am confused by this post??
Like who it is meant to be aimed at?
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