Therapist wants authorization and contact info for friends.

[Sideways]

he already has my emergency contact info which are my two adult children.

So in that case, I’d just be reiterating that if he ever has concerns about your welfare, they’re the people who he should contact.

And to be clear, I’m not saying that they need to step in and do the job of a first responder or therapist. Where I am, if I need an ambulance, then my T will call an ambulance. But if they just have a general concern about how I’m travelling, it can be incredibly helpful (for some people) to have a friend call and say “Your T contacted me, they’re concerned about you, so here I am reaching out and checking you’re okay”. Sometimes that’s what gets you through a crisis period, without having to resort to hospitalisation. Which for me, is a good outcome.

I can absolutely understand that for others, trust issues are a bigger issue. In which case it makes perfect sense to me that you’d be far more cautious.

All my post was really intended to do was to give the flip side. I’ve had a welfare check done by the police, and for me, a phone call would have been more effective and far less stressful. It was also expensive, given I had to replace my front door!

I personally have a fair bit of faith in my T not to abuse the information, and likewise the contacts I’ve given my T would absolutely let me know if they were ever called by my T for any reason (like, “Hey Sideways, your T called me this morning...”). This isn’t the case for everyone, and rightly so - not every T necessarily deserves their client’s trust.

 

[FauxLiz]

@Sideways part of this issue is that we have had a grand total of 5 sessions so no way trust exists at this point to want to give him any additional information. I will be completely honest and tell you that right now I am not sure that trust will ever exist. I don't know if it is because he is part of a very large behavioral health organization (multiple locations in two states and their own behavioral health hospital) but I feel like I am doing assembly line therapy. If I question things he tells me that is procedure, if I evade or avoid talking about an issue he asks why I am in therapy if I am avoiding the work. I think there are two significant things that are causing issues here the first that until mid-September we are doing telehealth so it is definitely harder to read each other and build trust. The second and I don't want to upset or offend anyone but he did his trauma fellowship working for the VA. Maybe he found vets easier to work with as they were accustomed to following orders but I don't think he likes it when I don't just do as he says, answer ever question and agree that all I need is to meet with him for some specific number of treatment visits and all will be right with the world.

Honestly all I want to do is reach out to my previous therapist but I know that even if I did he wouldn't respond because he doesn't want to prevent me from building a rapport with the new therapist and no I am not mind reading he told me that in our last session. As if all of this wasn't bad enough I visited my P-doc's practice website today and on the front page is a notice that they are changing the insurance carriers that they accept and the carrier that my new employer has isn't one of the carriers they will continue accepting so on top of struggling with the new therapist I will have to find a new p-doc after our soon to be last appointment on Friday. Normally the way I feel right now I would send a quick text to old therapist and he would send me something quick to calm me down and back me away from SH or worse, I know I am babbling on but right now I just hate all of this and just want the pain to stop.

 

[scout86]

I've spent a few minutes thinking about this & I don't think I'd give him the info. At least not now. To begin with, in a situation where my welfare was in question, my T is honestly the only person I can think of (the only one alive anyway) I'd want to talk to and he's also the only one likely to make any difference. Of course, your situation is a bit different because you don't actually like or trust this guy (yet?).

The other thing that crosses my mind, with a huge outfit like that, I'm not sure I'd want to be responsible for putting people's contact info into their system. I'd sure want to make sure it was ok with my friends first. You don't really have a way of knowing how it's going to be used, once they've got it, and you have no way of knowing how secure it is either.

On the other hand, I keep hearing disturbing stories about the police shooting people in the process of doing a "welfare check"....

Sorry to hear about the upcoming insurance problem! It really sucks that insurance runs to world. (BTW, every time you talk about this guy, I want to fire him, so you should probably take my opinions with a few grains of salt.)

 

[EveHarrington]

I think the bigger issue is why there is so much stacked against this therapist but you don’t want to move on and find another one?

 

[FauxLiz]

@scout86 thank you! I had never even considered the issue of putting my friends contact info into their system and it should have crossed my mind because on friend has an adult son with schizophrenia and I am not sure she would like to be even tangentially in their system.

every time you talk about this guy, I want to fire him,

I appreciate this and actually every time we have a session I feel the same way which is why I told him that we need to move to a different format moving forward to see if this can work. I know it is hard for everyone starting a new therapist and my relationship with the previous was so strong and trusting that I worry that it affects how I see this guy but in reality I am really searching for someone else because I don't thing this is going to work no matter how hard I try.

 

[FauxLiz]

why there is so much stacked against this therapist but you don’t want to move on and find another one

@EveHarrington I guess the reason I haven't moved on already is because my previous therapist recommended him as someone he thought I could work well with and I am trying to give that a chance.

 

[Friday]

I don't want to upset or offend anyone but he did his trauma fellowship working for the VA.

Actually, the whole thing just seemed weird as hell until you said that.

Usually, it works the other way around; if someone is concerned about someone else’s well being, passing the buck TO the professionals is the way it more commonly works. Not professional worried, so calling on friends :confused:

But?

A lot of vets have a strong preference of flying under the radar / having a friend called to come babysit their ass, rather than an ambulance called to drag them somewhere with fanfare & marks in their record.

Since it sounds like you’ve made it clear because of your job you’ll like to fly under the official radar? It seems a reasonable step for him to ask for an interim way to make that happen.

Doesn’t sound like it’s possible, though...

...unless you wanted to give him your old therapists contact info? As someone to be used in an emergency, who you’d take their call, and that he can rely on to tell him if he can afford to wait, or needs to ring 911 now?

 

[FauxLiz]

@Friday I hadn't thought about using my previous therapist in that manner. I think that is the way I am going to go. New T already has his contact info and both have authorization to coordinate care however they want to interpret that and yes if previous therapist ever called or texted me I would answer that is part of the reason I had his cell phone number when we were working together as he knew I was most likely to call or text him before I did anything that was irreversible.

 

[EveHarrington]

The other problem with your post is that you left out a very important detail which would have made me not even bother replying.

That is, the detail about why you can’t have wellness checks.

I kind of wish that you would tell the whole story and not half a story as you end up getting responses that aren’t exactly good for your situation. That and I’m irritated that I wasted my time giving you advice that was bad because you didn’t tell the whole story to begin with.

 

[FauxLiz]

@EveHarrington the reason that traditional police or emergency service wellness checks are a challenge for me is because the police department, fire department and ambulance service are all employees that I manage. I work in government as an appointed official. There for the police officers, fire fighters and EMT's are my employees. So forget embarrassment how do I go back to work after a wellness check and make hiring, disciplinary, benefit and wage decisions for the employees that are sitting on the other side of the table. How do I return to work knowing that police and firefighters have no legal obligation to protect my privacy and can easily discuss with all the other employees what happened and therefore taking something that is extremely personal and difficult and making it public knowledge.

I know that it is difficult for those that work in the private sector to understand but consider it from my viewpoint. The employees don't like the negotiations that are taking place as part of collective bargaining they throw out on the table that they don't believe that I can negotiate in good faith because of mental health issues. Or they challenge a disciplinary issue based upon my mental health stability. If you were to have a wellness check unless it was at work your employer and the people that you work with would not have access to that information. In my case not only would the people that I work with and manage every single day have access to that information my Council, City Attorney, and HR personnel would all know within a matter of days.

I am sorry you feel like I am too vague like many here I do what I can to try and seek help and advice without just throwing my entire life story on the internet.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @FauxLiz - you have said what your professional life is in a few other Threads and posts and I understand how completely hysterical it could get for you if any of those emergency service personnel took a call to your home and the 'grape-vine' was set off. You cannot risk that happening and I understand why believe me. :cool:

So if other people are getting annoyed at 'not getting the whole story' stiff!! imo. I'd suggest you delete your identifying professional details in your last post. It's not necessary and it is completely up to other members if they want to post/respond or not. That's not your responsibility. Ask whatever questions you like with whatever info you want to provide. No more drama :joyful:

In respect of your new therapists request I would say "hell No!" And it can freeze over before I gave that info too. If he has your next of kin, that is plenty. If your former therapist wants to take on that role, (which I would be very surprised if he did) than that would be a good outcome.

I just feel like this new therapist is so... idk how to describe it... formal. He isn't making it any easier for you to relax and get down to the actual therapy is he? I recall he wanted something else procedural done a week or so ago and now this.

Maybe if he spent more time on your welfare and less time covering his ass he might not have to put in place all these extra procedures?

But wtf do I know?? Maybe he is used to getting all the official ducks in a row before he dives into the therapy. Maybe you should ask him if this his modus operandi. Maybe you should tell him that he needs to take the starch out of his underwear before he sits down with you bc it's not working for you.

Anyway I know there is no way I would want my friends from a long way off trying to call me. Nor next of kin either for that matter. If I was in a bad way I expect my psydoc or T to err on the side of caution. That's what they get paid to do. And I do my absolute best to not put them in a position where they have to worry. I have discussed suicide and SI and SH with them. They know I teeter every now and again. They know the signs. So it's the best they can do. Am I raving?

Start your hunt for a new therapist my friend. This one is not going to cut it. You didn't like the way he started and he hasn't improved. At best at least start looking. Maybe a miracle will happen and he will suddenly become better at communicating but things are not looking great right now and I would rather you were already looking for somebody else than left high and dry with absolutely nobody. I know your former T recommended him but does he really know what he is like in therapy or just what a fantastic golfer he is? Now I am raving. :rolleyes:

 

[FauxLiz]

@blackemerald1 thank you. I struggle with things like this the new therapist even questioned me during our last appointment why I do the job I do with my trust issues and need for privacy and honestly I have considered leaving the field but most of the time I feel that what I do makes a difference.