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Sufferer Thinking of addressing my past trauma head-on

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#61
Not following this entirely. There wasn't an earlier trauma that I relive constantly. There wasn't a later trauma either.
What you say about your childhood on these posts, tell me that you had trauma in your childhood. But I wonder if you don't want to see it that way? You said in a post, aged 7, you had a fully formed adult functioning understanding (my interpretation of what you said) of your father's mental health. I wonder if this is your autism or PTSD making you think this? Do you really think a 7 year old can understand the world from adults perceptive?

For me: I go back to my first couple of posts. I won't repeat myself.

I also wonder if your autism is making you fixate on this event in college? It sounds as though you are fixated and quite rigid in how you think about this
And yet you are utterly forgiving of your mum and dad and your childhood (and this is where I wonder if the PTSD isn't letting you truly put the anger on your mum and dad).
I find that difference interesting and wonder if you have discussed that with your therapist?
 
#62
I've been thinking a bit more.

What impact did your mistake have on others?

You say you understand why those people behaved the way they did because you made your mistake. It was the degree in which they responded to your mistake that you have issue with. You don't mention the police being involved. I don't know if that is because they weren't involved or because you didn't mention them. I'm trying to second guess what your mistake was. For it to be in press tells me your mistake was serious. And makes me think: whatever the reason for you behaving that way, maybe your mistake impacted others and could not be ignored?

For example:
When I was 11/12 years old a child of the same age sexually assaulted me.
The impact on me has been life long. It set off a chain of events , which don't need to be gone through here.
However, the *reason* that child behaved like that? If we look at his story and his experiences. I now believe he didn't have a chance. I think he was abused himself. I think he was taken in to care soon after.
So I can see the reasons for his behaviour. It was still utterly wrong.
But: impact on me: shattering. significant. Changed the course of my life?

Someone's reasons for behaviour do not at all trump impact of that behaviour.
 
#63
You say injustice makes you livid...

May be time to try reframe injustice though. So your own understanding of it, and reactions, differ.

As you can very well learn to see what transpired not as a life ruining event - completely outside your control - but instead learn to see it more realistically, as something that harmed you socially at that time - but that's it, times and people moved on since then.

Just because something is on public record doesn't mean it's endangering the present, or future.

Frankly the only things that warrant this huge concern for them out I can think of are own committed crimes, or information that can be used by someone to commit a crime against you or others...

But simply social scandals, in high school, don't rise to that level of needing present concern in my experience.
 
#64
Recover first

Then send it into the world
This!

My trauma happened with and by powerful people. Its why Epsetin's story resonates with me so much. My perps can destroy you and your life. And my story would make a "good" book and/or movie. Just like the documentaries about any cult. That said, I refused to do that in the past and even today. Why? Well, first, I don't want my trauma on blast, talked about by everyone. I am not ready for that. There are just too many very deep emotions and things that have not been dealt with. I think a book would actually hurt my healing rather then helping it. Even if I sold my story and someone else wrote it.

One day, I may think about writing a book. But I need to heal first so that I can write from a rational standpoint and there is no deep-seated emotion or thoughts or unhealed/unprocessed trauma. All of the trauma needs to be processed and properly dealt with before any book can be written that is both written well and isn't super bias and stained (if that's the right word) with super strong and super deep emotions and thoughts.
 
#65
@Dailyshifts I won't speak for long, but just wanted to respond to:

Can I ask you a question? Do you have any mental illnesses besides PTSD? You might not want to answer and that's fine, and you might wonder why this is relevant, but based on your thoughtful questions, I have a hunch you don't quite understand. That's ok, for me to expect you to fully understand would be nonsense. You don't know me at all.
I am sorry if my suggestions lead you to feeling not understood, as that is a terrible feeling and one I think we here are all very familiar with. Though personally I have not found that lack of understanding to be amongst forum members or visitors. My questions were not to pry- it's a technique for someone to use to enable a process of healing, and the answers are to be for yourself, and private if you prefer. It's to learn a technique to do privately on your own that reduces depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, helps address cognitive distortions, and most importantly gets to the subconscious core beliefs and naming of emotions- yet more than naming, re-experiencing in order to heal, and feel better. To help process trauma, when other methods have failed.

You asked:

I’m asking if the person has certain experience which can help us both assess our common level of understanding. If he doesn’t want t answer, that’s fine.
I still don't know what I said that was disrespectful. But I gather it has to do with me asking if someone else deals with other mental illnesses besides PTSD
I apologize as I am unable to read large walls of text so am sure I've missed much, and all of everyone's words deserve to be heard.

But because I feel:
My reactions were to the style you turned comments to @insignificant into personal, and on her neurotypicalness or not, and mental health.
I don't feel safe or comfortable with you in regards to sharing any more of my personal details. Only to say, yes, I am infinitely familiar with living with many mental health challenges and traumas. And I am not NT.

However, just as equally, it is my responsibility to ask my own self if and why I have been hurt by another's words, or triggered, including yours, and manage that, and also remove myself from the discussion when I don't have sufficient means. My interpretation of your words is my responsibility, you cannot 'cause' me to feel anything. But if I am not able to regulate myself, it still doesn't mean I am not responsible for it. As @Movingforward10 said:

What impact did your mistake have on others?
^ That could refer to your actions that resulted in this trauma for you, or my words that though also not intentioned were interpreted as being uncaring and not relating. i apologize and truly wish you the best.

While I still struggle at times, and while the med change brought on new challenges such as increased anxiety, I am now approaching my days with a level of strength and clarity I never had before. It's a bit like letting a tiger out of its cage, but a tiger who carries empathy and maintains a balanced viewpoint and an open mind to opposing angles.
Perhaps this discussion is an opportunity to practice that. ^
 
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#66
Hi @Dailyshifts

I've been following this thread and have been debating whether to comment or not. (I tend to be very blunt at times and I know it can cause some to be offended.)

It seems to me you made some kind of huge,shameful mistake and are not able to accept it and find a way to move forward. It sounds like instead of working on forgiving yourself for whatever you did you want a way to explain it,justify it and make excuses for it.And to make others feel pity for you by blaming your mental illnesses.

I'm assuming your mistake was huge and pretty serious and shameful. I say that because you won't share what it was at all. There's ways to share without compromising your privacy,ways to share without giving details. Most people at least share that they were a victim of rape,child abuse,a bad car wreck,etc. You haven't even done that much.

For all we know you could have sexually assaulted someone or even worse.

I'm guessing there's way more to this story beneath the surface.Either you have done something really horrible and unforgiving and are playing the victim or this is not really anything other than you making it something way bigger than what it is. Not because of PTSD but rather OCD or something.

From the little bit you have shared it could possibly be traumatic but it doesn't sound like the PTSD causing type of trauma. Not all trauma equals PTSD.

You make it seem like your situation is so unique and special and that nobody is capable of relating or understanding because it's above and beyond anything anyone else has experienced.

I'm not saying you have to share the mistake you made but I am suggesting it. Everyone here is struggling and it's not really right for you to not share what type of mistake you made. If you truly are the victim you would at least do that much instead of making it sound like its so spectacular that it's only worthy of being published and money has to be spent in order to find out.

You may not like hearing this but most times people don't get off the hook because of their illnesses and disorders. Even though your mistake was due to mental illness,whoever you hurt isn't going to say oh,I see now, it's ok.People are responsible for their actions and behavior regardless of any diagnosis. Pulling the illness card actually just makes things worse.

My dad was a serial rapist,he hurt many women while he was alive. He most likely had a serious mental illness but that doesn't excuse what he did.He was still responsible,still caused much damage to many people and their families.Realizing and accepting he was ill has helped me understand but that's about it.Im not saying you're a serial rapist of course,just saying you would be better off working on yourself and finding a way to forgive yourself for whatever you did. You can't expect whoever you hurt to forgive you or even understand why you did what you did.

It's not necessary to confront others,force them to hear your side,explain yourself,justify your actions in order to heal. Healing is about you,not anyone else.

If you want to make amends, that's a completely different thing. You apologize and then move on,whether they accept it or not is on them not you.But going to them with a story and excuses and justifications? That proves you're not even remorseful for what you've done.

Idk,I will follow this thread and not say anymore. I think I've said enough.

If this is really about you being upset for being punished for something you did( and deserved that punishment), that's called consequences,not trauma.If that's the case then you need to find a way to accept it and move on.
 

Dailyshifts

Policy Enforcement
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Thread starter #67
Actually it's more the difference between what's known as "classic Autism" which is what my son has, but he is "high functioning" on that spectrum.

This youtuber explains it better than . I couldn't link the video, but it's by The Aspie World and it's called Autism and Aspergers: 5 intriguing differences (YOU need to know)
Are there major differences between HFA and Asperger's or are they one in the same? I was told they're the same.

The differences in that video are something I've known about. Well done video.

I have a friend who has a son with classic autism, and he has a very tough time. Great kid. Few kids he knows understand him at all, and it sucks. He has some help but it's insufficient. (Good thing we spend so much $ here on military equipment. Gotta be exponentially over-prepared for external enemies. Let's keep ignoring the domestic battles rather than sensibly balancing where our tax dollars go...)

I lived in Sydney years ago, by the way, and did refugee policy research there in the wake of the Tampa affair.

I'm still in the process of diagnosis. Here in Australia, Aspergers, particularly in women, is not widely understood by those in the diagnostic community. Although, ironically we also have one of the world's leading voices on the subject Tony Attwood.

I have spoken to my gp who said "If you know, what is the point of spending all that money to be told something you already know?"

I couldn't answer him at the time and he's since moved on.

My psychiatrist told me everything that I struggle with can be attributed to trauma, but she is a trauma specialist, so that's what she knows about.
I am shortly going up to Brisbane for an inpatients admission and will persue my goals re diagnosis. I think I'll be getting a brain scan coz that's what my psychiatrist has offered me. But to get a full assessment by the clinic that Tony Attwood operates from? Will cost me up to $2000, which is not too viable for me at the moment.

I've done a lot of research, myself. Read a lot of books. Done all the online tests available. Watched heaps of different YouTube's. Read peer reviewed articles.

Learnt about the "Intense world theory" which really resonates.

Found out about how we have a compromised endocrine system, particularly in regards to producing oxytocin (incidently singing is a great way to increase your oxytocin), anyway, that resonates, as I was induced and so was deprived of my mum's natural oxytocin during birth, which is important for how one's own endocrine's ability produces that hormone.

But really it was through learning about how genetic this "disorder" (or "condition" I think, they are changing the diagnostic term to) is.

Because of my Dad and my son, I started to research how it presents in females and it fits me to a T. So I am not too far along in official diagnosis but I have no doubts, as I've really looked into it, and my patterns and difficulties are just too the same as many women who have been officially diagnosed.

According to the "Intense world theory" our brain's synaptic firing is much more rapid and chaotic than neurotypical people's, which explains how normal activities can be overwhelming for us.

I remember having a birthday party for my 10th birthday and having a complete meltdown in the middle of it, as it was just too overwhelming and overloading for my nervous system.

It's like everything is just turned up. No wonder letting go of things can be soooooo hard. Painful social situations just burn into our neurological system's soooo deeply.

So much here for me to learn about, thanks. I'll definitely hit up that forum you mentioned. Who knows, maybe they allow DMs and you and I can actually chat one on one. Sounds like we understand each other a lot.

When I brought my HFA self-diagnosis to my old psychiatrist, she responded with "That sounds about right. Why does it matter?"

I said something like "It matters a great deal for me. Knowing my conditions gives me a chance to better understand myself and figure out how to manage and adjust. It also helps me try to educate my family and closest friends."

Her response was "Ummm, ok. But your treatment doesn't change."

I've seen maybe 7 psychiatrists in my life. None of them had much empathy, and most of them were judgmental, negligent, and only focused on the hard science aspects of the mental illnesses they were trying to treat. All of them made clear mistakes in my medication plans and monitoring, too. I became very knowledgeable in the last 8 years and started driving my treatments with them, and it led to several interesting interactions.

Remember how I said my current psychiatrist recently prescribed me a med that would likely lead to worsening of one of my neuro sleep disorders and could cause Parkinsons for me based on my already having the neuro disorder, which I told him about on day one? He's considered one of the leading psychiatrists for complex cases in the US, and he's expensive as shit. Well, another doctor convinced me to drop my main med, which I'd taken for 20 years. She told me to drop it in a few weeks. I insisted on a 5-month tapering plan, and she eventually budged. Just recently I was diagnosed with a pretty serious thyroid condition, and from all the literature I read, it likely came due to withdrawal of that med. While that is hard to predict, my doctor never brought it up as a risk, and she never told me to get my thyroid levels checked after I dropped the med. She was good about having me test my thyroid while on the med, because it can cause a different thyroid disorder, but I still don't think she knows about the link between withdrawal and this other condition. I fired her a few months ago without hesitation.

I have 4-5 other stories like this, and I'm sure I'm just scratching the surface of what other people experience with doctors and health insurance companies. By the way, I know 5 agents at my national insurance carrier by name, and I have to call them at least weekly because they constantly deny my claims even though I have approvals in writing from them that they've committed to covering certain services. In one case, they tried to deny a claim because their own approval letter to me was missing the doctor's tax ID #. It was a letter they themselves wrote, and it had the doctor's name and address on it, yet they tried to deny me reimbursement of over $700 because of their own mistake with the letter. The US healthcare system is completely f*cked and most patients don't know the half of it because they don't have the IQ, drive, energy, and/or time to investigate and uncover all the problems. I don't know if ignorance is bliss here, but for me it's a complete clusterf*ck. (If swearing is an issue here, moderator, give me a shout).
 

Dailyshifts

Policy Enforcement
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Thread starter #68
What you say about your childhood on these posts, tell me that you had trauma in your childhood. But I wonder if you don't want to see it that way? You said in a post, aged 7, you had a fully formed adult functioning understanding (my interpretation of what you said) of your father's mental health. I wonder if this is your autism or PTSD making you think this? Do you really think a 7 year old can understand the world from adults perceptive?

For me: I go back to my first couple of posts. I won't repeat myself.

I also wonder if your autism is making you fixate on this event in college? It sounds as though you are fixated and quite rigid in how you think about this
And yet you are utterly forgiving of your mum and dad and your childhood (and this is where I wonder if the PTSD isn't letting you truly put the anger on your mum and dad).
I find that difference interesting and wonder if you have discussed that with your therapist?
Your interpretation of what I said is a stellar example of how I'm misunderstood. I'm glad you were honest in communicating your interpretation 'cause it gives me a chance to illustrate how difficult it is for an autistic with a high IQ to interact with most people. You somehow deduce I have a fully formed adult understanding of a severe and complex mental health disorder all based on me stating that I knew of my dad's illness when I was 7. I find your conclusion fascinating and incredibly troubling. Do you understand why I might feel this way? What's even more interesting is how often the people who do this then turn around and don't acknowledge their misjudgment. Welcome to my world. Maybe you experience it somehow, too?

I still don't have a fully formed understanding of his illness. No one in the world does. If we did, we'd probably have cures.

I am forgiving of my mom and dad for their biggest mistakes in life because they were severely ill when they made them. I am not forgiving of people in power making decisions that lead to unjust consequences for those who make mistakes, especially if those in power refuse to acknowledge they themselves were wrong in how they handled the person who transgressed. This happens all the time. Look at the US Supreme Court. We have a mighty fine new justice, don't we? Maybe you disagree on the politics. Many do in the US. I find that very troubling.

As for forgiving my parents, this doesn't mean I don't hold my dad responsible for certain things he did in his life, which led to emotional hardship and significant financial loss for his family, all because he decided to drop his meds a few times. I also understand why he dropped his meds. I'll never fully accept how he refused help from me, or how police never took strong action to get him help when I had them check in on him regularly. But state laws here make it risky for police to intervene and force hospitalization without clear indication that the person is unsafe to themselves or others, and as I'm sure you know, people with mental health issues, no matter how severe, can also be wonderful actors. A police dept that forces hospitalization can be subjected to lawsuits, loss of public rep, etc. too, and so the world continues to turn.

As for my mom, I would never blame her for her biggest choices in life. She battled terminal illness and eventually couldn't go on. Sure, she made some choices along the way that I don't like, too.

This exchange was maybe the most eye opening for me here, even if it's something I encounter every single day of my life. I'm constantly entertained and fascinated by how little common ground there is within mental health communities. There isn't one community at all. It's far too complex. Many of you will be bothered by my words and my sentiment. Oh, he's such a hypocrite, etc. But well, I'm telling my story, just like you.

I've been thinking a bit more.

What impact did your mistake have on others?

You say you understand why those people behaved the way they did because you made your mistake. It was the degree in which they responded to your mistake that you have issue with. You don't mention the police being involved. I don't know if that is because they weren't involved or because you didn't mention them. I'm trying to second guess what your mistake was. For it to be in press tells me your mistake was serious. And makes me think: whatever the reason for you behaving that way, maybe your mistake impacted others and could not be ignored?

For example:
When I was 11/12 years old a child of the same age sexually assaulted me.
The impact on me has been life long. It set off a chain of events , which don't need to be gone through here.
However, the *reason* that child behaved like that? If we look at his story and his experiences. I now believe he didn't have a chance. I think he was abused himself. I think he was taken in to care soon after.
So I can see the reasons for his behaviour. It was still utterly wrong.
But: impact on me: shattering. significant. Changed the course of my life?

Someone's reasons for behaviour do not at all trump impact of that behaviour.
I'll give you all the best comparison I can that still allows me to feel secure here. My situation isn't related to academic transgression but this example is pretty solid. Took me a bit to figure it out and I think it's about as close as I can get.

Imagine this:

There's a high school with a rampant problem that the admin know about. Many teachers are helping their students cheat on major exams. The admin are aware and when they identify these cases, they handle them internally. The teacher is put on probation or, if the case is a serial offense, fired. No public disclosure, ever. And there's a widely known problem throughout the country, and many teachers are helping their students cheat. Everyone is aware of this problem.

One day, the school's admin discover a teacher has helped a few students cheat on a big exam. That teacher is one of the most revered teachers in the school. They've never transgressed before. The admin don't identify the teacher's mistake until someone in the public eye does, and alerts the school to the problem in a public forum, so others outside the school are now aware the teacher made a mistake, but the teacher is not named.

The admin had a screening process in place to pinpoint this sort of transgression but when they evaluated those kid's tests, they missed clear evidence that there was cheating. After the admin were notified by someone from outside the school that there was cheating, they decided to threaten the teacher in an internal meeting with firing. That teacher had already announced earlier that year that they were leaving their job at the end of the year so they left the school, and they were never fired. Those admin then met with other students to see if the teacher had helped them cheat. The admin spent a lot of time trying to uncover if this was a serial problem by the teacher. They discovered that it wasn't. It was a one-time mistake, and one that was very common at the school.

Before the teacher officially left the school a week later, within a couple days of helping the students cheat the admin notified the press, a few local publications wrote about the teacher's mistake to make an example of them, and named them in all the articles. The articles went on the national press wires and more papers across a portion of the country ran stories.

The teacher left the education profession entirely because it was pretty clear she'd have a tough time getting hired as a teacher, so she pursued new work. For the next 15 years, she didn't get a lot of jobs because the employers knew she had helped students cheat. She was highly qualified for the jobs, in fact probably overqualified, but it didn't matter. Sometimes she would bring up her mistake in interviews to address it head-on, and the amazing interviews would immediately change, and the employers would be shocked that the teacher had made such a mistake, and would quickly end the interview and not hire her. In some cases, those potential employers specifically said they were concerned of the teacher's credibility.

For years, that teacher would go on dates and sometimes the other person on the date would bring it up.

That teacher was disabled since birth, and she knew then and knows today that she made that mistake under immense stress, pressure, and illness. She never made mistakes like that before. In fact, she was a perfectionist her whole life, in large part because she mapped her intellect and accomplishments to her identity. She was apologetic and took responsibility for her mistake, but wasn't showed much mercy. Her illnesses got worse as a result, and she struggles, all while those in power have no idea what they've done and have since gone on to even greater and more powerful positions in their own careers.

Teachers are still helping their students cheat all the time around the country and across the world. It happens every day. Only in a few extreme cases have the names of these teachers gone public, as in 0.0000000001% of the time, and only when the they helped thousands of kids cheat.

The former teacher whose life was derailed in many ways often wonders how the admin could have handled this and why they did it the way they did. She thinks making an example of someone is in itself a problematic and unjust way of handling problems. She knows she got no emotional support from the admin or the press. She knows making her mistake widely known does nothing to deter other teachers from helping students cheat. She thinks the admin should have asked her if she was ok when she made the mistake because it was so out of character. She thinks the admin could have reduced her pay, put her on probation, kept her name private, and let her move on with her life. But they didn't. In fact, some members of the press compared her to teachers who have orchestrated mass cheating by 1000s of students on the biggest exams in the world. One member of the press even referred to the teacher as 'not sane.'

Is that good enough for you? Do you still think I might have committed a heinous crime? The fact that many of you go to that conclusion is indicative of part of the problem. People don't trust others. Many of you assume I'm denying having committed assault or something else truly damaging to people. Well, when it comes to my story, you're wrong.
 

Dailyshifts

Policy Enforcement
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Thread starter #69
You say injustice makes you livid...

May be time to try reframe injustice though. So your own understanding of it, and reactions, differ.

As you can very well learn to see what transpired not as a life ruining event - completely outside your control - but instead learn to see it more realistically, as something that harmed you socially at that time - but that's it, times and people moved on since then.

Just because something is on public record doesn't mean it's endangering the present, or future.

Frankly the only things that warrant this huge concern for them out I can think of are own committed crimes, or information that can be used by someone to commit a crime against you or others...

But simply social scandals, in high school, don't rise to that level of needing present concern in my experience.
You are judging a situation at a time when you don't understand the details. I also notice you are now writing in a more diplomatic way. Good on you.

This!

My trauma happened with and by powerful people. Its why Epsetin's story resonates with me so much. My perps can destroy you and your life. And my story would make a "good" book and/or movie. Just like the documentaries about any cult. That said, I refused to do that in the past and even today. Why? Well, first, I don't want my trauma on blast, talked about by everyone. I am not ready for that. There are just too many very deep emotions and things that have not been dealt with. I think a book would actually hurt my healing rather then helping it. Even if I sold my story and someone else wrote it.

One day, I may think about writing a book. But I need to heal first so that I can write from a rational standpoint and there is no deep-seated emotion or thoughts or unhealed/unprocessed trauma. All of the trauma needs to be processed and properly dealt with before any book can be written that is both written well and isn't super bias and stained (if that's the right word) with super strong and super deep emotions and thoughts.
Makes complete sense, and I know how you feel about it. Part of me feels that my best move would be to publish my story as widely as possible when I'm on my deathbed. Unfortunately, that's a tough one to time, isn't it?

@Dailyshifts I won't speak for long, but just wanted to respond to:



I am sorry if my suggestions lead you to feeling not understood, as that is a terrible feeling and one I think we here are all very familiar with. Though personally I have not found that lack of understanding to be amongst forum members or visitors. My questions were not to pry- it's a technique for someone to use to enable a process of healing, and the answers are to be for yourself, and private if you prefer. It's to learn a technique to do privately on your own that reduces depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, helps address cognitive distortions, and most importantly gets to the subconscious core beliefs and naming of emotions- yet more than naming, re-experiencing in order to heal, and feel better. To help process trauma, when other methods have failed.

No worries, and thanks for replying. I understand how you'd feel the way you do about what I asked, and I regret saying something that resulted in how you feel. I'm also glad you wrote back in a constructive way that recognized my sensitivities.

[
However, just as equally, it is my responsibility to ask my own self if and why I have been hurt by another's words, or triggered, including yours, and manage that, and also remove myself from the discussion when I don't have sufficient means. My interpretation of your words is my responsibility, you cannot 'cause' me to feel anything. But if I am not able to regulate myself, it still doesn't mean I am not responsible for it.
I think about this a lot. I understand your point. I do. I also find this philosophy oversimplifies complexities in life, especially when it pertains to chronic and severe mental health issues.

What you wrote is in line with Marcus Aurelius and other stoic philosophers. He was a supremely unique individual.

I don't think someone else 'causes' me to feel something. I probably use the word 'cause' sometimes and if I catch it, I'll change it. But I also think stoicism and other individualistic philosophies like this tend to disregard the innate challenges many people have in life, and the added burden that decisions made by others can result in.

How do you approach this? Curious how you think about it.
 
#70
Many interesting conversations here.

@Dailyshifts - some suggestions:

-- Consider starting a new thread in the Other Disorders area, to continue your discussion with @mumstheword on HFA/Autism topics. There might be others who would benefit from the conversation. You can link back to this thread using the multi-quote (+quote) function to highlight passages you'd like to reference.

-- The topic of justice/perceived injustice could sustain it's own thread as well, if you're interested - probably in the General area.

-- The Medications and Substances area is good, for those topics. There's also Treatment & Therapy (good info on EMDR in there), and many other sub-forums.

Thread topics often meander, it's not a problem. I only mention it because some of these sub-topics that have come up in this thread are substantial enough to warrant threads of their own.
 
#71
Is the 'actual or threatened serious injury' only pertaining to physical?
Yes, that is the aspect that is currently (scientifically) understood to be the distinct and critical element in the neurological event that creates PTSD.
I never thought of PTSD either. It only became a topic with my doctors in the last year as I talked to them about it more. But I always wondered a bit since there's so much ambiguity between rumination, obsessiveness, and some symptoms of PTSD.
Exactly. As you know, many diagnoses overlap. Criterion A comes first as a sort of "if this, then that" in the chain of understanding whether PTSD should be considered over a different yet similar diagnosis.

You'd benefit from reading: PTSD diagnosis and criteria.
I think you missed some things here or I didn't explain myself well. My point about conditions and stigma was simply to recognize the varying consequences of disclosing different conditions. I for one wouldn't feel very comfortable disclosing partially, nor would I want to do so from an advocacy standpoint. I am with you on that. But these are all considerations for anyone to make when they're considering disclosure, and so in my previous post I'm outlining possibilities.
Thanks for clarifying, I understand better now.
 

Dailyshifts

Policy Enforcement
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Thread starter #72
Hi @Dailyshifts

I've been following this thread and have been debating whether to comment or not. (I tend to be very blunt at times and I know it can cause some to be offended.)

It seems to me you made some kind of huge,shameful mistake and are not able to accept it and find a way to move forward. It sounds like instead of working on forgiving yourself for whatever you did you want a way to explain it,justify it and make excuses for it.And to make others feel pity for you by blaming your mental illnesses.

I'm assuming your mistake was huge and pretty serious and shameful. I say that because you won't share what it was at all. There's ways to share without compromising your privacy,ways to share without giving details. Most people at least share that they were a victim of rape,child abuse,a bad car wreck,etc. You haven't even done that much.

For all we know you could have sexually assaulted someone or even worse.

I'm guessing there's way more to this story beneath the surface.Either you have done something really horrible and unforgiving and are playing the victim or this is not really anything other than you making it something way bigger than what it is. Not because of PTSD but rather OCD or something.

From the little bit you have shared it could possibly be traumatic but it doesn't sound like the PTSD causing type of trauma. Not all trauma equals PTSD.

You make it seem like your situation is so unique and special and that nobody is capable of relating or understanding because it's above and beyond anything anyone else has experienced.

I'm not saying you have to share the mistake you made but I am suggesting it. Everyone here is struggling and it's not really right for you to not share what type of mistake you made. If you truly are the victim you would at least do that much instead of making it sound like its so spectacular that it's only worthy of being published and money has to be spent in order to find out.

You may not like hearing this but most times people don't get off the hook because of their illnesses and disorders. Even though your mistake was due to mental illness,whoever you hurt isn't going to say oh,I see now, it's ok.People are responsible for their actions and behavior regardless of any diagnosis. Pulling the illness card actually just makes things worse.

My dad was a serial rapist,he hurt many women while he was alive. He most likely had a serious mental illness but that doesn't excuse what he did.He was still responsible,still caused much damage to many people and their families.Realizing and accepting he was ill has helped me understand but that's about it.Im not saying you're a serial rapist of course,just saying you would be better off working on yourself and finding a way to forgive yourself for whatever you did. You can't expect whoever you hurt to forgive you or even understand why you did what you did.

It's not necessary to confront others,force them to hear your side,explain yourself,justify your actions in order to heal. Healing is about you,not anyone else.

If you want to make amends, that's a completely different thing. You apologize and then move on,whether they accept it or not is on them not you.But going to them with a story and excuses and justifications? That proves you're not even remorseful for what you've done.

Idk,I will follow this thread and not say anymore. I think I've said enough.

If this is really about you being upset for being punished for something you did( and deserved that punishment), that's called consequences,not trauma.If that's the case then you need to find a way to accept it and move on.
If you're interested, you can check out my other reply that gives a good comparison about my trauma and a made-up one.

I have to accept that because I left information out about my trauma, you had no choice but to make assumptions. It still means, for me, that you assumed wrongly, very wrongly. Maybe assuming the worst is part of PTSD. I don't know. I do know it's something most people do, and I find it repulsive.

I could see how and why you think I think my situation is so unique that no one can understand it. I don't think that way, but I do think my story is very unique, odd, and fascinating. It's partly why I think it has legs to be a book. Beyond that, I do think my health situation is very unique and few understand it, or me. I have a lot of doctors, as I'm sure many of you do too, and while I've hired a few very esteemed ones, they still have little idea on how to treat my conditions properly.

I also now am dealing with a major fatigue disease, that is only diagnosed through exclusion. As of now I've been diagnosed with it because my doctors have to diagnose me with something to make sure I get some insurance coverage. But I've been told the jury is still out on it because we have to run more tests to rule everything else out.

The disease is called ME/CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and it's a real bitch. Heavily underfunded, heavily misunderstood, and very serious for many people. My treatment is a few grand a month and it will climb, and depending on what happens, I may have it bad, like many do. This could mean I can't work, I can't get out of bed, and that just maybe I have to live in darkness and silence because I can't stand light or touch. This disease affects many systems in the body, including physical, neuro, and cognitive. Google the trailer for Unrest if you want to learn more about it. Even today, while it's twice as common as Multiple Sclerosis (a truly horrible and also underfunded disease that a friend of mine is dying from), the federal funding for ME/CFS is miniscule. About $2500 per Aids patient is spent on Aids research; about $250 on MS; and $5 on ME/CFS.

Does this mean I'm special? Does me talking about this mean I think I have it worse than you? No. In fact, maybe some of you have ME/CFS.

When I talk about this, it means I am dealing with something, and I am not wrong to bring it up, and you shouldn't assume things. On some days, I can't get out of bed. It's been this way for 7 months. I am asthmatic too, and the shortness of breath I experience due to my fatigue disorder is extreme. I gasp for air about half the day, every day. I sleep with a CPAP for sleep apnea and for my fatigue disease, or whatever it is. And I don't feel pity. I want solutions.

I've spent so much mental and physical energy on this forum, and I'm glad I did, but my psychologist told me this morning to take a break, so I'm going to drop off for a day or two, if I can manage to ignore what all of you write. That's hard for me. I have a lot to say.
 
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