What you say about your childhood on these posts, tell me that you had trauma in your childhood. But I wonder if you don't want to see it that way? You said in a post, aged 7, you had a fully formed adult functioning understanding (my interpretation of what you said) of your father's mental health. I wonder if this is your autism or PTSD making you think this? Do you really think a 7 year old can understand the world from adults perceptive?Not following this entirely. There wasn't an earlier trauma that I relive constantly. There wasn't a later trauma either.
For me: I go back to my first couple of posts. I won't repeat myself.
I also wonder if your autism is making you fixate on this event in college? It sounds as though you are fixated and quite rigid in how you think about this
And yet you are utterly forgiving of your mum and dad and your childhood (and this is where I wonder if the PTSD isn't letting you truly put the anger on your mum and dad).
I find that difference interesting and wonder if you have discussed that with your therapist?