Thinking Therapy Makes Me Worst?

[JarHed]

If we're lucky we learn a bit of that all everyday. Somedays are better than others and our ability to do what we know is best can be well tested on others as well. Therapy is hard but it's better than feeling like shit all the time without even the slightest hope of feeling better. I wish more vets would make the decision to get involved in therapy, it would improve their lives immeasurably.

 

[Jimmy1]

Jimmy,

You said. "...there are those that are totally different, those who never get affected by battle or those that can leave the military after 20 years and not be changed". I wonder if they are just better at hiding what they feel.

My father flew B-17s and B-29s during WW II. The only time I ever got a hint of how his experiences effected him was one day when he told me about picking up boots with a part of a foot still in them so that there was something to put in the coffin after a crash landing. I'll never forget the sound of his voice or the look on his face. And just that fast the look was gone.

We Nam. vets. wrote the book on faking it. We learned from our fathers that men don't cry. We were raised on John Walyne movies and Green Bay Packer football. Society tought us that "you can either keep it to yourself or spend the night in jail". We didn't talk about it because the folks back home didn't want to hear.

Thank God for this forum. Thank God that at least we're beginning to talk among ourselves. But, society still has a long way to go. Too many are still waving the flag and ignoring the blood. That's gotta change my Brothers and Sisters. That's gotta change.

SD

SD, Colonel Charles Hoge MD wrote a book called 'Once a Warrior always a Warrior' an great read if you get the time. He worked a lot in the psychiatric field at Walter Reid Hospital helping veterans return to life with PTSD. Anyway, his 1st Sergeant who only retired around 2000 actually served in Vietnam. Anyway, he writes in his book how his memories never really surfaced until 2000 and then he was dramatically affected.

My father worked as a Policeman for 32 years and I never really recognised any PTSD until after I was diagnosed. Maybe we don't know what we were looking at. Maybe I thought he was just a harsh father.

Another great man, can't remember his name once said that anyone who has been in a battle will be permanently changed forever. Maybe they just don't know they are changed.

Just waffling here.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Thanks Jimmy,

Just ordered it for my Kindle. Can't beat the new mellennium, push a button, ya got a book.

 

[Spock]

SD, Colonel Charles Hoge MD wrote a book called 'Once a Warrior always a Warrior' an great read if you get the time...

I can confirm that first-hand as Doc Hoge is my Psych Doc. Bought several of his books which he autographed for my group therapy mates. He appears here in the new Spec Ops Command video designed to break the warrior stigma & encourage warriors to seek treatment:
<~Trigger Caution opens with combat scenes~>

Anyway, back to you Russ ~ beyond the good previous comments noting why your response may be normal you might also just consider if your therapist is working for you as a good fit, just to be sure there is no personality conflict, which is common. Before I found Doc Hoge, my first doc was pitiful. I had to tell him he was becoming a trigger for me which got his attention. He always failed to take care of shit and was worthless. I had to manage my own care during my darkest times and do basic things like find the outpatient program for him. I'm irritated just reliving it. Point is, make sure your therapist is doing what you expect, is professional and responsive to you, even pushes you to be honest with yourself and to progress. Half the people in my group are always looking for a better match for a therapist. Not all personalities are good fits, same for docs & patients.

 

[steve1]

For what it's worth, I moved my therapy appointments to Fridays. This works for me because feeling of being so drained after the session is just like the feeling of completing a long hard work week. I reward myself with a good dinner and try to plan fun shit for the coming weekend.

 

[JarHed]

Sounds like a good plan Steve. Therapy is draining, part of what it is. Having a nice dinner and weekend probably helps recharge the batteries. Hang in there, Mate.

Jar