Livinginhope
Confident
Please can I just let off some steam and release some sadness?
My sufferer and I have been navigating the early stages of a relationship for eight months. He’s a paramedic so obviously for much of this time he’s been working in a super stressful environment given the crazy pandemic. He’s also an isolator.
During the harshest part of lockdown, he said that my messages were keeping him going and that he really appreciated me. We’re tentatively discussing meeting up soon for a walk or a coffee. But he hasn’t suggested any dates and I don’t want to crowd him, given his shifts and the pressure he’s under.
Last week, he messaged that he was exhausted by the last six months and that his boss was very unsupportive. We had a longish messenger chat about it, which ended with him saying that my support was very much welcomed and my messages always really lifted him. That he needed a reality check from me as he often feels he's living a nightmare. He decided to take a few days off to give everything at work some proper thought.
I left him in peace. When I checked in with him yesterday (five days later) He messaged right back (calling me his lovely as he sometimes does ?) and asked if he could call me later as it would be great to talk. We used to talk on the phone for hours at a time but have only messaged for several months, partly because COVID has destroyed his time off and partly because of an initial isolation.
Naturally I said yes! He didn’t call. I messaged him late last night saying I was around all weekend if he still wanted to chat. He messaged right back asking if he could call today (Saturday) instead. He added that he’d really like to. Again, I said of course. So, here in the UK, it’s gone 10pm and he hasn’t called. My guess is he won’t.
I’m genuinely not cross or upset with him. I understand the stress cup. I get that by suggesting he calls (which was quite a big thing), he’s put himself under more stress. It just sucks! I so want to hear his voice. I so want to ask him about work. I just want to hear him laugh. This is so f***ing hard....
Thanks for letting me rant. No-one else understands why the hell I put myself through it. I’m not always 100% sure myself ?
My sufferer and I have been navigating the early stages of a relationship for eight months. He’s a paramedic so obviously for much of this time he’s been working in a super stressful environment given the crazy pandemic. He’s also an isolator.
During the harshest part of lockdown, he said that my messages were keeping him going and that he really appreciated me. We’re tentatively discussing meeting up soon for a walk or a coffee. But he hasn’t suggested any dates and I don’t want to crowd him, given his shifts and the pressure he’s under.
Last week, he messaged that he was exhausted by the last six months and that his boss was very unsupportive. We had a longish messenger chat about it, which ended with him saying that my support was very much welcomed and my messages always really lifted him. That he needed a reality check from me as he often feels he's living a nightmare. He decided to take a few days off to give everything at work some proper thought.
I left him in peace. When I checked in with him yesterday (five days later) He messaged right back (calling me his lovely as he sometimes does ?) and asked if he could call me later as it would be great to talk. We used to talk on the phone for hours at a time but have only messaged for several months, partly because COVID has destroyed his time off and partly because of an initial isolation.
Naturally I said yes! He didn’t call. I messaged him late last night saying I was around all weekend if he still wanted to chat. He messaged right back asking if he could call today (Saturday) instead. He added that he’d really like to. Again, I said of course. So, here in the UK, it’s gone 10pm and he hasn’t called. My guess is he won’t.
I’m genuinely not cross or upset with him. I understand the stress cup. I get that by suggesting he calls (which was quite a big thing), he’s put himself under more stress. It just sucks! I so want to hear his voice. I so want to ask him about work. I just want to hear him laugh. This is so f***ing hard....
Thanks for letting me rant. No-one else understands why the hell I put myself through it. I’m not always 100% sure myself ?