Three options, no good choice

[Abstract]

Just want to support you in how proactive you are being. Looking at options, making plans. Things are horrible at the moment but I think they could improve with some stability so try to hang in there.

 

[hithere]

What would be the hardest part of not doing therapy right now? what do you feel you need from a therapist and therapy?

Do you want to do trauma processing? If so, from my experience my "life" outside of therapy had to be "settled" and as stress free as possible as my trauma processing therapies were not the kind where I skipped out of the office all happy and "free." For me each time my entire brain and physical system would shut down, and I would have to go to sleep, and while sleeping and resting shit would work itself out. Cognitive work only helped if the therapist was willing to "get" into the thought processes with me. That's hard to do without a sense of safety in my exterior life; i.e. work stability, relationships. AND together with a sense of trust with the therapist. Interuptions and long periods between sessions doing "processing trauma" did not work for me and made me worse.

Do you want "support" therapy; i.e. having someone to share what is going on in your current life and those struggles and having a cheerleader in your corner? For me I felt like I could go longer between periods interaction with support therapy.. I can't exactly share with friends and co-workers S/I issues and phobic issues and the daily struggle to put on a happy face and get it done. So a therapist was helpful for me in that way.

For me, going through withdrawal of the t relationship, and then finding my own way has been way more helpful than getting stuffed stirred up only to have a 3 week break and then an "interruption" has to be overcome. It doesn't sound like your three options are indeed very good at all.

Can you find another outlet for the time being that would be caring for yourself, until something changes? There art classes, music classes, drum circles, knitting, dance, yoga, group meditative circles, writing workshops; the list is long of helpful activities with trauma
.

 

[FauxLiz]

Okay, so today was interesting. First I had a session with the therapist that doesn’t really work with my schedule but that I felt most comfortable. I have been tossing this around a lot and really thought I had made up my mind and I was going to terminate with him. But the session went so well, we talked about my issues with trust of others and myself and some of the things that I am trying to do (that I didn’t even realize I am doing) to isolate more, connect with others and start developing/building friendships. And at the end when he asked me the dreaded “Have you been having suicidal ideation” question he was great, I didn’t want to answer so I asked him what the consequences for not answering and he was really great about reassuring me that I was safe to talk about how I was feeling and that he doesn’t have any reason to think that I am going to harm myself. He also clearly laid out that if there were issues with my safety he wants to hear from me and what his protocol would be before he would request a welfare check.

So I left and was like okay I have some time to killl before I see the other therapist what do I want to do? I went to a restaurant about 5 min from the 2nd T to grab and early dinner but as I sat down I started to get really anxious and ended up have a couple of glasses of wine rather than food. I was hoping that it would help me relax with the 2nd T but it didn’t. The 2nd session started off poorly, I couldn’t get comfortable with the setting, I couldn’t find my worry stone to fidget with and I felt like I had nothing to do with my hands, I didn’t feel like I could get up and pace and the session felt terminally long. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to share with him I just wanted to get out of there.

So, what does that mean to me? I think I would rather deal with fewer sessions, working together to get to a point where session timing works out while feeling comfortable and safe than trying to force something. I hope I am making the right decision because yeah I struggle with trusting myself but I can’t try and force a therapy relationship again because that really didn’t work out.

 

[hithere]

It definitely sounds like you should not go back to the therapist that you don't feel comfortable with. No matter what happens with the long distance therapist, you obviously are very uncomfortable with the therapist nearby. Perhaps the long distance therapist will come up with a plan. Sounds like he isn't afraid of dealing with someone with S/I issues.

 

[Justmehere]

Good therapy less often is way better than ill-fitting therapy more often.