Theasylumsystem
Confident
I don't know what this is. I'm just... high and exhausted and no one listens or cares anymore.
I feel like I've been suicidal for so long that no one would even blink if I actually did it.
I can't talk about any of this. Not anymore. T tries to help but I feel like I'm past helping at this point. The few people that aren't sick of me talking to them can't help. I don't really feel like anyone cares at this point. I've been threatening to kill myself for so long that when I finally do it It'll probably be a relief for the ones that had to listen to me talk about it anymore. I don't know what to do with this feeling. I'm just burdening everyone around me. I'm not close to anyone anymore.
Maybe my girlfriend but I'm just burdening her so much and she doesn't even realize it. I've stopped going to class and to work. I don't talk to anyone anymore. And I know the only way I can finally commit to it and get it over with is if I just stop talking about how shit I feel. Then one day I'll just hit the breaking point but it hurts. It sucks pulling away but it's the only thing I can do anymore. I just... I make everyone's life worse. I find good people and I just ruin their lives. I make myself hate them so I can have a reason to stop talking to them.
I just want to be done. I get the smallest period of happiness just to remember what I feel like under it all. I just wish I was dead all the time. I want to be f*cking dead because every year that passes my life just gets f*cking worse. I can't even say it. No one lets me talk anymore. I can't say it to anyone who understands either. I feel like everything I have to say has to get censored and hidden away and f*cking filtered or blocked. I just... I'm so angry and tired and done. I want someone to care and understand. I just I want to be able to be done I want to rest I don't want to fight anymore I just want to be done so f*cking bad
I hate it. Being alive. I hate that every moment I'm alive I'm just collecting more and more trauma. Every passing year just seems to add more aches and pains and brokenness.
I'm sure this will be deleted. Even though I need to say it so bad. I want to be heard so f*cking bad. No one hears me anymore. I just... I want to stop the hurt.
I feel like I've been suicidal for so long that no one would even blink if I actually did it.
I can't talk about any of this. Not anymore. T tries to help but I feel like I'm past helping at this point. The few people that aren't sick of me talking to them can't help. I don't really feel like anyone cares at this point. I've been threatening to kill myself for so long that when I finally do it It'll probably be a relief for the ones that had to listen to me talk about it anymore. I don't know what to do with this feeling. I'm just burdening everyone around me. I'm not close to anyone anymore.
Maybe my girlfriend but I'm just burdening her so much and she doesn't even realize it. I've stopped going to class and to work. I don't talk to anyone anymore. And I know the only way I can finally commit to it and get it over with is if I just stop talking about how shit I feel. Then one day I'll just hit the breaking point but it hurts. It sucks pulling away but it's the only thing I can do anymore. I just... I make everyone's life worse. I find good people and I just ruin their lives. I make myself hate them so I can have a reason to stop talking to them.
I just want to be done. I get the smallest period of happiness just to remember what I feel like under it all. I just wish I was dead all the time. I want to be f*cking dead because every year that passes my life just gets f*cking worse. I can't even say it. No one lets me talk anymore. I can't say it to anyone who understands either. I feel like everything I have to say has to get censored and hidden away and f*cking filtered or blocked. I just... I'm so angry and tired and done. I want someone to care and understand. I just I want to be able to be done I want to rest I don't want to fight anymore I just want to be done so f*cking bad
I hate it. Being alive. I hate that every moment I'm alive I'm just collecting more and more trauma. Every passing year just seems to add more aches and pains and brokenness.
I'm sure this will be deleted. Even though I need to say it so bad. I want to be heard so f*cking bad. No one hears me anymore. I just... I want to stop the hurt.