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Tired Of People Just Telling Me How To Get Over It

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Hey.

Yes it's true most people don't understand it but it doesn't make them stupid
it's makes them uneducated in the subject.
I work in the health field and I have patients everyday with phyc issues but
instead of feeding them a line of garbage I simply say I understand.
We have to make everyone around us understand it's our job to educate them
so they in turn can help us and others.

Take care.

FIRE.
 
I don't think people, for the most part are stupid either. Although some words can surely be perceived as such. I know they can't understand if they haven't walked in my/our shoes. I think it's just that when I finally feel safe enough to peer past the wall and allow a small part of myself be vulnerable only to be told to "get over it," always leaves me feeling like such a freak. The thing is that I know I'll neve truely get over it. Sometimes I merely wish for a compassionate ear.
I can say that I appreciate the words I read here because people do understand and it's a relief to know I can post here and know that each reader understands from some perspective of ptsd. In that regard, I know when I come here I'm not a freak.
 
I get these statements all the time, even from my own mother (mind you I'm about to turn 50). Having had an accident at under 5mph, that I never knew happened and it being so traumatic takes away any such control I have. I ran over an 8 year old girl doing nothing wrong and not even knowing about it. I can't control what I don't know about and if it happened once?

I get the whole "you have to get passed it" (it's been almost 15 years now) but yet no one knows how. I can drive around the block, hit a pot hole, look around and not see anything. Yet I still go home and get sick, jump every time the phone rings and dwell on "what if".

But the worst part of all is people see this as a lack of intelligence or the antithesis, "he's too smart to have a mental disorder". I long to be normal again, that's how it all leaves me feeling...but I dont even know what normal is anymore.
 
Totally agree - this is so maddening! I heard, "yes, but that's when you just have to think it's not real now." I was trying to tell my story for the first time and it made me even more reluctant to talk. But please remember, this is real, this is terrible for people who go through it, and it really seems like here you are not alone and that people really do get it. Thank heavens for this place. Spring
 
Jilly,

Thanks for starting this thread.

I just joined today and this is the reason I joined. After being triggered, completely tense and alert and sad, etc all week, my husband told me I need to just 'rewire my brain'. It sucked not being understood. It sucked to know people think I have a choice in this.

It was great to read what you and others posted on this topic. That is part of the pain for me..that people think I can control this...it makes me feel pathetic.

Hugs

Love,Evergreen
 
I feel sad when people think I can control whether I am going to be triggered or not. I choose not to tell people I have ptsd anymore. Other than one friend the only person who knows is my therapist- And even she at times struggles when I get triggered as she misinterprets it as behavioural or deliberate or thinks I should have enough tools by nowetc.... So I have to take a step back and acknowledge that she does not have ptsd... She can't truly understand. I face my fears daily and have done so much work learning strategies to cope when I am triggered that I feel I need to give myself a pat on the back even if others don't. Whilst I cannot control if I am triggered I do have choice in how I' m going to deal with the trigger (most times. Sometimes I don't recognize I am triggered). These are just my thoughts. Thanks for the thread.:think:
 
I'm sorry people are so inconsiderate! I went to a memorial mass for my Dad and Sister at the same church where they were leaving the drive and got hit by a drunk driver. As I sat at that church I started to get a panic attack and left the mass(I have never left a mass , ever!) Afterward I thought I was doing good being able to go to the reception. The Deacon actually told me that others had had tragedy's too and I should get over it! I have never felt such rage in my life. I couldn't even respond to him and I still feel rage thinking about it. Do they really think that we LIKE feeling that way? What I wouldn't give to "get over" this! I hate feeling the way I do! I WANT the old me back!
 
"just face your fears"

Well it is a remark made by someone who really has no idea what they are talking about. I feel sorry for that person . They are probably afraid to touch it because they sense it is a big issue and they want you to side step it so they can side step it----so just get over it is what they suggest.

PTSD is not a situation a person chooses to have. It is an illness that has taken over and in fact there seem to be many forms of PTSD ..or rather it takes many forms but it eats away at well being and self confidence and life passes by as it stops you in its tracks.

I believe that love can be the only way toward healing and this is I suppose compassion for even the people who say these dumb things. It is so easy to become upset, but if we can slow down and step back even a little bit it helps us suffer these remarks and take it in stride, afterall we can only change ourselves right?

Malibran
 
Being Misunderstood is Frustrating...

When the people around you do not understand what you are feeling or why you feel that way, it can be extremely frustrating and it results in an unwanted capitulated feeling of isolation. It is important to understand that people that assume you can just get over something traumatic, clearly do not have enough knowledge to understand the deeply rooted ramifications of this condition (PTSD). Therefore, even though their intentions may come from a good place, they are reacting from a point of indirect ignorance. What makes this particularly difficult is that people whom do not understand this condition, often do not even want to learn about it to help the person they know is suffering. I feel this is because trauma itself is often quite disturbing and unbelievable, incomprehensible to the bystanders of trauma sufferers.

The most empowering way to deal with this condition is to read a lot of literature about the specific incident that has caused the trauma, as well as the resulting condition PTSD. This process is conducive to constant affirmation of your feelings and discomforts. Every time you read a document which is related to what you are suffering you will be helping yourself to see that you are only having a very natural reaction to trauma. This will help you understand that you are very normal to have a reaction to trauma. Trauma simply sucks. This will also give you a guideline for what to expect in the further development of your emotions and memories down the line, so you will be more able to cope with them because you know what may be coming. It is actually the people in the surrounding environment that are in denial about what has happened and its likely aftereffects on the victim. You experienced it so you have actual knowledge about it. Remember this, they are simply uneducated on this experience so their responses are innocently inappropriate.

It is also extremely helpful to find a local group specific to the type of trauma you have suffered and begin attending that as regularly as possible. The first day is always a little nervewrecking but a wonderful thing happens as everyone begins to share parts of their stories and emotions. This process is also very affirming and a group specifically designed for the trauma is regulated by a counselor, safe, and supportive. Furthermore, this will affirm any reading you have been able to do on these topics, in addition to affirming your feelings, because you feel empowered by deciding to do some research on your own.

It is just good to keep in mind that recovery comes slowly, should not be rushed, and is a choice we make to take steps in that direction. Once the people around you see that what you are trying to do is making you feel a little better every week, they will come around and start supporting you instead of making it harder. Sometimes people even become curious about it and because you will be able to answer questions like a pro by this time, they will come to understand their own misunderstandings, most of the time.

If money is an issue for the group and you are a female, try the local women's shelters and libraries. They are often free and can always put you in the right direction in any case.

Good Luck. I know how hard this is and I got really tired of people telling me how to deal with it, so I read a lot and shot back information as ammunition to anyone who made me feel worse and sometimes I spouted wrtiter's names and statistics! Sometimes I would carry a book around and pull it out to show people certain excerpts to prove my points. Eventually, my family began to tell me I was right...because they ran across information on their own, randomly, and they would apologize. But this process has taken months. Expect it to.
 
Wow... your words are like an exact quote of my thoughts! It's great to hear I'm not alone with my thoughts.
 
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