To Keep Or Not To Keep: Triggering Childhood Object

[Ellabella44]

I think anyone who loved you would understand wanting to get rid of it for your reasons. That your grandmother would be OK with it if it caused you painful memories.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Chava - sorry for confusion.

The other little girls - I don't want to keep it around to honor them; I want to throw it out, but in a way that honors ALL of our stories. I guess I feel added pressure to make the disposal meaningful, especially since one of the girls isn't alive anymore and never had the chance to tell her story. I feel like I carry the burden of remembering for both of us, and I want to respect her as well in whatever I do with it.

I don't know if that makes any sense at all. I know her memory isn't my responsibility, but I do feel responsible for it.

And then, wrapped up in all of this, is the enormous grief I feel for that other little girl. She and I were best friends. She was the only one who could have, would have, corroborated my story, but she was killed more than half a lifetime ago. She never had the chance to tell her truth.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Okay. Wrapped it in plastic and put it into an opaque box. Buried the box in the closet. Not sure what I'll do with it, but at least I won't have to look at it in the meantime.

 

[laurainalameda]

Can you cut off the part that says love grandma and throw away the rest? Just a thought. Laura

 

[xraydave]

I've been moving house these last few days. I'm incredibly grateful to have my own place, f...

I feel the same. I have this thing with tiles i think. i think just bright white light and other purely white shining things really act as triggers, even my computer screen, i think is triggering me out. it's related to my trauma experience, and it sucks, because it's so difficult to avoid stuff like that.

it's like i can feel it all again. :/