Childhood Today I said those words - Talking about CSA

[Wendell_R]

Now I am thinking did I do the right thing yesterday ?

Just like your therapist, my therapist says that the stuff I deal with comes up when I'm ready to deal with it. I don't think it's a question of right or wrong, but are you ready? And it sounds like you are.

I did feel really safe with him but at the same time I felt vulnerable

As long as you feel safe, you will be fine. What does "vulnerable" mean for you? That your feelings are raw, or you are afraid of them and afraid of being hurt? For me, when my therapy is covering difficult ground, vulnerable means experiencing a lot of emotional distress and strong unfamiliar feelings, and uncovering a lot of past pain. But I still feel safe in the hands of my therapist and know that I will get through it.

 

[Emotional girl]

Thank you very much @Wendell_R for your reply.
I guess it is me being my usual self and comparing myself to others.I have seen other people who have had therapy for years and haven't told their therapist what happened and there is me who has had this therapist for a few weeks and wham I have told him.
The abuse has been constantly in my head for the last 10 months and it has been destroying me ,I had to get the words out and try to relieve some of the pressure.
My old therapist taught me a lot about being vulnerable and how it is a important it is but there is a part of me that thinks I lost control yesterday and I don't like it.

 

[Wendell_R]

I guess it is me being my usual self and comparing myself to others.I have seen other people who have had therapy for years and haven't told their therapist what happened and there is me who has had this therapist for a few weeks and wham I have told him.

I talked about comparing myself to others with my therapist recently. I felt guilty and self-indulgent for continuing with some of my therapy because I've made such progress. But she pointed out that I still have a long way to go, and there are parts of me that still need a lot of work (and help), even though there are other parts that are doing much better. I, who have had therapy for over a decade before "breaking through", celebrate that you found a quicker path!

there is a part of me that thinks I lost control yesterday and I don't like it.

As you are free from the past, losing control will not be so frightening, and losing control will seem more and more like freedom.

 

[Lucycat]

It is incredibly hard to share with anyone that you are a victim of child sexual abuse. However I also found it very'cleansing'. I am not sure if that is the right word, but it certainly felt as if a weight had lifted. The history remains the same, but it is no longer my dirty secret. When I found this forum, and discovered others were in the same situation, it was great.

I had always felt so alone and different. Suddenly you can start moving forwards again.

 

[Emotional girl]

Thank you @Lucycat for your reply.At the time I found it quite cathartic but since then I have struggled with my feelings and emotions.
I guess it is a journey where you learn that you can't change the past and how you deal with how it affects you now.

 

[Wendell_R]

Yes, I think of therapy as a series of doors opening. There's a sense of exhilaration on opening a new door, and a relief at not being trapped. But then there's the work of going through the door and learning how to live in the next place. It's hard work, and lots of emotions.

 

[Emotional girl]

@Wendell_R You have just explained it perfectly,thank you .

 

[oakleaves]

I have just come across this thread and I also think you are incredibly brave.
It sounds as though you trust your T and as though you have made progress by naming what happened to you.
I did a similar thing before Christmas and I relate to all the feelings you had and describe. It is a very very difficult experience but you have done so well.

 

[Emotional girl]

Thank you very much @oakleaves for your reply and very kind words.
You should be very proud of yourself as it is such a difficult subject to talk about.
Since I told my therapist about what happened we have had a couple of sessions and we have not mentioned the abuse as I think he wants me to settle back down again.