Trapped By A Fantasy

[Bill Dickerson]

I feel trapped by the PTSD. I get disability and I live with my Mom who is 82. I take care of her the best I can.

I suppose it's very self centered but when my Mom is gone I'm not sure I will have a place to live. I handle her financials and I'm the exec of her will. I figure by the time I split everything up with my two sisters I'll have to sell the house to finish the division.

I feel like a real B**tard thinking about it much less discussing it but it scares the crap out of me. I've been looking for a place out in the country hoping my mom and myself could get something together. At least I would have someplace to stay.

One minute my Mom thinks it's a great idea and the next she doesn't. She doesn't understand the PTSD thing either so I don't even bring it up anymore. I keep finding nice places and showing them to her but after a few days it feels like a complete fantasy and my hopes are dashed and I feel trapped, empty, with that sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

I hate not being able to provide for myself. It robs me of my pride, my manhood, and feels me with dread and hopelessness.

I remember the first time I couldn't afford my meds. I walked out of the store trying not to cry in front of anybody. I sat for a long time in my truck wondering how long I could "not" commit suicide without my meds. It was not a fun place. It felt like being at the top of that roller coaster hill knowing that big drop was coming.

Feels kind of like that now.

Afraid it will get bad again. Seems in the middle of the breakdown I was so sick I didn't know how bad it was but looking back is very scary.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

My friend take a deep breath and keep remembering to breathe. Security is a basic need, and your feelings are legit- I have been homeless and in that spot of needing meds before too. I know things vary state to state.. but I'm sure there is a network, that won't let you fall. Thankfully, you have some time.

In the event she passes, God forbid- but its life.. and you have to divide between your family check into possibility of things like a townhome, condominiums. Occasionally here I have heard you can get one for below 50 grand.. the maintenance is all included.

Also in my state they have many places for people collecting Social Security at discount rates and according to income. We have no welfare left- won't even accept a waiting list.. but there is still plenty of housing available for those who are on disability.

Worst case scenario- (here).. in the event of falling into the illness and homelessness, I have found when hospitalized it invokes assistance from the community via a social worker to see all your needs -including this basic of shelter is met

The insecurity you are feeling would catch up to anyone. Just try to keep a calm head and sending prayers friend.

 

[Echo]

@Bill Dickerson - may I suggest you try and get some legal advice? I don't think you are in the UK, but here we can consult a lawyer or solicitor for half an hour for free. We also have Citizens' Advice which is a free service with retired lawyers and other professionals offering whatever help people need. They are very good.

There may be a way of structuring the will so that you can ensure you keep a home. There are all sorts of trust options that can generate income. It can also be so arranged that one sibling stays in the house and other siblings receive money from elsewhere in the estate, maybe topped up, if necessary from rental income (if you go on to share the house).

Anyway, this will all vary from country to country, maybe even state to state in the US, if that is where you are. A professional of this kind could arrange a meeting to talk through the options with you and your siblings.

PTSD or not, you need a place to stay and it is perfectly ok to start to plan for this at this stage. In fact, it is probably very sensible, while your mother still has the capacity to agree and make it easy for everyone. Don't feel guilty. I know a friend of mine, for instance, who had been the primary carer for her parents, was given compensation for this in the final carve-up of her parents' estate. Her sibling was perfectly fine with this. I hope it goes well. You just need some advice.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I would go crazy in a condo. I'm only 52 and I maintain my sanity by getting out and working in my shop or in the yard.

I would have to buy a tent and move into the mountains if it came to that.

Echo I'm in the US and I've consulted with an attorney. There are ways to legally change a deed so I can co-own the house we are in but my Mom says it wouldn't be fair to the others. My Mom doesn't understand the PTSD thing and I believe she thinks one day I'll be magically OK.

A trust won't work there just isn't enough there to sustain that.

My sisters both have families and a support system from that. Having to live with any of them would not end well. (Newspaper Headline: He killed everybody in the house. When asked why "they were home".)

I've seen them when one of my aunts died. It looked like a hoard of locusts descending stripping everything bare. I was totally sickened by it.

When my Mom passes I'll have to hide all the keys or change the locks...

I feel like that Sisyphus fella pushing that damn ball but mine has a timed bomb and I never know when it will blow up in my face.

 

[Nonexistent]

I understand you. I'm in a position now where I live in my parents' old house, alone with an old grandmother, have no job, can't work and going out in my yard and working there keeps me from suffocating in my own insanity. I would strongly recommend you reading some of the Alice Miller's books. Give them a chance, read at least a half of book before you decide to dump it. They've been a psychological ice-breaker for me.

I wish you strength. Don't blame yourself and don't think about how you look to others, you know better what's best for you.