Trauma Anniversaries Discussion

[Fragile]

I didn't mean silly in that context, so whatever.

 

[Jade-]

Sorry, I misunderstood.

 

[Tess_Durbeyfield]

Traumaversaries - Gah! I have so many. Here's a few off the top of my head:

August 10, 1974
The whole month of September, 1990
October 19, 1999
July 1, 2003
Labor Day 2007
Christmas Eve 2007
October 18, 2009
December 19, 2009
July 15, 2010
September 15, 2010

I try really, really, really hard to ignore them. Sometimes I forget until days later and then realize after the fact why I was so mental for that week or something.

I'm a bit believer in that whole "happiness is a choice" thing, really I am. But there are some things I just don't seem to have control over. The lizard brain remembers even what the homo sapiens mind doesn't want to.

Ritual. I'm going to try and "take back" those dates with ritual. Happy, healing ritual, type of which to be determined. We'll see how that works...

 

[Nishkaa]

I'm keeping aware of a couple of anniversaries-- it may not be the sole source of my symptoms, but I think weather changes start to remind me. I think the biggest life-altering trauma was my dad's suicide in my childhood-- it was intense for a month leading up to it, and there was a total shift including everything around me because it affected the whole family, traumatized, no interventions. That date just passed. I know I also lost a significant other a few years back, who had been living with me, and that date comes up early October. So, when the leaves start to change. . . I just keep aware of it. But I also notice years when I was happy to notice "I got through it, no surprise flashbacks connected to it". There's some music that I associate with the last loss-- a few years back that song played, while checking out the fall leaves on a fall drive. But in keeping aware of it, the flashback wasn't so intense, and I recovered a lot better because I was aware of it. Theres a song called "Free Bird" and it was also played at his funeral, and for some reason J.J. Cale (which my roommate likes to play) was also causing me anxiety related to grief, however, I've been learning to de-sensitive to it as well, and I also still can enjoy the music, a bit. . .

I think what happens are that there are some triggers to do with time of year, weather, but when there are more triggers going on, as that happens to happen, it can be hard to map, keep track of.

It doesn't have to be torturous for me either. I can practice mindfulness and enjoy the leaves just as they are, maybe a nod back to the trigger, but allowing myself to stay present and feel safe (although when discussing this, I sense a bit of discomfort. . . it's all survivable though and I know that).

 

[safenow]

If I may, I'd like to say that when you can free yourself from the trauma on that date, it is very healing. Last year is the first time since 1965 that I was able to not cry on Thanksgiving. My two small babies were kidnapped on Thanksgiving night in 1965. The thing that changed for me, I got pictures of them growing up from my father's estate. I never knew that he had known where they were until 1989. But because I had no idea what they looked like, in my mind I still saw my babies out there in the cruel world without me to protect them. And because my father was a pedophile, it didn't relieve my mind. So I stayed stuck.

Last year, those pictures were put on my computer as a screen saver. Now, I have seen them growing up, and that has allowed me to release them. In most of the pictures, they were smiling, so I can see they had happiness growing up. That released the sadness in my heart and allowed me to heal. As adults, they no longer need me.

My only thing now is a specific time of morning. 5:55am. When I'm up doing things, if I happen to glance at a clock and it's that time, I freak out. It takes me a while to calm down. That particular trigger brings out my fear. Not a good thing for me as I start to go back in time and feel what was going on. But once I am able to ground, I'm fine again. This is why I don't have clocks with faces on them in my bedroom. They are all voice clocks. But in the kitchen on the stove is a clock, and on the computer is a clock. I put a small sticky over the clock on the computer, which helps.

Anthony, Nicolette, thank you for that other thread on anniversaries. I so agree with you.

 

[Finding Shawna]

One of mine......January of 99 I had an abortion, not my choice. My boyfriend at the time said if I loved him and wanted to stay with him I had to. He drove me home afterward and left me there crying. I was raised in a strict Catholic home....I kept this a secret for 3 years. I broke when I found out he got some other girl pregnant from a one night stand and he let her keep it. I remember him because my son was born 2 months prematurely on that A$$holes birthday which is St. Patty's day.

 

[winterose]

I had too much trauma to keep count of. Christmas and my birthday and the day I went missing are the three big one's. Last year was the first time in while I actually wanted to claim Christmas back. My birthday and September 16th, I'm working on.

 

[pumpkinpie]

Safenow: I read your paragraph above about your children being taken and your father knowing all along where they were, and I can't help but think that it's fortunate for him that he was dead when you found out. Reading this made me furious. I went through some painful times, but the thing that destroyed me had to do with my children. It's a pain no mother should ever have to feel, and I'm so sorry your father was such a huge a**hole, or worse.