Trauma Diary: How Did You Decide?

[Lola Nocheprieta]

It's a personal decision. I have been surrounded by people that seem to prey on any weakness, so l walk...

Wishing you freedom, soon, @aut555.

 

[aut555]

Wishing you freedom, soon, @aut555.

Thank you, it's a path l need to take to learn something. Lol

 

[EmmaOwl]

From the "grown up" view. I have been amazed how different the handwritings are. I can see that some are an adult writing

Katz, I am curious... how old were you when you started remembering? And did the different handwriting go with different ages, or did it represent different states of mind during roughly the same time period? If those questions are too specific for you to answer, I understand, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I am just mulling things over.

When I first started remembering. I was always writing down any notes or thoughts and dreams that I had.

Here's the thing, I was 11 when I first started remembering stuff that happened when I was about ages 2 to 4 or 5. As far as I can recall, this happened to be in the middle of the recovered memory news/ hoopla - doctors & therapists were being accused of planting false memories of abuse. And those were the beginning of my writings. I wrote these pages in a very detached way - and always including notations; any such dreams or flashbacks I chose to write down, I would also write down these words: "I just dreamt this up. I would never write this down if I thought it was real."

Looking back I realize I put it in those terms to make myself feel safe. "Of course I am making this up," is what I wrote in my notebooks..... which guaranteed the safety of the person, who I loved very much and I never wanted to hurt him in even the smallest way.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Looking back I realize I put it in those terms to make myself feel safe. "Of course I am making this up," is what I wrote in my notebooks..... which guaranteed the safety of the person, who I loved very much and I never wanted to hurt him in even the smallest way.

It's almost like legalese... you don't actually take responsibility for anything, because you could incur guilt... it's a way to keep distance.