Trauma Therapy Vs. Current Crisis

[samson]

Hi everyone. I've been working with emdr for past multiple traumas for about 7 months now. Last week my mom was admitted to the hospital (she has been in a nursing home for 2 years). The prognosis is not good - she has an infection in her blood and blood clots in her legs and lungs. Last week when I went for therapy I was completely overwhelmed with this and on top of it had a nasty cold and was exhausted.

My T suggested we not work on trauma, but instead listened and sat with me while I cried about my mom. Some of the trauma from my childhood involves my mom. That makes this all much more emotional for me. He strongly suggested that I get some sleep and recover. I was frustrated because I always want to make progress on the trauma. He is going on vacation and I mentioned this to him through my bawling and he assured me I could call him if I needed to.

Has anyone else had to put aside trauma processing to deal with a current crisis? If so - how long did it take to get back on track?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sad that your mom is so sick. I really feel for you. It makes sense to stop therapy so you can deal with your mom. My heart really goes out to you. You have a serious crises to deal with. I think working on trauma besides caring for your mom would be too much for you.

I had a similar situation happen to me but with a twist.

I had just left my husband. I did not have a job and my car was on the verge of breaking down. I was in therapy and needed help dealing with my life crises. My therapist wanted me to work on the incest. So I quit therapy to deal with my life and I never went back to her.

I am currently seeing a therapist and doing emdr. It is helping me so much.

You have your hands and your heart full. You will be very busy dealing with your mom. I think your therapist is wise. You really need to focus on your mom for now. You will get back to the trauma. I think you would be overwhelmned if you were dealing with your mom and the trauma at the same time.

I did go back to my husband. I had a happy ending with him. So it worked out for me.

If you need someone to listen to you feel free to pm me. I am so sorry you are going through this with your mom. I wish you the best. Let us know how you are doing ok?

 

[Tinyflame]

I am sorry samson, and agree with gizmo above. I think trauma(s) and grief are intertwined, and the current reality has enough of both to be all anyone could handle to just get through it. Just if you can take care of yourself right now and call your T if you need to. (((((Big big hugs)))))).

 

[mamachick]

I agree with others. I think your therapist is wise. Processing what is currently happening will help you to maintain how far you have come with the trauma therapy.

Analogy
You are remodeling and decorating your home, painting and new floors. While away, a pipe bursts. Do you keep painting and going forward, or stop and fix your pipes.

Backing off temporarily will not cause you to not be productive. Be proud to be dealing as you have. It will happen. (((hugs)))

 

[intothelight]

Hi Samson,

I think your T was wise to have you focus on the current trauma as this is such a major part of your life right now. Not that current event's aren't intertwined with the past, but it is the present that is a struggle. It is best to deal with the present issues and then when things are calm, continue with your trauma therapy.

I have had to take a break in therapy to deal with the current issues in my life. It isn't that I won't go back and continue working, but I need to live the best that I can in the present and sometimes the present issues require immediate addressing.

Hope you feel better soon.

Debbie

 

[maddog]

I think that we have all, at some time, battled to find the balance between current crises and working through past trauma. Sadly, as much as we may wish it did, life doesn't stop and wait while we work on trauma. As others have said, current crises almost always have to take precedence, because if we are being overwhelmed by such issues then we aren't going to be in a place to be able to work on trauma anyway. And as you have already identified, many of these current crises have relevant links to the past anyway, and so can open unexpected opportunities for dealing with past issues that are so intertwined.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you right now, but very glad that you have the support of your T. Don't be afraid to call on that, and to call on all the support you can access during this difficult time. Trauma therapy in its more structured form will be there for you when you are emotionally able to return to it.

Maddog

 

[NarcSis]

I am echoing exactly what everyone else has said, not dealing with current crises adds to the complexity of trauma processing.

I've lost close relatives rather tragically over the past 4 years since my trauma, the immediate shock and grief had to begin to heal before I could push on with trauma therapy. Don't put a time limit on it, don't place any expectations around it just trust that you will know when you're ready to resume trauma therapy. Don't try to be stubborn or impatient, that's anxiety induced behaviour.

Be loving, kind and gentle on yourself right now, reach out when you need to and most importantly Self Soothe.

((((Big Hugs))))

 

[samson]

Thanks to everyone for the advise and support. They released my mom from the hospital yesterday so she is back at the nursing home. I'm not certain what the prognosis is as my brother is POA and he has been on vacation through all of this (poor guy). I visited her last night and she seemed remarkably well. When I saw her on Wednesday she was basically non-responsive and too sleepy to talk to me. Last night she was sitting up in her chair and very "alert". I'm not sure what that means. I know sometimes they bounce back like that before they die.

I won't have to worry about therapy for another week as my T is on vacation anyway. I guess I will just have to wait and see how my mom does.

You guys are great!

 

[samson]

Update on crisis.

My mom is still struggling to live. She doesn't feel well at all but they are putting her through the physical therapy paces. The doctors don't expect her to live much longer than 6 months to a year.

Saw my T today and talked to him about how I was able to actually feel this crisis. I cried alot - even at work. A year ago I would have gotten really cranky, sarcastic and then felt guilty for any emotions I might have expressed in front of anyone. I felt like this was a pretty big deal. He was so happy. It was almost funny. He said that it does show a shift in my thinking and emotions. Especially the part about not feeling guilty about any of it. I used to use the guilt to hide inside myself and stuff it all down. So, I got a gold star for that. :)

We also did emdr back on the traumas today. I struggle with feeling alone as the number one emotion most days. Always felt very alone after the abuse had happened with my boyfriend. One of the images that came up was the way my dad looked after he died in the nursing home. I was very close to my dad and we had a very special relationship. My T had me stay with the image and I cried so much today. Then he asked me to think of all of the good things about our relationship and we did some emdr with those images.

I asked him why we were talking about this today since it seems the memories farthest away from my traumas. He said that's why we were talking about them. He wants me to remember that my dad loved me very much - he understood me - knew me better than anyone and this was real. My relationship with my abuser was a mistake. I'm probably not saying all of this right, but for me, this was the best session of therapy I've had in 7 months.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi Samson, I am very happy for you. You were loved by your dad. What awesome memories you must have with him. Congratulations on the shift in your therapy process. This is really great news. You have your hands and heart full of your mom but this is really a bonus about your dad. Thanks for the update.

 

[Red Feather]

My dad isn't doing well either and I think I am feeling so much for him, it is really hard for me to stay stable. I understand what your T said. I am glad you had such a good session.

 

[samson]

Gizmo, thanks for your encouragement.

Nadia, I'm really sorry about your dad. It's hard to lose your parents. At any age. It's a strange thing. When my mom goes it's like I'm out there all alone. I've been taking care of myself for 25 years now, but the loss feels overwhelming sometimes. Hang in there and be nice to yourself.