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Triggered and taking a personal day?

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I feel stupid, so stupid. This school shooting, in a city that it doesn't happen... No one I know was hurt. The whole city is doing things. Candles, tributes, blood donations.
I feel like a ghost and this is so disrespectful and such a bad timing.

So I wrote my (WFH client) I may take a personal day and work full-time tomorrow and the weekend instead.
I need this paycheck, I was in some foggy unproductive state since February and I was finally getting it together.
I was supposed to do all this work by the end of this week. I was finally getting up, trying to socialize, trying to work and clean.
Now I feel like a ghost. I feel like a ghost and I send and email saying I may take a personal day.

It's stupid, I feel stupid and guilty and bad- but all those feelings are somewhere behind the fog.
Mostly everything just feels foggy and stupid and irrelevant. I don't feel present, I don't feel like me.
There are things to shop in the mall, but I don't feel like being in a place with many people, groceries and dropping money to my landlord is about all I can handle. Usually I drink coffee and chat with my landlord but now it feels like my brain is too broken for normal conversation.

What do I do? Why... what do I do really? Do I try and have personal day (what does one do on them?). I don't wanna see people. The store and my landlord feels like it will max me out.
I feel like I have forgotten how to talk. Do I try to work or clean in bits? Do I just rest? How does one....what do I do, what do I do, what is happening?
Was I wrong to ask for a day? Despite my client knowing should I get ahead of my work and still work today?
What do I do, what does one do, why can't I feel anything? It didn't happen to me, why does it feel like this, why do none of my usual binge watch series keep my attention and I can't even think.... how do I work, how do I focus, at home, alone, but how? I was barely me again, and now it's all fog and I was stupid and took personal day, not that I know what one does on it...
 
i file those personal days under, "self-care" and/or "company asset maintenance." expecting optimal performance from a neglected and/or over-worked machine is unreasonable and even abusive. self-care is not selfish. my clients deserve the best and i cannot offer my best while i am psychopating out of control.

nor do i plan my personal days. over-planning is typically how i set myself up for the breakdowns. an unplanned day provides corrective balance.
 
When I take a personal day, it's either because I NEED it for my mental health (in which case I do or don't do whatever I darn well please) OR because I need to run errands that I can't do on the weekends.

Sounds like this is one of the former days. Do or don't do whatever you want!
 
Half the office I worked in took the day off when there was a shooting in Lansing at MSU (everyone knows someone who works there). I think most compassionate managers and bosses will understand.
 
It's ok to take a personal day. It's ok to just rest. It's ok to struggle.

How are you doing now?
 
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