Triggered By Other People's Mental Illness

[Kintsugi]

I've read about that book, and I was kind of glad after reading about it, because sociopaths are supposed to be charming, well-kept, likeable people. I hate charming, well-kept, likeable people. Send me the humble crazies whose self-esteem is almost as low as mine, please and thank you. Charm is a huge turn-off for me. I don't trust people who are charming. I do trust people who tell me they are diagnosed with a mental disorder. Maybe this is bad? It's the honesty that I like.

 

[Spero3]

MissAntiSunshine,

I am totally with you on that. I have met men and women who are like that and my alarm bells go off immediately. AND, almost always my instincts are right about them. They turn out to be totally manipulative, conniving, shallow people.

Spero

 

[mamachick]

Male sociopaths are attracted to me.....I have dated at least a couple of them. The worst was a mental health therapist-I call a crazy maker. Very dangerous. Often very caring and nurturing-something I guess I appreciate since I was very neglected. I with I had your antenna, unfortunately, I only get it after Im involved.

 

[mamachick]

sociopaths are very good at reading other people and their needs. They will "be" who you need at the time. They are cameleons and capable of who they are from person to person. They have no real feeling except for their own-anything else is just an act.

 

[Kintsugi]

sociopaths are very good at reading other people and their needs. They will "be" who you need at the time. They are cameleons and capable of who they are from person to person.

I am fairly positive I have met a couple of sociopaths in my life, and I think I see through them so clearly because I have no one personality. I too am a different person for everyone I meet. But that is because I was taught to be whatever someone told me to be and do whatever I was told to do. It's easy to see when someone is catering to my needs because I am generally putting on a disguise myself and trying to read them simultaneously, unsure of who I am yet. You can't cater to something that isn't real. It would be like a sociopath trying to read a shadow.

 

[njray]

Hmm I have met my fair share of closet and non disorder believers...... I much prefer a person whom is honest about their disorder(s)....... I hate it when people I meet say they are "cured" instead of saying they are managed as sometimes even managers screw up (which is ok). It makes me able to absorb/deal with others issues better hence my own self if i know what might becoming down the road in their behaviors. If i am in the dark about partners needs I often blame myself and that triggers my issues.

I "f" up all the time. I am very open about my issues. Now that I know I have them and I am better educated about them. If people cannot except me as me they can go jump in a lake...preferably a leach filled one......As I am tired of getting the blood sucked out of my brain and heart by them...

 

[mamachick]

So ironic this post was in my alerts today, I just got off the phone with a friend who is OCD and very perfectionist. Again, she is a very good friend. I am very tolerant of others behaviors. So I accept that she visits here and I cant go to her house because she is a hoarderer and fully disorganized, or she has huge flight of ideas and a conversation can be taxing. What I am finding difficult at this moment is that she attempts to be perfect in every sense, she critiques or criticizes others a bit much. So in my telling her of a situation today, which is in relation to my working on regaining my assertion skills, she says "well, why didnt you??xy and z." then offers advice that I should bring someone else into the situation which I know would be unhealthy.
I have shared my ptsd with her and that my responses are often off target when faced with situation-I tend to flight rather than fight. Then I reflect on the effects and chose a more assertive role. Sometimes we are just sharing and not looking for a lecture. Particularly when we understand the other persons disorder but they have not really sought to understand ours.

So does anybody have any advice as to how to handle a friend who acknowledges that she is a perfectionist with OCD but believes that her disorder makes her a better person. Therefore, I must not be progressing/healing fast enough if I allowed the same mistake 2 times, because she would only allow it once and then learns.

I have told her the truth very gently. She does not get it. We have even gone to Al-Anon meetings together when she has felt very low and she will tell the effects of her bi-polar daughter (and that she is adopted so its not genetic). Yet she does not see that her words may have any negative effects on others. She is a good friend and a relationship I would like to save. Any advice welcome.

 

[Spero3]

Brat17,

Your situation with your friend is a hard one. I am afraid I am someone who tends to cut off people like that, so I don't know how helpful my advice is. Having said that, I know you have already talked to her, but maybe trying again with slightly different words. Sometimes people need to hear things multiple times before it sinks in. One thing you can say to her, although it's a bit harsh, is that she obviously doesn't learn the first time, because she continues to criticize people and hordes. Her criticism of others is her way of making herself feel better because of her problems. Another approach is to simply tell her you don't like it when she criticizes others, because it makes you wonder what she thinks of you. In addition, everyone learns in their own way, and in their own time.

Anyway, that's my dysfunctional advice. ;)

Spero

 

[Crl1983]

Yes, my mom often says and does things that trigger me.

 

[Dalmaoma]

I'm new to the site. Thought I'd comment on my boyfriend and our relationship. I met him in August 2010 when we were both in the rehab facility. We started off just talking and stayed in touch after both of our separate releases. I had no romantic feelings for him; however, there was an attraction. I was in a relationship (that was a disaster waiting to happen) at the time. After some time passed and I was out of my unhealthy relationship, things progressed in a more serious fashion. We seemed to have a good dynamic. He suffers for social anxiety and depression and I with post-traumatic stress disorder and severe depression. It seemed we could relate to how the other was feeling and be supportive during each others low periods. We've both encountered similar lows; I lost my job, car, apartment and dog. He was homeless from the hospital with nowhere to go. We stayed in my apartment until we both became homeless and then struggled to have somewhere other than the shelter for refuge. He is currently staying with his mom and my dog (whom she is caring for while I am unable to do so, which is a blessing) and I am staying with my mom and 19 year old brother. We've both filed for disability and at this point I'm waiting on the reconsideration process. It is nearing a year since we met and our relationship is beginning to show wear and tear. I likely rely on him too heavily and that can be stressing for him but whereas I look at it that if someone loves you; truly loves you, they must love all of you--good and the not so good. He recently attempted to break up with me. I don't know if he just gave up on it as a result of my reaction, or not. I honestly don't know what or how I'd be without him. I've just begun therapy sessions to deal with my childhood sexual trama and I fear what that will bring with it. I want simply to have him to talk to yet he avoids me on FB like I'm the plague. I've addressed this behavior before with him and he gives this excuse or that, never making efforts to communicate. I know I can't change him; I just don't understand why he doesn't embrace me anything like I embrace him. I'd like to think our paths will continue together into the future, but I'm really not certain of that. Maybe as with addictive traits not making for good realtions partners; mental illness doesn't either. I just don't know.

 

[MurphyJB]

It is nearing a year since we met and our relationship is beginning to show wear and tear. I likely rely on him too heavily and that can be stressing for him but whereas I look at it that if someone loves you; truly loves you, they must love all of you--good and the not so good. He recently attempted to break up with me. I don't know if he just gave up on it as a result of my reaction, or not.

ANY relationship has wear and tear after a year....especially when both people are suffering from disorders. It's good that you realize you rely on him too heavily. Realizing it means you are aware of yourself and can try to stop that behavior. Your statement about love is not necessarily true. I LOVE my fiance to death, I hate the fact that he isolates, I hate his anxiety and depression. Why on earth would I love that part of him? I love who he is, but I know who he is is not defined by those things.

 

[Kb3]

I'm visiting my parents for a couple of weeks at their house and five days in I can already feel the walls closing in on me. My dad is very likely a PTSD/complex trauma sufferer and is definitely a controlling, depressive alcoholic. He won't rest until he has my whole family and I dancing to his crazy little tune, and it is starting to get to me.

I have been getting some very helpful therapy for this issue (finally!) and can really see what's happening without experiencing the rage that I used to feel when he directs it at me, but when I see him manipulating my children I want to scream:eek:. Then I feel bad because I want them to be able to have a good relationship with their grandfather - he loves them, right? Aargh!!!

Thank God that we live in another country and can have a rather more hypothetical relationship than an actual one most of the year. Right right now though I am desperately resisting the urge to fall into old behavioral patterns( me bitchy, sulking teenage daughter, my parents, concerned and exasperated caretakers). My sister is flying in this afternoon to join the fray, and this ups the chances of a complete relapse exponentially.

Wish me luck, if I come out of this weekend with my personality intact I will have won the mental health sweepstakes!