Triggered By Physical Injury

[maddog]

Migraines are so dabilitating, I've had only a couple in my life and they are horrific and scary, I'm sorry for both of you that you suffer so deeply from these.

Meadowsweet, I suspect that your public reaction is about as healthy and constructive and likely to yield the desired result as possible. My T would be very proud of you!! He is always reminding me how beneficial it is to project an image of calm control and empathy for the concern of others, eg "I realise you're just concerned for my welfare and I appreciate that, but I'm actually quite ok and better off if you just give me some space bla bla bla..."

It makes me want to punch him, hard, but I know he's right, and by smiling reassuringly at people, regardless of how you actually feel, I think you are sending this message pretty clearly. I wish I had that sort of self control in me, but in spite of my best intentions, it's often a long time later before I'm able to reflect on what happened and how far from that ideal my response was.

Wish I even knew where and how to start to build a better me.

Maddog

 

[Meadowsweet]

Meadowsweet, I suspect that your public reaction is about as healthy and constructive and likely to yield the desired result as possible. My T would be very proud of you!!

Maddog, your therapist might suggest this reaction for you as a way of helping control the desire to lash out.

But its not a healthy reaction for me. Sometimes lashing out or shouting about the threat is a life saver.

Because I can't do that, I don't let anyone close, because they could harm me and I would just let them.

 

[maddog]

I understand Meadowsweet, and I apologise if my post came across as rather flippant and dismissive - I suppose I was trying to be humorous in a brash and humorless kind of way, which is what I do sometimes... even though it's not always very socially acceptable!

As I said, I do understand what you say and how that can be the case. This is all so hard, and no response seems ideal or necessarily appropriate when all you want is for everyone to just leave you alone and stop making the day any harder than it has to be. And I don't even buy the line about most people meaning well anymore... meaning well means minding one's own business unless invited to do otherwise, and I will stand by that until my dying day.

Sending you a hug, or just some warm empathy tonight if you'd prefer it.

Maddog

 

[Meadowsweet]

(((Maddog))), I didn't think you were being dismissive, I just didn't want you putting yourself down.

You are the best you that there is, and you do brilliantly coping with more than most people will ever have to.