Triggering, Stress And Heart Problems

[TXbandit]

This is going to be all around mess as I am dealing with a lot right now. This is a half ass freak out/rant post.

Went to the doc to get anxiety meds on the 29th and also brought up the heart problems I have been having lately. Got my script and had a EKG done. Found three abnormalities and was scheduled to see a cardiologist on the thirty first of this month. So, I am having these heart issues, palpitations, dizziness, etc. I'm trying to be patient and hold out. I had a little issue last week and a friend wanted to take me to the ER. I wasn't having it. Stubborn. I can deal until the 31st.

This week I was triggered three times. Once here from someone hurling suicidal plans (I lay no blame for that), my Dad who was and still is some what abusive and last night seeing my abusive ex who had the gall to say hello and then proceed to f*ck with me all night. Staring, flaunting his new girl and tried to talk to me again later in the night. I just did the "uh huh" "yeah...." resting bitch face.... He got the point and walked away. What kind of f*cking creep does that shit?! Psycho... I did well though. I stood my ground but I still triggered. I got about 2-3 hours of sleep last night. Had a few flashbacks, picking and scratching,intrusive, nasty thoughts, crying fits, wanting to destroy everything and anxiety which is stirring up my heart issues which is making my anxiety even worse.

I woke up and noticed I had swelling in my left leg. I've had swelling before in my legs and feet about five or six occasions over the last year. I put it off due to the snowballing tragedies this year, grieving and major depressive episodes. Like most other things, I put it off. I am a mess right now. I can feel my heart beating in my neck, angina when I breath in deep trying to calm my anxiety. I am too damn scared (and stubborn) to go to the hospital. I'm already in panic mode. Stress is killing me.

I have been doing so well for the past two months. I cut my drinking back more than half and not getting drunk, I have busted my ass on re-framing negative thoughts and focused on healing. This week feels like it just shit all over my hard work. I am so overwhelmed. Not even sure why I am posting this. I don't want sympathy or pity. I just need to write all this stress out!

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Panic episodes can feel similar to a heart attack. The swelling, though, would be caused by another internal problem, in my opinion. Sometimes, it helps me to take an aspirin, lay back, and put my feet up on pillows. Gets more blood to your heart. Heart disease runs heavily in my paternal side of the family.

 

[TXbandit]

Runs in both sides of mine as well. It's an ongoing issue and started getting worse around Fourth of July.

 

[joeylittle]

I have been doing so well for the past two months. I cut my drinking back more than half and not getting drunk, I have busted my ass on re-framing negative thoughts and focused on healing. This weeks feel like it just shit all over my hard work.

In some strange way, it seems to me though that actually all that hard work is paying off for you right now. I don't mean to be saying 'turn that frown upside down' - only that you are walking through a shitstorm of events, and actually, you're still standing. You're super-stressed, you're frustrated - but you are still standing. If you can try and think about how the you from 3 months ago might have handled this vs the you from now, you might be able to see that you just put a lot of your hard work to the test and it's stood up.

I am so overwhelmed. Not even sure why I am posting this. I don't want sympathy or pity. I just need to write all this stress out!

What you're doing is diffusing the overwhelmed feeling by expressing your stress. You said it, I'm just reflecting it. Nothing in your OP is about giving up or giving in, and you even paid yourself a few compliments. Believe it or not, this is what coping sometimes looks like.

I need to remember this for myself, too.

Re: your leg, I hate to say it, but can you get orders for a doppler, just to rule out clots? I think after giving it a good two days of really periodically elevating it (and actually doing prone elevation, so it gets above your heart), combined with a few aspirin, and see if it improves significantly. Otherwise, even though it's just another pain in the ass, you'd rather know than not know if you've got some DVT going on. (This message is brought to you by the woman who tried to ignore a DVT)

 

[TXbandit]

I took a Bayer about 4 pm. Same symptoms. I got my anxiety under control. I think from the lack of sleep, I just couldn't produce the adrenaline anymore to feed my anxiety. I started having a burning sensation inside the left part of my neck. After a few minutes it started hurting.The swelling in my leg got worse and moved from my calf, ankle, toes and it's currently in the same state. I've got it all propped up now.

@joeylittle, I honestly don't think I'd be standing if it were me three months ago. I wasn't as prepared as I am now. I'd have totally been in a depressive episode, yet again. And maybe, even worse. Thank you for mentioning that. I didn't really realize that I was using those tools in my OP! Thank you for that!! Much appreciated.

I'm just going to take it easy tonight, prop my leg and see how tomorrow goes.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I took a Bayer about 4 pm. Same symptoms. I got my anxiety under control. I think from the lack of slee...

I often have that burning in the neck sensation also. Kinda like it goes up through one of my arteries. Strange

 

[TXbandit]

P.S @joeylittle , If I had not had those tools that you put so much time, hard work and effort into those articles on the home page about negative thinking styles, I wouldn't be where I am today. I really do appreciate you doing that for everyone here and myself. For anyone reading this, here's the link to what I used to help with negative thoughts https://www.myptsd.com/threads/solving-the-problem-reframing-negative-thoughts.86470/

 

[TXbandit]

That is strange, @Whispering_Truth. What type of heart disease specifically do you deal with?

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

That is strange, @Whispering_Truth. What type of heart disease specifically do you d...

I have hypertension. I am not aware of any heart problems currently. My father and grandfather had multiple heart attacks, clogging and hardening of the arteries. My father passed away at 52.

 

[joeylittle]

Thanks, @TXbandit - I'm really glad that those articles were useful for you, and thanks for saying so. It means a lot to me. :joyful:

 

[TXbandit]

My grandfather's, on both sides, had congestive heart failure, heart disease, pacemakers, defibs and they also all have/had mental health issues. My paternal aunt had a pacemaker put in before the age of 40.

You are very welcome, @joeylittle :happy:

 

[TXbandit]

I'm sorry to hear your father passed so soon, @Whispering_Truth