WillowMarie
Silver Member
Last night at work, I had two triggers. :(
The first was not as bad, it was with a fellow associate that can get cranky and take it out on others. I had borrowed her printer and brought it to the backroom to use for a few. (I didn't see her and knew she was the one using it. I had passed by twice and the printer was sitting there unattended and had hoped to use it and have it back before she returned. This is also the department printer, so it was not like it was her personal printer to use, it is for all of us.)
She came into the back when I was just finishing up with the printer and said irritatingly, is that my printer? I said yes and told her I hadn't seen her for a bit, so I borrowed the printer since I only needed it for a few. She responded that she wasn't gone for that long. I could tell she was fuming and when someone is irritated, it makes me nervous and I start getting anxious and jumpy. It is like I am getting into fight mood, but I also can tell I am dissociated because I can't think straight when I get like this and things start to get foggy.
Later that night was even worse.
I had a customer call and said she had an order that was shipped to the store that was supposed to be there (she had UPS confirmation), but it did not say in our system that it arrived. I am new to the department and asked a manager (my manager was not in) and he said she needs to wait until it says we have it because we might have been sent it but have not checked it in. So I told this to the customer, but she was upset, I apologized and asked if she wanted to speak to a manager because I am new and that was what the manager told me and I was not sure what else I could do for her. A different manager picked up the call and she was pissed.
She found me and and had a raised voice asking why I didn't go off and find it. I replied, I am not trained on that yet. (I was thinking about finding and checking in our online orders.) She kept going off and also said why am I passing this off onto management. I was able to respond that I talked to the other manager and told her what he said. I wasn't coherent enough to explain that is why I passed it off to management, that I didn't know what else to do and that there were no other associates from my department that I could ask at the time for additional help.
My brain was very much shut down, I could feel myself breathing a bit faster, getting anxious and trying not to show it (I hate when people can see I am reacting to them). After she left, I went back to work, I kept doing the job I was doing. I noticed after about 5-10 min. when I started calming down a bit, I felt kind of shaky and that I wanted to cry.
It is just so frustrating. I wish I was able to stay calm, or atleast have my brain think better in the situation so I can respond better. It is so hard in the moment to remind myself it is okay and that I am reacting because it is a trigger and that I am not in as much danger/trouble as my body is making me feel. After I am out of the situation I can start to do it and start using the self talk, but I haven't gotten to the point where I can do it during. It is like I am consumed by it when it is happening. I am just fighting to make it through.
The first was not as bad, it was with a fellow associate that can get cranky and take it out on others. I had borrowed her printer and brought it to the backroom to use for a few. (I didn't see her and knew she was the one using it. I had passed by twice and the printer was sitting there unattended and had hoped to use it and have it back before she returned. This is also the department printer, so it was not like it was her personal printer to use, it is for all of us.)
She came into the back when I was just finishing up with the printer and said irritatingly, is that my printer? I said yes and told her I hadn't seen her for a bit, so I borrowed the printer since I only needed it for a few. She responded that she wasn't gone for that long. I could tell she was fuming and when someone is irritated, it makes me nervous and I start getting anxious and jumpy. It is like I am getting into fight mood, but I also can tell I am dissociated because I can't think straight when I get like this and things start to get foggy.
Later that night was even worse.
I had a customer call and said she had an order that was shipped to the store that was supposed to be there (she had UPS confirmation), but it did not say in our system that it arrived. I am new to the department and asked a manager (my manager was not in) and he said she needs to wait until it says we have it because we might have been sent it but have not checked it in. So I told this to the customer, but she was upset, I apologized and asked if she wanted to speak to a manager because I am new and that was what the manager told me and I was not sure what else I could do for her. A different manager picked up the call and she was pissed.
She found me and and had a raised voice asking why I didn't go off and find it. I replied, I am not trained on that yet. (I was thinking about finding and checking in our online orders.) She kept going off and also said why am I passing this off onto management. I was able to respond that I talked to the other manager and told her what he said. I wasn't coherent enough to explain that is why I passed it off to management, that I didn't know what else to do and that there were no other associates from my department that I could ask at the time for additional help.
My brain was very much shut down, I could feel myself breathing a bit faster, getting anxious and trying not to show it (I hate when people can see I am reacting to them). After she left, I went back to work, I kept doing the job I was doing. I noticed after about 5-10 min. when I started calming down a bit, I felt kind of shaky and that I wanted to cry.
It is just so frustrating. I wish I was able to stay calm, or atleast have my brain think better in the situation so I can respond better. It is so hard in the moment to remind myself it is okay and that I am reacting because it is a trigger and that I am not in as much danger/trouble as my body is making me feel. After I am out of the situation I can start to do it and start using the self talk, but I haven't gotten to the point where I can do it during. It is like I am consumed by it when it is happening. I am just fighting to make it through.
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