Trouble Reading

[Reflections]

Depersonalization and derealization hit me when I was around 16. There was other changes like trouble sleeping and difficulty reading. I don't mean trouble reading actual text, but difficulty with memory or concentration. I use to love reading fiction before the dissociation hit, afterwards I couldn't manage novels. I couldnt stick with them or I'd forget the details I read and have to start over. Eventually I gave up on them. Sticking with movies or comics instead or non fiction. I feel robbed now, because people ask if I read and I do yet I haven't been. I don't know what to say to people.

Anyone else have this issue?

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh yes! But I keep on ploughing through books even though I still forget a lot.

I tend to re-read a lot but there's no harm in this I think? Idk

I'm a very fast reader but I become 'lost' easily. I still enjoy a good book. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

I have trouble reading,, concentrating and not being distracted, and recall now for years. It's a struggle, and volume or a wall of text is like looking for a white cow in a blizzard, to me. I was a voracious reader pre-ptsd. Loved it, no issues; read since 2 yrs old.

 

[shimmerz]

The frustration I feel while attempting to read is not worth the payback. Part of my self care is my not expecting myself to be able to do something that is clearly causing me pain. Which reading does these days.

Although, I can read books for teenagers. Small ones.

 

[Ronin]

Generic reading, nah, not here.

But my ability to read what people say fluctuates damned lot depending how I am. As in crossed meanings, reading contexts for entirely different ones, misreading danger, things like that. Usually stick to comics by that stage.
Yo, that is a villain. He about to nuke several planets. Why did you think he was lonely ten issues ago, again? And if comicsy people register too high as people and grate on my nerves for real life reasons, I switch over to manuals. Goodness: Cars and planes do not talk back, nor have ethical dilemmas. :happy:

 

[Reflections]

And if comicsy people register too high as people and grate on my nerves for real life reasons, I switch over to manuals.

Heh, I'm having this issue in recent years. I'd watch something but get upset because character's are so unhealthy relationally, with boundaries, sexist, etc. Then friends will say they love that character and I'm just hoping the writers with help the characters grow because it's hurtful to watch.

Oh yes! But I keep on ploughing through books even though I still forget a lot.

That's a good idea. I don't read fast (never did, I absorb slowly and imagine the scenes) but I want to read again. I plow through non fiction books the size of novels so I could do the same with fiction. Again I dont rememberit all in non fiction but I get enough.

The frustration I feel while attempting to read is not worth the payback.

I relate to this so deeply. The fustration I got trying to read a novel wasn't worth it. I'm hoping to find a way or a change in my beliefs so I can read again. I'm more fustrated now that my friends tend to be readers and I rarely do. Though they like my non fiction knowledge.

 

[Abstract]

Hi, is it the dissociation that is messing it up for you? I'm sorry you are experiencing this. One of my big losses is not being able to read anymore. It is a painful loss for me. I used to read a huge amount in the past. Mine isn't dissociation as my dissociation is much improved. It seems to be concentration. I just cannot do it. Can only manage short delves into research. Factual stuff in small doses can still be possible. Books, no.

Is there anything you can manage?

 

[bumbles]

Oh yes. This is a frustrating one. I used to read so many books and be pretty good at comprehension. Now I struggle through reading the worksheets in therapy aloud and getting through it.

 

[Reflections]

Hi, is it the dissociation that is messing it up for you? I'm sorry you are experiencing this. One of my big losses is not being able to read anymore. It is a painful loss for me. I used to read a huge amount in the past. Mine isn't dissociation as my dissociation is much improved. It seems to be concentration. I just cannot do it. Can only manage short delves into research. Factual stuff in small doses can still be possible. Books, no.

Is there anything you can manage?

Abstract, good on you for making progress with the dissociation! It's rough though that reading is still a challenge.

I'm not sure 100% if for me it's dissociation vs something else like depression. Or even challenges layered together. I just know the onset coincides. I know in general the more stressed I am, the more dissociated I am, and the more I can't remember. I can be as bad as Dory. I won't know what I said, what others said 5 secs ago. This isn't the norm though. I notice I'll read without actually reading/absorbing it, if that makes sense? I'm doing without being there. I'll have to re-read things. This usually happens with fiction.

I do research binges actually... which is oddly paradoxical (maybe not healthy either). I can manage articles much better. Fiction less than 4000 words. I can manage non fiction books in chuncks and audio books makes it easier to get through them. Anything not dependent on a continuous narrative.