Trust Issues (Maybe A Rant, But I Don't Think So!)

[fin]

I feel sick just thinking about tomorrow now; I'm not really sure I can be ok without flooding, etc, trying to remain calm while trying to get my point across to someone that doesn't want to hear it.

For 2-3 months while she has been assessing me, I have been pushing it done and then "wobbling" all over the place when I leave her office - which I trigger in to some extent. I feel too open and exposed and vulnerable before I even open my mouth because of the doors and windows in it. I know what this sounds like, I should be able to cope with that...and I have done...but then throwing into the equation other stuff and my stress levels suddenly start rocketing and then I either freeze and shut down or I start circling with my thoughts. Someone patronising me triggers and this is something that has happened twice with her since she finished her assessment at Christmas.

I should be able to do this. I don't know what she's going to say till she says it. It's just not been that good so far.

 

[missy8888]

I Agree with Becvan

Trust is something that has to be earned. It is not something that should just be handed out because someone or us thinks we should. How to earn it? By repetition of actions. This thread outlines what trust is really made of..... [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread2943.html#post19213[/DLMURL] (post 8 I explain then again with examples further down.)

bec

Fin,

Now I don't have PTSD, but I also have a problem with trust. Maybe cause of my career, I don't trust anyone. I have always felt that trust is something that needs to be earned not just given. It is earned over time though consistancy.

Sometimes I do get a gut feeling (that could go either way). If it's a good gut feeling then I may let my guard down a tad, but if it is a bad feeling....my walls...think fort knox, lol.

Now I think if you have someone in your life over a period of time (months, and months) and they have been nothing but consistent and trust worthy, and if your walls are still 100% up, then you might need to re-evalute...just a smidge...and give them 1/2 a chance. :doh:

There is that saying, "Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior," that is for both ways. Food for thought. :think:

:Hug_emoticon:

 

[reallydown]

fin,

I also have major trust issues...they've interferred with friendhsips, other relationships and even my ability to help myself... (going to counselling etc.)...

 

[freya]

I can relate to the problems with an unexperienced psychologist. My coach (serving as a therapist) has no experience with PTSD and does not seem to understand it.
I choose to work with him years before I got the diagnosis of PTSD. There is a lot of friction between us as he seems to misinterpret my behavior and that is a HUGE trigger for me, again and again. (So far I'm hesitant though to go look for someone else; mostly because I'm tired of having to get acquinted with yet another therapist).

I think if the therapist does not understand PTSD it's likely that he/she will misinterpret your behavior. And very likely tell you you are having a problem while really you are wounded and unable to react/respond in ways other clients would. I think this could be a big source of trouble.
With my coach it comes down to him telling me I have a problem and that my behavior is not 'normal' and trying to offer me suggestions for change while all the time he is just mis-understanding where I'm coming from. And yes I experience that as very confusing: it comes down to being patronised while the other party does not even realize they are doing that...

 

[Claire]

Hello Fin, ok I'm going to play devils advocate here...so bear with me...are you sure that you aren't trying to avoid the therapy? Could your worry and inability to trust be because they might get under the layers and it will be uncomfortable?

Having said what you have (and I believe you) you need to remember this is not an ideal world and you do have to comply with the rules a bit if you want the NHS to help you. I know its not ideal, but can you ask yourself if you are reading the situation correctly or are just really scared about beginning to work on this?

Now having said all that and I hope I haven't rubbed salt in the wound, I think you do need someone who understands trauma and PTSD. If they dont and you a feeling this a battle of wills at this stage then I cant see how its right. I think you have a perfectly valid reason to ask to be referred. EG. if you had a heart condition you wouldn't go and see an orthopaedic surgeon and if it was the washing machine, you wouldn't call the gas man!

 

[Irton Pike]

Good tack from claire. Try to take a different perspective

 

[fin]

Claire...thank you for your question. No, I know I am able to discuss, and not practising avoidance. I had begun to do this before with a previous EMDR spec. I had no trouble in trusting her either, so I know I can do it - and I am the one that is trying to get the psychologist to deal with the trauma, she wants to work on the agoraphobia (and the depression, actually she hasn't mentioned the depression yet).

I don't know if I am wrong in thinking that I should be part of getting well, but so far I am totally out of the loop.
They say they are going to do something and they don't - 4 things this week!!! If I can't trust them to do the small stuff then... And I have been told by every source I can find that part of getting well and on is treating the trauma first and the rest will maybe need work but might not...the rest will come...but trauma centred therapy first.


The eMDR spec - when they froze her post (lack of funding) well, when they froze her post, she rang me quite upset saying that my local authority didn't know how to treat trauma and that I shouldn't trust them etc etc, and loads more.
Well at the time I thought she was perhaps being somewhat unprofessional, but now I am thinking maybe as un-professional as it was, maybe she was right to warn me.

And I did bear this in mind and gave everyone the benefit of the doubt right up until the last two weeks.

Up until I joined here I have kept this bottled up and been frightened and worried that whatever I did would probably be the wrong thing. If I say something, anything I know I will be told to make a formal complaint and I just can't do that, I don't have the support or anything left in me to be able to. EVERYTHING I HAVE LEFT HAS TO GO TOWARDS ME MOVING FORWARD.

I have no strength left for messing around anymore. Maybe after I get well. So please, please, as well meaning as it may be, please don't suggest I complain because all treatment stops everything, and that would be it...until and unless everything went well from a complaint. Oh, and after the complaint, I am then the woman that pisses everybody off - and it doesn't go down well with whoever takes you on after.

No, I have no more time for any of that.

But thank you. I do understand the question completely and thank you because I know it came from a good place.

Thank you,
~fin
.

 

[fin]

Oh and my psychologist is not trauma trained (she had one person before me)..... and I have complex-ptsd.

I had and still have to an extent an open-mind, I just need to be the one looking out for me now. I have trusted and believed when I have been told -in terms of treatment- XY or Z and I am in a worse state, and I am not saying it is their fault but now no...now PRO-ACTIVE BIG TIME.

I would be intersted to hear about your treatment, as I see that you are in the UK have you a thread here on it? I will try to find one...

Oh and I have to add that I dont expect anyone to fix me...I know that comes from me...I just know I cant do this on my own...I have gotten so much worse and I just need guidance and help...and it would be good to have it from someone that wasn't already..... well I will stop there.



Many thanks Claire
~fin

 

[Claire]

Hello Fin, just noticed your posts here. Firstly I wasn't suggesting you complained. I suggested you asked to be referred. You should be able to ask for that. If you were having an operation you can ask for a second opinion before going ahead so I think I'm right in saying you are intitled to do the same with this. You dont have to complain though in order to get one.

Yes, I'm the UK. Very briefly this is what happened to me, I had a car crash, a couple of months went by, I lost it, went to the doctor, she tried to give me a prescription and referred me to see the mental health team. The appointment was 8 weeks away, I thought I would have killed myself if I'd waited that long so under the advice and persuasion of a good friend I got the yellow pages out and stuck a pin in! I rang the guy, explained what was happening and went to see him. I didnt know much about anything at that point including what was wrong with me and what to look for in a therapist. No-one I knew had ever seen one. I checked the guy's qualifications and went from there. He had experience in trauma. He was gentle with me to start with which was what I needed. I could barely talk to him and couldn't look at him or sit down in the sessions. The first session I told him what happened. I thought that would be it! Sorted! Unfortunately it wasn't.

During the years I've been seeing him he has trained in EMDR and the tapping thing that I cant remember the name of. He has used EMDR with me. During this time I've been back to the docs, referred again (and didn't go, they offered 6 weeks CBT and I couldn't even talk about stuff properly still then) and also went to see another private therapist (CBT) because I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing as it was taking a long time to get better. I told my therapist what I was doing though and he was fine with it. I had to see a psychotherapist for the insurance company who was the one who diagnosed officially PTSD. Every time I go to the doctors about it they want to give me drugs and I've always refused to take them. I personally dont think that's the solution for me.

Money: its private and has cost me a fortune and I'm in debt because of it. The insurance company paid out but I wasn't better at that point and I couldn't go to court with this partly because I cant speak when i'm under a lot of pressure so I couldn't see how I'd make a good witness. PSTD has massively effected how much I have been able to work too. The payout I'd have got if it had gone to court wouldn't have been enough either.

So that's it so far. I'm miles down the road to recovery now. Its been a long road and I know a lot more now than I did at the start. If there's anything you want to ask me, go ahead and I'll try and answer it. I still see my therapist but I dont think I will be for much longer.

 

[Claire]

I meant to say I went to see a psychiatrist for the insurance company who diagnosed PTSD.

I think the thing that has got me through this is the agreement with my therapist that we made at the start. I dont have much flexibilty with my appointments. He is pretty rigid and formal with them. It has always meant that I cant just get out of them. I also have the agreement that I cant just stop without discussing it first. I find those rules hard but I also think its that has stopped me from backing out of therapy. Its based on mutual respect and a partnership. He is going to do his best for me and in return I have to play my part too. I am also determined to get better.

 

[fin]

Claire thankyou, it sounds to me that you have a good therapist.
I have been messed about soo much, I have to avoid this thread of mine at the moment or I just come back and start getting all riled.
Am still plugging on here though, and will have an update (that is more than me ranting some) soon -I hope. Some stuff has gone on since my last entry here and I think its in my diary- but at the moment still no concrete news of treatment happening anytime soon.
Thankyou Claire for your posting, it does give me some hope to hear other's good news with regard to getting treatment.

 

[Vickym]

Fin,

People do have to earn trust it's not something we can just hand out to each and every person along the way. Unfortunetley it takes us a few times of getting burned to learn this. Another thing is not all people mix with everyone elses personality. Some people rub us the wrong way or irritate us. Others we hit right off. Some we just learn to tollerate. If I were you I wouldn't settle as hard as it is keep looking for that theripist that you mix well with. If you don't feel comfortable you will never truely get the help you need.