Sufferer Trust, respect and sabotage. physical, emotional, sexually abused from early childhood.

[Lili]

Hi - I was diagnosed with Chronic PTSD 8 years ago after many years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse stemming back to early childhood. I've been in and out of therapy for 25+ years never finding a therapist that I thought could understand me. 3 months ago I found a therapist and a trauma group that would change my life. I've learned to trust my therapist and have even found I have a lot of respect for her. My problem is I am starting to do with my therapist and my trauma group what I always do when I start to trust and respect someone - I sabotage every good relationship that comes my way and walk away because of fear. Any suggestions so I don't blow this healthy relationship too?

 

[Laika]

I think if you talked to them about it they might understand more, and they could help you through it.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

Have you told your therapist about your worry that you will sabatoge the relationship out of fear? Telling her, and even the group, might be one place to start. Let them know you might run, but you don't want to run. Sometimes this takes the edge off the fear for me, and helps me stay.

 

[Lady Moonlight]

Lili,

I think that your awareness of the sabotage is already a step in the right direction. You can't make a change without being first aware of a problem, right? I have to agree with the others that being honest about it would help clue your therapist into your behaviors which would help him/her to be able to then help you. That's why you see this person, right? And this seems like a very important thing to work through together.

I, like you, am new here. I hope you find the answers and support you need!