Relationship Trying Not To Take It Personally...

[Sighs]

Sigh!

This morning when I left home my vet said "call me when you get to work". I usually text him when I get to work as its an 80km drive just to let him know I got there safely. So I replied "call or text?" He said "oh that's right you only text". He seemed fine and we said goodbye as usual.

When I got to work I called him. No answer. So I texted saying "Tried to call. No answer. At work safe. Love you.". He immediately texted back asking about the weather. No "x" at the end of the message like he usually sends. I tried again to call. No answer. I sent a reply about the weather. No answer. I tried to call again at lunch time. No answer. We usually talk or text at least once during the day.

Is he playing games? Am I overthinking this? He was a little withdrawn last night because of an irritation which has nothing to do with me.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Don't sweat the small stuff hon. He may not be having a good day. It may be a "stress hangover" from the irritation last night, which wasn't about you. As easy as it is to take things personally, if you do, you will make yourself nuts.

 

[sweetcandy]

I know that when those things happen to me, I get afraid of abandonment and think way too much.

It could be that he is a little stressed out after last night which has nothing to do with you. Try to give him some space and he could come around. Stay positive.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Oh, I know this one. My husband gets stressed about x, but he doesn't know how to deal with it. So he will 'punish' me by not communicating.

I'm lucky in that I know he isn't a danger to himself, so if I don't hear from him I know it's because he doesn't want to communicate. I will still text at lunchtime, and when I am leaving work, in the same tone as when he is responsive.

Usually when I get home, he will ignore me or try to bait me into an argument (depending on the cause of the mood), so I just kiss him on the cheek, arm (wherever I can reach), tell him I love him, and then go upstairs to read my book, use the computer, or whatever.

He says that because I won't get into an argument with him he has no choice but to calm down. Some days it takes 10 minutes, other days it takes hours. If it's the latter I will pop downstairs every hour or so and do the kiss/love you combo to reassure him (he has abandonment issues too) and will then go upstairs again.

Eventually he will come to me, he usually apologises for being an arse, and we can then talk about what is bothering him if he wants, or just cuddle in front of the TV if he doesn't.

Won't work for everyone, but works for us.

Good luck finding what works for you!

 

[Ed Norton]

I wouldn't take it personally.

 

[Glara]

This sounds so much like me. The stuff that goes in in my head....

I go back and fourth never knowing if it's something that'll pass or it's a big conspiracy and he's playing games with me. It sounds like something small that will pass, but I completely get where your head is at.

 

[Sighs]

Thank you everyone! It helps to be reminded that I am not alone and this too shall pass.

When I got home he was still stressed and initially uncommunicative and then very argumentative. I was brave enough to say to him "I know you are stressed about x. I did not cause x so I don't understand why you are being so horrible to me." He didn't apologise but his attitude softened and then - yay! x resolved itself! After that he was lovely. :rolleyes: