Ugh! Now I’m angry. But not enough apparently because I understand they are triggered and even in a child like state (from the way they were talking last night)
I took a very long nap like 3 hours and they had wanted to FaceTime
Now I’m blocked again
We’ve already discussed it makes me sad and they do understand but clearly can’t quite help it ? Am I stupid?
I’m divorced busy tired and really need peace
Recap when I took space. They expressed clear unhappiness and were polite “please don’t leave me alone”
Then talked about space for a while and I expressed huh? Maybe not a good idea? Then more cals texts and wanting to see me but now blocked
I know it’s one of those things nobody can tell me what to do but if anyone wants to I will listen
Like practically advice for either me or the relationship
I know it’s not the time or at least believe it’s not the time to focus on building our relationship necessarily if that makes sense
Hello
@Defaultxlove
I almost made the same several weeks ago, so I will explain you what was in my head, maybe it can help you to understand
Resume of my situation: I dont have PTSD, I am divorced after a very difficult relationship with huge betrayal and emotional abuse. After that, a friend with PTSD help me a lot. Because of some problems, we share a flat during a long time and it was extremely difficult for me to deal with his need of being alone, he was unable to speak to me in person or to hang out like before, and it was very hard. But our friendship survived. Now he found a good job and he has moved to another city in my country that is far away of mine.
We speak by phone around one hour per week, and this is now ok for me, so much better than the extreme silence that we had before. So, in summary, I am a very hurt person, our frienship was very difficult in the past, but now, with the distance, it has improved a lot, he is able to speak to me again and he phones me. No problems
But the other day I had extreme anxiety, not related with him but with other things of my work. I phone him and he didnt answer the phone. Then all my demons came back. "He doesnt want to speak to me, he hates me, he can speak with any random person but not with me, he will phone me NEVER, EVER." I was so hurt that the only thing I wanted to do was eliminate this friendship that was hurting me so much in this moment. I really wanted to block him and delete his phone number. Luckily, I have made months of therapy so I told to myself. Ok, I now that my mind is not in good place now, I can not make actions that can be undone, because later I can be sad about it. I will delete all the apps of my phone that I use to phone him, so he will not be able to phone me, but he will not see the blocking. And I will be out during one month, and after that maybe I come back, without so much pain.
The only thing I wanted was to speak with him. But I had so much pain that I tried to cut the communication with him and put a month without contact. It is stupid and nonsense, but this is what I tried to do
Two days later I was better about my anxiety and I felt extremely stupid. In the last weeks he always phone me, maybe not at the moment but finally he always do it. "Maybe he didnt hate me, maybe he was just doing another thing, maybe he was in the job, or maybe he was symtomatic and was not able to speak with nobody in that moment". I felt extremely guilty and I reinstaled the apps. In the moment I was online, he phoned me. It was a nice call.
Luckily, I only deleted the apps and didnt block him, so he didnt notice about all the crazy things that happened in my head, and our friendship was not damaged because of my anxiety
Our friendship is ok now, because of two reasons: he is doing his work with the friendship and phone me when he can, so I am beginning to trust in him. I am doing my work with the therapy so I can control my impulsiveness when I have anxiety
I hope this can help you
