I'm so tired of the roadblocks....I don't even know the words to describe how I am feeling....nothing new there. I am tired of keeping up the walls, but so afraid to let them down. The flashbacks have been almost non-stop and I just wish my mind would calm for just a short time. I have tried to be mindful, meditate, share, get out of the house, but yet there is a heavy heart right now.
I finally realized what it was. In addition to learning of the death of a grandparent yesterday, I was told the service is this coming Friday. This Friday is the anniversary of the death of my children's father, who I was on good terms with when he died. He was one of my abusers. He was ill while being abusive...an alcoholic and drug user....same things which ended up killing him.
Thankfully, I found out one of the others who created trauma is in prison for 18 years so won't be at the funeral. I'm afraid yet....afraid to be among some who were not kind to me when I divorced the boy's dad, but on the other hand I'm tired of running.....tired of being a victim.
Tears are okay.
I finally realized what it was. In addition to learning of the death of a grandparent yesterday, I was told the service is this coming Friday. This Friday is the anniversary of the death of my children's father, who I was on good terms with when he died. He was one of my abusers. He was ill while being abusive...an alcoholic and drug user....same things which ended up killing him.
Thankfully, I found out one of the others who created trauma is in prison for 18 years so won't be at the funeral. I'm afraid yet....afraid to be among some who were not kind to me when I divorced the boy's dad, but on the other hand I'm tired of running.....tired of being a victim.
Tears are okay.
