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Trying to understand affirmations

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I think in pictures. You can talk words at me all day long, won't mean jack shit until I've got the picture I can hold in my mind and actually know.

Same token, saying words I don't believe into a mirror? Only thing that'll do is cement how much bullshit they are in my head. Because we've got the words, and then we've got the expression on my face while I'm saying them. Which do you think carries more weight?

If I want an affirmation to work? I have to speak my own language, first. Then I might could hear them.
 
^^

The only words I really trust are actions. Others stay burned in my mind, though. Depending who & when they come from.
& The only /other/ words I trust are gestures & sign words & moves.

I don't remember a lot of things about people very well, but I remember people by a lot of things very well (a face is just a face, until I break it to compound of details - then it's very rememberable), so if I get everything of a face right, I'll remember what was said / it effects me differently. I can do self affirmations if I see myself of another time. I can believe affirmations if I remember my mentors & dear friends' expression as they said the same thing, or something very similar, to what I'm trying to teach myself. Otherwise it's miss-and-miss.
 
"I think in pictures" lol I used to say that all the time. I drew some really great stuff early in therapy. Yes I had a real bad problem with this I maybe still do but I'm better. I was trying to read Ellen Bass' Courage to Heal workbook in the beginning and I got to the positive self affirmation part and I just put the book away. The therapist was after me a couple years to pick it back up but I never did. I read a bunch of books after that and I guess I 'got around it somehow.' It was really hard though. I remember way back when before I knew anything about this I was somewhere and this really beautiful woman (who I had a mad crush on) was standing in front of me saying "you beautiful, your wonderful everybody's going to love you're going to have a wonderful life." lol I was looking at her with my mouth hanging open you know and this guy was looking on and he said "tell him he is an a hole that's what he's used to" and "you better stop saying that to him or he's going to faint."
 
My system also reacts very badly to all that positive mumbo jumbo; kind of like a violent revulsion. That kinda makes sense to me cause it's too big of a stretch. Have made some of my own affirmations that work very well for me which I do not share with anyone cause they are personal and work for me. It probably will be a step up thing...like when my system can digest the present affirmation then can possibly move on to something a little more positive.
I am very damaged and have finally accepted that rather than comparing myself to others. I needed to accept that (I fought it for a long time); acceptance then allows me to start where I am...do I like it? No, not at all. I do not have to like something to accept it; and by not accepting I am merely making it way more difficult for myself.
 
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