Relationship Trying To Understand Him : It's Me Or Ptsd??

[Cricket2014]

Hello :)
Any feedback would be well appreciated... Need to go on with my life and maybe reduce the pain by understanding a little bit more.

A friend of mine was diagnosed with PTSD in October 2013 (lost is mom 4 years ago)... We have know each other for few years now.

I'll try to make this short...
- His Longtime girlfriend left him in November 2013
- He is on medication since December 2013
- We began to hangout in december 2013 and I was a good listener for him and we were passing a lot of time together and enjoying good times… we would be together every day and always texting. We were getting pretty close, got intimate and then slowly things began to change…

We would go out and while drinking began to be condescending with me.
Next morning he would apologized… It's like he was pushing me away purposely... I finaly ask him what was the problem and he told be that we were both not truthful about our feeling to one another... I wanted to talk about it and he did not want to do so I was never able to clearly understand the meanings of what he was saying... And then he begin to take more and more distance from me...

How can things be so perfect and switch so fast?? Is it me or the ptsd?

Since we are neighbors, we would cross each other sometimes but nothing more. The hardest part was seeing different women coming and going from is apartment this summer. And now, for the last month, he is playing house with someone new like they've been years together.

it’s so hard not to take is behavior personally and i have alot of difficulties to get over this... It still hurts so much.

Any ideas on how to explain this? Is it just me? He did not have anymore interests for me? Or he ran because we were getting to close and he could not handle it? If so, how come now he is open to see other womens?

Thank you soooo much for your time reading this!

 

[anthony]

Up until the below statement, I would have said it could be a combination of you and his PTSD... but as you stated the below, that is more a behaviour of PTSD.

Since we are neighbors, we would cross each other sometimes but nothing more. The hardest part was seeing different women coming and going from is apartment this summer. And now, for the last month, he is playing house with someone new like they've been years together.

The problem is that if you wanted a friend, you shouldn't have slept with him. Now if you wanted a relationship, then that is different... and his behaviour is very typical PTSD for a male. Alcohol is present, condescending with alcohol, girls coming and going, playing house suddenly... and I have no doubt that will change very quickly to you hearing arguments soon OR she will be kicked out of his place as soon as he's had enough of her.

It screams male PTSD behaviour...

 

[Cricket2014]

Thank you very much for your time Antony!

And yes, I was looking for a relationship... I began to have feelings for him and really thought he felt the same way... He was so nice and caring with me... It felt like we were building slowly a good foundation and getting somewhere but instead, he went running the other way and now it's like I don't exist anymore.

 

[anthony]

Unfortunately cricket... that oozes PTSD all over it. Maybe he found you non-compatible for him, maybe that is a part of it, but what you have described screams a lot of PTSD behaviour. I think you will confirm this for yourself soon enough, as outlined... if this new girl is kicked out in the near future / you start to hear fights and screaming matches occur next door. That will confirm more PTSD than anything else.

It's normal for us with PTSD to go through a point in our lives where we don't know what we want, and relationships become pretty toxic during that time, until we often realise it is us who need focus on ourselves without such distractions... then go looking for a relationship when we have a foundation of normalcy based on being capable of managing ourselves and responses without the distraction of PTSD primarily affecting us.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It could be as simple as he's just not that into you and have very little to do with ptsd.

 

[Sighs]

@Cricket2014 - at the end of the day, does it matter why? It hurts like hell regardless. Can you move? Seriously. You need distance and time to get over this man. Try not to agonize over the reasons behind his behaviour. They are his issues not yours.

 

[Seagreen]

It could be to do with his PTSD, it could be he's not interested or he could just be a douchebag. I hope you get the closure you seek soon. Living next door to him wouldn't help.

 

[Confused14]

I am going through the exact same thing right now, feeling the exact same way. I too say "friend" because he is too scared/incapable of having a label to signify commitment. I honestly think it is mostly the ptsd. We have been together 2 years and he has pushed me away twice. Just now (3rd time) a week ago. It's so lonley, confusing and frustrating. And the longer he "needs space" the more upset I get for him not talking to me. He does the same thing... Pushes me away and seeks attention from others who mean nothing to him, except a quick fix. It's not fair. Hugs

 

[nursenurse]

It doesn't really matter that it is due to PTSD or due to him being a bold faced liar and a no good cheat. With PTSD on the side. The man is sleeping around. And when you sleep with him, you sleep with all his conquest. Why some women grovel after someone who has absolutely no regard for them is beyond me. Learn by this, pull up your boot straps and find someone who will treat you with respect. I do not believe this is all PTSD. Somewhere under that guise lurks a weasel, and quite frankly I find even that comparison to be an insult to the four legged kind.