Childhood Trying To Understand My Orientation

[Teddy Bear]

When I was a kid I would do things with other boys my age that I didn't understand. Like touching each others bodies and what not. Stick with me here. When I was sexually and physically abused by a male relative of mine I was certain that I was straight. (Still know nothing about homosexuality at this age.) During my senior high school year I dated a fellow student who was male. Everything happened so quickly and I was afraid of what was happening because I thought I was straight but I also had this attraction to this guy. I was confused and had no one to turn to except some friends. I was raised a Christian and still go to church and believe. After I broke things off with the guy I started to come to terms with what had just happened. I just got married on the 29th of October to a wonderful girl that I've been with for over a year now. But I still don't know where I stand or if this is normal to feel even after being abused by a male. I was told not to label myself as "bi" because that goes against my christian beliefs. I am so confused.

*If you need any clarification on any of this please ask. I'm it is a jumped mess but that is how my brain is all the time.

 

[Socha]

I was told not to label myself as "bi" because that goes against my christian beliefs.

No one has the right to tell you what or what not to label yourself. It's your choice no one else's. If you feel comfortable doing so, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I'm not religious but in my universe God doesn't care if guys are dating guys or girls dating girls. You are allowed to do what is good for yourself and what you need. As long as you're a decent human being and you're not hurting anyone God should be cool about it.

Some people who were abused are gay, some are not. Some people who never had to go through something like that are gay and some are not. It doesn't really matter who you fall in love with.

Congratulations on your wedding :)

 

[Anarchy]

Welcome to the forum!

What happens between consenting adults is no one else's business.

I thought I was gay until I was 19, then thought I was bi...

What has taken me a long time to realise is I don't easily fit into any of the categories for who I find attractive, and that's fine.

I can totally empathise with the isolation of being a heartbroken teen, in an environment where it must remain secret. It's shite, and it hurt!:cry:
:hug: if you accept them.

_________________________
Multi like @Socha

 

[Ronin]

It's super common if you're male to doubt your orientation following abuse.

Particularly for the social notion taking abuse is something 'feminine', and something 'feminine' means you're gay.

It is up to you to determine your orientation, but as to feelings of doubt? Yes, common, and not speaking as much about your orientation or its changes as about untrue things passed around as truth in cultures around.

 

[Gs172003]

When I was a kid I would do things with other boys my age that I didn't understand. Like touching ea...

The thing that struck me was you saying you had to come to terms with it. If you were happy, it felt natural, what did you have to come to terms with?

 

[EveHarrington]

I think sexual abuse can cause some confusion regarding sexual orientation.

(Please note I'm not saying that gay/lesbian people who were abused are just confused and they're really straight.)

What I am saying is that the confusion can arise because the abuse happened at a young age when you were still in development, and if it is with a gender that is not of your preference/orientation, the mind doesn't necessarily know how to process everything.

I think as you grow/mature you'll develop a stronger sense of who you are.

But as for bi/homo sexuality being wrong, maybe it would be a good idea to switch to another Christian faith, one that is more accepting.

:hug:

 

[Teddy Bear]

The thing that struck me was you saying you had to come to terms with it. If you were happy, it felt nat...

@EveHarrington Put it well. You see in my family either you are either straight or you are going against your faith. My dad would probably disown me if he knew I dated a guy. No one knows about it except some close friends and my wife.

 

[Gs172003]

@EveHarrington Put it well. You see in my family either you are either straight o...

So it's not that you had to come to terms with it for yourself but you had to come to terms with it because of everybody else is that right? This might be best worked on with a therapist

 

[Teddy Bear]

So it's not that you had to come to terms with it for yourself but you had to come to terms with it beca...

Both. External and internal conflict had made it difficult for me to accept that this is who I am. All throughout 7th, 8th grade through high school people continuously accused me of being gay and that I only dated girls because I was trying to prove something. So when I realized that I in fact am attracted to guys, my world shattered. I couldn't just run to my family because they would've ridiculed me and/or disowned me but I also didn't know who to turn to except some friends in theater who watched me ball my eyes out before the show would start. I felt like my whole life was a lie. I also live in a very small town so I couldn't just go out in public holding hands with this dude or kissing him. Everything had to be hush hush so word didn't get back to my parents.

 

[EveHarrington]

Just remember that God loves all, and doesn't judge people by their sexual orientation.

Would Jesus cast you out? No, he would love you just the same.

I honestly think that hatred seeping into concepts of faith is the work of the dark side.

But if we go back to the basics, God being love and Jesus caring for those cast aside, I think the picture becomes clearer.

No matter what your past is, no matter what you have done or what you are, God loves you the same. His love is pure love and not conditional like many kinds of human love.

:hug:

 

[Teddy Bear]

Just remember that God loves all, and doesn't judge people by their sexual orientation.

Would J...

Thank you. I really needed to hear that right now.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Welcome, Teddy Bear! I noticed that you said you are, in fact, attracted to guys. Are you attracted to girls, as well? I know you're married, but that's a moot point.

Regarding faith, I wouldn't devote myself to any faith that told me I can't be who I am. Good luck to you!