Uhm , Is My Therapist Overwhelmed?

[Zemi]

But I said no, that it helps me not go backward!!! I am not doing things to harm myself because I AM in therapy!! DUH! So even if no cure, at least no suicide, no drinking, no self harm. Isn't that good??!!

If you don't go back, how will you go with this part? because the no suicide, no drinking, no self harm really is good and if that is a benefit going to see this person is giving you maybe now isn't the best time to take a break even if she does seem to be having issues? Hard knowing on this because from what you've said she did seem to be overwhelmed which doesn't help you at all; nor does that feeling of that you should only go if you are feeling "happy, happy, joy joy"; at the same time if she is the best you can do for help right now is it better to keep going with it until something better comes up and see if the two of you can work through this. Just not wanting you alone in this *hug*

 

[SimplyComplex]

I have quick question...what are the things that have not been getting better? What are the things that have benefited you from therapy?

 

[Tinyflame]

She kept asking if the therapy made things worse and kept focusing on the therapy as a trigger and not other things that bother me which are many!!

I said no, but that I do not think I could ever be cured even with therapy and she actually sounded like she agreed and that maybe we should throw in the towel!!!

Dear OKRADLAK, I hope you don't take this the wrong way- it's not for me to say, you know better as regards yourself- but if either one of you 'expects' a 'cure' I think there will be disappointment.

Also, as far as triggers go, exposure is necessary to reduce them.

But most of all, you've said that you don't feel (any) therapy will be useful- I understand how it feels, to be hopeless-beyond-belief. However, I think that if one doesn't let go of that stance- not that you have to feel that there is hope for you but just be neutral about it, how could it ever change? You will sabotage yourself because you will be expecting therapy (or something else) to bring the change when in fact it is designed to help us bring about the changes ourselves. I mean, no one can think our thoughts for us. Changing the way we think is going to be painful.
But then again, so is ptsd.

But I understand, it truly is natural with this to have no hope. Go anyway. 100 miles, if necessary- because you are worth it. Even if you don't feel like you are.

 

[BloomInWinter]

...and Judith Herman's book, 'Trama and Recovery' speaks extensively about the powerful and often overwhelming effects of trauma on T.s...and how our initial bewildering array of symptoms makes even well-trained Ts feel de-skilled, traumatized, and many come to dread dealing with us due to that transferrance...or is that countertransferrance? Can't remember right now but...what you are going through with this T. is actually NORMAL, PREDICTABLE roadblocks on the road to recovery.

You might pick up a copy of that book....it explains so much about why many T.s just don't have the training to handle our needs, but if she's willing to learn, that is worth much. I think my CBT T. was wondering if I was lying or borderline or who knows what, but I did keep going back and he has shown me he is working hard to meet me where I'm at.

If she was that honest, maybe she'd be willing to read Herman's book? It is a sentinel work on treating trauma.

So sorry this is so hard. I have T. tomorrow and don't want to go but...I need to get whatever I can. But mine 'gets it' now, I have NO doubt. Just have fear of facing the material.

 

[TCEE]

Okradlak, I actually registered so I could reply to you. I think your therapist is green. I've been in therapy for three years and it's ME who whines about therapy making me worse. My shrink says it has to get worse to get better and it's kind of like waves up ups and downs. She's right, though. Do yourself a favor and yourself a trauma therapist. Whether it's self harm, dissociation or whatever is going on, you need someone that you aren't going to worry about upsetting or being too "ruined" for. Someone who can take and hold whatever you bring her.

 

[Heather]

Okradlak - I agree with Bloom - But I'm not gonna put it as delicately as she did. She sounds like an idiot! You need to find a new therapist ASAP. There is nothing wrong with YOU. It is all HER!

Honestly, I joke on here that my therapist doesn't know what he's doing (if that were the case he wouldn't be my therapist) but yours really DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING. And it makes me very sad and angry to think that you are stressing because that incompetent had the nerve to put it into your head that you are hopeless.

There is nothing further from the truth! You need help and she is NOT providing it because she is incompetent and doesn't know how to do her job.

Hang in there. Love and lots of hugs. Heather

 

[anthony]

Judith Herman's original book was ok 14 years ago when published, let alone the prior years it was in writing... too much has changed since then in regards to complex trauma processing. If you want to be more up-to date on complex trauma, then I would suggest "Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders" by Courtois, Ford, Van Der Kolk and Herman has her input within it. I would be recommending that one to your therapist if their serious about treating complex trauma.

 

[Srain]

When I was looking for a therapist I was upfront with what I needed. I have seen the look of "I'm out of my league" and I've seen the look of "I can't do much here but it's money in the bank". It's easy to scare therapist off because of what was mentioned here, looking for a cure or having a time frame in mind. As Anthony said, you really want a tdoc that knows what they are doing and is educated in the complexities of trauma disorders.

I called around and interview on the phone first, getting feel for the therapist, after researching their background online. I wanted to get a feel for them on the phone before even going in to see them, ask a few questions I had written down so I could see if they were even going to be able to go the distance with me. I wanted to know if I would be comfortable as well. Of course you can't always tell over the phone but you can ask about method of therapy, rates, tell them a bit about yourself and needs, etc.

I don't think you should have to school your therapist, you are paying for his/her services. If they don't have the experience or training, then like Deb mentioned get one that does. It doesn't mean I don't get uncomfortable and want to stop but I've never seen fear in my current tdoc's eyes and my tdoc has never asked me if I wanted to stay in therapy. She has requested that I commit though.

It's your time and money. I hope you get what you need, whether some time out to think about it or someone to really help you through this but you are NOT hopeless, ever.

Rain

 

[OKRADLAK]

Wow! I am touched by the number of responses!

And TCEE, that was so kind of you to register just to respond.You are right......I am tired of trying to protect her. She even said I do not need to protect her feelings but it was that kind of double talk people use when they say something they do not believe. Like an abuser saying, "I love you," whilst abusing you, but they are looking up at the ceiling, or down or something as if the one abused is too dumb to realize they flinch? We are good at picking up that flinch.

Zemi--that does scare me. But if I find a new T soon enough it will be OK. If not, I will go to the ER and face that. I don't want to do anything permanent. I feel so hopeless right now and the anger is starting to kick in.But I will go if I have to.

Heather, you are right. She is an IDIOT and I am getting angry. I keep hearing her say, "Well, do you think you should continue this? I don't want to waste your time" (right). And then backtracking......"I don't get discouraged" There was a lot of double talk as she tried to convince herself and feel out the waters. She is not a mean,bad person.Just an ignorant one. But thanks for telling like it is! She gets $120 an hour. She has no excuse to throw it onto me. She as the PhD not me. I just wish she had been honest and out with it, " This is beyond my expertise"

June- I sure wish I could go the 100 miles to help, but I do not have the resources, i.e. money for that kind of gas. It is completely impossible unless I were to move, which, I am actually considering! I live in a very backward, rural place that smacks of B movies. :eek:

Bloomin--I do agree, she needs more training. I know that feeling like, "They don't believe me. They think I am faking." She has not said that but said she has never had a client with this particular "presentation" which I still do not understand wt* that means! But I am not about to ask. I am getting to where I am afraid to talk in there.....whole last half was me starting a sentence and stopping and my eyes darting to the side of her instead at her, feeling like I was about to misspeak. I should have left.

Anthony---I have not heard of that book, but I am going to order it pronto. Yes, I thought Hermann's book was the gold standard, but it stands to reason it may not be anymore. In fact, instead of giving it to her, I may ask my next T if they have read it and use that as a barometer to see if they are up to date before I even go!!

Srain--that is what I will do to find a new T. A phone interview. I will ask if they are aware of even the most cutting edge technologies like I have read about on here. I will also ask them if they think it can be "cured". You are right....there is no use setting my or the T up like that. If they think yes, then they will blame the client. No therapy is better than this kind. It will take me a while to get the adrenaline back down.She had it up so high! I still can't sleep and my food is all off. Grrrrr.

Well, you all have given me a lot of encouragement to wade through this. It was like a kick to the belly but now I know better. I will not let this be a discouragement. :)

 

[Heather]

She gets $120 an hour.

I'd ask for my money back:D:p.

Seriously, I'm glad you're going to be looking for a new COMPETENT therapist.

Hugs for you. Heather

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Okradlak, this was hard for you I'm sure. I left my therapist when she looked at me when I was having a breakdown when my son od and I had to perform cpr to bring him back - She said, "Your life is monsterous." I knew she was not qualified, though she was in the profession for 20 plus years. Some of us PTSDer's are too much for professionals who have not experienced trauma. Seek a therapist that welcomes you with open arms on a bad day.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Seek a therapist that welcomes you with open arms on a bad day.

Linda, that is the crux! They have to welcome you when you are in need! Some just want success. I have never ever, though, had a T suggest I stop when I was down. This was a first.

As to what your T said to you during that awfully stressful, terrible time.......I cannot believe she said that to you!! Even my untrained neighbor, even the mailman, even the cashier at Wal-Mart with no psych degree would know better than to say that! You must have been mortified!

(((((((LINDA )))))))

She was cruel to say that!!