Hi lotsofpain,
That makes sense, and I don't mean to question your beliefs. As long as you aren't using them to upbraid yourself for things over which you have no control, then whatever explanations help you to make sense of things seem reasonable to me.
My personal view of karma is not quite so direct, but it does seem to me that I must be learning something extremely important in this life, because I've been given a set of circumstances that are exceptionally difficult to negotiate. To me karma illustrates how everything in the universe is interconnected and that actions have unavoidable consequences. The best we can do in this life, I think, is to act so that no one suffers from our actions--to the extent that we can know. Because the universe is a chaotic system, though, it is not possible to know every single outcome of one's actions, so all we can do is our best. I think that these two principles--that one should act so that no one suffers while knowing that the ultimate consequences are unpredictable--are part of the paradox of the Zen tradition at least. That's the direction from which I approach this particular set of beliefs.
Anyway. I don't know if that is useful at all. The way I look at is that whether or not I was evil in my past life, I did seem to come here this time to learn some hard lessons. The only thing I have control over, though, is what I do in response to what I have been handed and whether I do it in such a way as to minimize suffering, which means I have to be compassionate not only towards others, but also to myself. Oftentimes it's the latter that is more difficult.
Erik
