Relationship Uncertain - is my friend's partner showing narcisistic behaviour?

[Gs172003]

Here I did it for you

Dead Link Removed

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Ok. Now click on the link and start learning for a change.

 

[Gs172003]

Ok. Now click on the link and start learning for a change.

Lol you obviously didn't read it.

 

[Gs172003]

From said article and then I'm walking away since this is not what this is about.....

"Which brings us back to Warden -- and anyone who's ever wondered what an abuse victim derives from staying. It's giving into this very thought -- they must like this -- that creates one more barrier to the abused being able to leave. It makes the world simpler, no doubt, for us to indulge this theory. We feel safer. "That couldn't happen to me," we can say. "I'd never put up with it." But the research proves anyone can end up abused. And blaming the victims in this way is a huge part of the problem. It reinforces their shame."

 

[Gs172003]

There’s nothing particularly narcissistic about a marriage proposal - “Everything I have, I want t...

Or it could be ... I know your defenses are down and I've got you where I want you.

 

[starbeam]

Or it could be ... I know your defenses are down and I've got you where I want you.

This is how I see it, it's more like, I am going to now take everything you have including whatever money your deceased relative may have left you.

Thanks for the article to the person who linked the article, it has given me a whole lot more to think about.

I think what I meant was that she really doesn't see the abuse, maybe dissociates through it or is too afraid to leave. I think she just doesn't see it actually, because he can be so charming.

I also understand that all I can do is be there for her when/if she needs me ... although it makes it really difficult to stand by and watch obvious signs of abuse.

I just fear for her, you know?

 

[scout86]

To sum things up, (I think), it doesn't matter if he's a narcissist or not, he's a bad person, from the sound of it, and the best plan is "run little girl, run!" If she was my friend,, what I would tell her is this, "I can absolutely guarantee things will never be any better than they are right now. Is that what you want for the rest of your life?" And, more than likely, things will only get worse.

 

[Gs172003]

To sum things up, (I think), it doesn't matter if he's a narcissist or not, he's a bad person, from the...

It will absolutely get worse

 

[Deleted member 541]

Most abusers don’t change, they elvolve into bigger abusers. They need and want more and more control over their victim. They need more and more justification that they are bigger and better than the scum lying at their feet.

She may never leave him, or she might. You can either support her or walk away. I had a friend of 30+ yrs that married a narcissist f*cking asshole that EVERYONE of her friends hated, me included. It is a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive marriage. I supported her anyway that I could, but argued my head off for all of the reasons she should leave him. We screamed at each other, we fought about it, and in the end she is still with him. I’m out!!!!

30 yrs of wasted breath. I know better now, to just walk away when I see it happening, because it isn’t worth MY STRESS level.... You do what you want!!!!

 

[Gs172003]

This is how I see it, it's more like, I am going to now take everything you have including whatever money your deceas...

You can nudge her in the right direction but that's it. She will have to see it herself. It took a while for me to realize it and there are parts I still question.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Abuse is abuse! She absolutely needs to run as fast as she can. It’s definitely not going to get better, but it could end up getting worse.

 

[starbeam]

Thankyou all for your replies, you've all been so helpful. He is also useless in helping her with her PTSD, he tells her to just forget about it.

30 yrs of wasted breath. I know better now, to just walk away when I see it happening, because it isn’t worth MY STRESS level

This is how I am starting to feel about it, I already told her in the nicest possible way that he is abusive, I went through all the reasons why after they had another of their arguments. She was wanting to leave him about 6 months ago and was all set tod do it but she was afraid he'd kill himself if she left and they ''talked'' and then suddenly everything was all fine again even though that time he had forced her to have sex when she didn't want to.